Many of us often need a listening ear when we are depressed. We need someone so we can pour our heart out in front of them.
Sharing our problems makes us feel light and less burdened at that moment but we often regret it right after we open up to someone about our issues because the other person either seem not to be interested at all or their remarks make us feel more depressed.
Are you someone who is unaware of the fact that you should never tell your secrets to anyone?
This habit of wearing your heart on your sleeves makes you an open book even to those you don’t know. It is important to keep a clear distinction between your personal and social life.
You need to be cautious about the details of your personal life you are sharing with someone, as you never know how the other person will perceive it and what intentions they have in their mind.
Before you open up about your issues, think for a while if you are taking the right decision? If you don’t know why you should never tell your problems to anyone, we have gathered a list of reasons to let you know why you should be personal about certain matters of your life.
Make sure you also check out 11 things you should never tell a man.
They have their own problems to deal with
It is easy for us to think that we are the only ones dealing with issues and having problems. When we look around, we feel everybody else is having a perfect life and it’s just us surrounded by troubles.
You might not realize the fact that your friends are carrying problems of their own. Your continuous habit of ranting about your life struggles can make them feel exhaust when they have their own matters to deal with.
Not everyone feels comfortable opening up about their problems. People often mask it with their social face or workplace smile.
You need to realize this fact that if your friends are not falling apart or they are not crying about their workplace issues, it does not necessarily mean that they have nothing to sort out.
You might be wrong to think that your friends are always available to be a listening ear for you.
There is nothing wrong with discussing your issues with your loved ones, but you should also be considerate about their emotional wellbeing choosing not to tell them your problems when they themselves are low on energy.
They do not always have the solution
We often share our problems with our friends or others hoping to hear some good pieces of advice. We believe that they are going to help us figure out what to do to get over this certain problem.
Little do we realize that our friend is not a “know-it-all person” who has the solution to all our issues.
Your friend might pretend that they know but their suggestion might not be what you need at the moment.
Remember, when having the right piece of advice can get you out of your problems, having the wrong suggestion can put you in bigger trouble than you already are in.
Therefore, before telling your problems to anyone, you should first try to figure them out on your own. You should try to find a means to sort out your issues before you choose to seek a second opinion. After all, you are the one who knows the best what you need.
Nobody can think better for you than you yourself. Rather than venting out in front of someone else, take a break and clear your thoughts. Then try to think about what can be the possible way to get you out of the situation you are in.
Your friends have other jobs to do
Before you pick your phone up and call your friend to cry about your haircut that didn’t turn out as you expected or to rant about the dress that got ruined which you were planning to wear to the weekend party, stop for a while and think they might be busy with some work which is supposed to be submitted by the evening.
We have this general assumption that we are allowed to call our friends anytime we want and they must answer, without thinking that our friends are not unemployed.
They have got other jobs to do besides listening to us for hours.
While you are crying over your issues expecting the other person to hear you patiently and understand how you feel, you might overshadow the fact that you are consuming their time which they are supposed to be spending to complete other jobs.
Even if they are in leisure, they could possibly just have finished a tiresome task and were hoping to relax instead of solving your problems.
Sometimes it is better that we don’t tell anyone our problems and keep them only to ourselves.
You never know what intentions another person has
Many of us can resonate with the famous saying by Lou Holtz,
“Never tell your problems to anyone. 20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.”
It is our natural tendency to carve out connections during our tough times. Frustrated by a particular situation, we all seek a shoulder to cry on.
But it is important to ask yourself if you are choosing the right person to share your problems with? The worst-case when you decide to share your problems with people is, they get to know the negative aspects of your life and they can share it with others.
What if the friend you are seeking relationship advice from, telling her about your issues with your man is wishing secretly for you to have a breakup? What if this colleague you are complaining to about your manager secretly reports you to the same person?
When you open up about your issues with someone, they might seem to be concerned in the meantime but if they are holding any grudges against you, they will just share with others what they know about you.
The least you would want in a troublesome situation is, that the whole world gets to know about your problem. Sharing your information with the wrong person can turn the situation more frustrating for you which is something you definitely don’t want.
This is why it is necessary for you to think if the person you are pouring your heart out to is worth it. If you don’t feel it, it is better to keep your matters private and try to solve them on your own.
You might be judged
Not everyone has the same threshold when it comes to enduring stress and depression. When we are tensed about a certain matter we don’t realize the words we are choosing to express ourselves.
After having a frustrating day at work, you might pass comments like “I just wish to blow that place up” or you might say something like, “I just want to jump off a cliff.”
You actually do not mean your words and you might realize later that you just said too much but the other person might judge you for expressing your exhaustion.
Remember that everyone is not capable of understanding your situation. Not everyone can step into your shoes and take certain things like you do.
Your unintentional remarks can leave a negative impression of you on the other person.
They might think that you are too weak to handle a situation or they may perceive you as someone who lose themselves when faced by slightest troubles.
None of us likes to be judged. You don’t want people to develop opinions about you especially when you are not the best version of you. So, you have to get hold of yourself even when you are fed up.
You need to be careful about your words before you blow up in front of your friend or colleague or you should just keep your issues personal.
Sharing your problems put you in weaker position
When you decide to let others know about the life issues you are basically giving them access to your personal space.
Overwhelmed by emotions, when you choose to open up in front of someone about how your wife doesn’t pay heed to your emotional needs or how your kids overhear what you say, you actually choose to give them the way to your privacy.
Telling someone about your problems means they now have the right to invade your privacy as this lets them know the details of your life which no one is supposed to know except you or your family.
This ultimately puts you in a weaker position and makes you vulnerable as you don’t know how the other person is going to use the details about your life you just gave them.
Women are well known for their gossiping habits. Before you discuss with your neighbor how the argument you had with your husband at the breakfast ruined your whole day, think for a while you are giving them a hot new topic to gossip about.
Even if they don’t explain this story to someone else they still get the right to hold an opinion about your relationship.
Keep this in mind that your issues are your private affairs. You should maintain your privacy by not telling your problems to anyone.
Their words might not be what you need right now
We often share our problems with others hoping to get some comforting words. We expect them to console us by telling us that we are right.
But, there can be times when their words are not what we need right now. You should know that everyone perceives things according to their own beliefs and thoughts and their views can be contradictory with yours.
The last thing we wish to have at troublesome times is, conflict of opinion.
There can be a possibility when you tell your friend about how you find your current workplace to be the worst place on earth right now and they will tell you that you are overreacting or they tell you that your issues are nothing as compared to others.
You might think to yourself then, “Why did I have to open my mouth?” your situation was already enough to make you feel depressed and their words worked like a fierce stab to your open wound.
Sometimes, by sharing our problems, instead of getting comfort and support we get more disappointed. Therefore it is better for us to keep our problems to ourselves and trying to find a solution with our own instinct.
Use your own abilities and trust your strengths
Have you ever tried sitting in a quiet place, to gather your thoughts and get hold of yourself? You just started to think, ponder, and reflect? In case you haven’t, now is the time to do it.
Sometimes, all you need is, to calm your mind and let it wander around until it finds a solution.
It is natural that trouble leads to anxiety and we rush to others to find support. We wish to vent, say it all out and express our dismay but in the end, we find ourselves where we started as we are the only ones who better know how to solve our issues.
If you feel exhausted by overthinking, just give yourself a break. Sit in silence, grab a journal, and write whatever you feel. Express your feelings to yourself and then let your intuitions figure out what is best for you to do.
When you embrace yourself and believe that you are capable enough to get out of a particular situation on your own, you ultimately start to see ways, and there seem to be more possibilities.
Expressing yourself in front of someone you trust is not wrong but you should trust yourself more than anyone else. You should first seek a solution to your problems in your own-self and you would be amazed by your capabilities. Believe in yourself and keep moving. There is definitely a way out.