Anyone who’s gotten the cold shoulder after a breakup knows that it sucks!
When your ex-girlfriend, someone who you were once very close to, stops talking to you, it can be hurtful and a bit confusing.
It can be expected when you have had a messy breakup or hurt each other in the past.
However, if you expected to stay friends with your ex after you broke up or at least get everything out on the table and have an honest conversation, then you’re probably wondering why she won’t talk to you.
Your ex-girlfriend might be ignoring you because she’s still mad at you. If the breakup is still fresh, she might need space from you after the breakup to get over her feelings for you. In some cases, she might have completely moved on and is avoiding you because she wants nothing to do with you anymore.
So Why your ex-girlfriend isn’t talking to you?
She wants to get over you
One of the main reasons your girlfriend is avoiding talking to you is that she needs time to get over the breakup. This is especially common if the breakup is still fresh.
Let’s be honest; it’s tough to forget someone and get over them if you’re still in touch with them. At times, it’s simply hurtful.
After the breakup, your ex probably wants to figure out who she is without you in her life, and just by talking to you every now and then, she cannot fully let go.
Your ex wants to process her feelings for you and the breakup without being influenced by whatever you have to say.
If there’s a possibility of you getting back together, then she needs to figure out what went wrong and how she can remedy it before you guys can give it another shot.
However, she could have also decided that she doesn’t want to get back together with you. In order to do that, she needs to make sure that she is completely over you. This, as you might have guessed by now, will require time and space away from you.
Talking to you is hurtful
If you’ve been trying to initiate a casual conversation with your ex, she probably doesn’t want to respond because trying to talk to each other casually after a breakup hurts.
Even if she doesn’t have strong feelings for you anymore, pretending to talk to you as if you guys are just friends will hurt because she’s holding back from telling you things she would have usually told you in a relationship.
It will be a constant reminder of how good things were between the two of you and will only make her miss the past anymore.
The fact that you meant a great deal to each other before the breakup is precisely why your ex isn’t talking to you right now.
We are never ever ever getting back together!
Your ex might not be talking to you because you guys are done, and she doesn’t want to lead you on.
She doesn’t want you to think that you guys still have a chance of getting back together, which could happen if you remain in touch or start talking again.
This is a clear indication that she simply has nothing to say to you anymore. Whatever conversations you were meant to have and memories you were supposed to make ended with the relationship.
She might not be able to admit in a conversation that there’s no way you guys are getting back together, so ignoring you is her way of letting you know.
She doesn’t want to doubt her decision
Breakups are not easy for anyone, regardless of who breaks up with whom.
If your ex broke up with you, she might avoid talking to you because she doesn’t want to go back on her decision to break up with you.
She put a lot of thought and careful consideration into the fact that she wanted to end the relationship.
However, if you mean a lot to her, she probably doesn’t trust herself enough to not go back on her decision. In fact, the only way she can keep herself from doing that is by not talking to you!
And no, that does not mean that you have a free pass to woo her back into the relationship.
Because the breakup was a carefully thought-out decision, even if you initiate contact again, she will feel like she’s doing something wrong, and it’s not likely to end well!
How hard will you try to keep her around?
Sometimes, when an ex-girlfriend stops talking to you, it might be to figure out how important she was to you in your relationship.
Maybe she was the person in the relationship who always reached out first when things went wrong or the partner who always went the extra mile. On the other hand, perhaps she didn’t feel appreciated enough when you were together.
Now that you have broken up, she might not be talking to you to see if you will fight for her.
She wants to see how hard you will try to keep reaching out to her to make sure that you don’t lose her from your life.
Post-breakup anger
Was it a rough breakup? If it involved insulting remarks or cheating, lying, etc., she is probably mad at you.
Rather than taking that anger out on you, she’s ignoring you until it subsides.
However, she could still be mad at you, even if you didn’t necessarily do something wrong in the end.
After a breakup, the time you get to yourself gives you an opportunity to think about the relationship in detail. It gives you a chance to analyze what went wrong and what worked out.
Your ex might be thinking about all of the ways that she felt she was wronged in the relationship.
She might be replaying the past and going over details of everything that went wrong, which is only fuelling her anger towards you and making it very easy for her to keep ignoring you.
Breakups tend to amplify our emotions as well. So if she is mad at you, it will be over a number of small things you might have done throughout the relationship.
If she were to talk to you at this point, it would probably be resentful and bitter. She might be avoiding it because she doesn’t want to take that out on you or say something she doesn’t necessarily mean.
If you’re contacting her to ask how to fix your mistake, you need to realize that she wants you to learn your mistakes in the breakup on your own.
Her lack of response means that she is tired of telling you what to do to fix it.
She’s saying hello to life without you
Moving on is hard!
Everyone moves on from relationships in their own time. However, in most cases, when you do finally move on, you usually want nothing to do with your ex.
Instead of focusing on your past with them, i.e., a past that might have even hurt you, you focus on the present and opportunities that lie in the future.
It could be that your ex has also moved on from you completely, and therefore doesn’t feel the need to talk to you. She might not even be resentful or hold something against you out of spite.
Instead, she’s probably closed a chapter of her life and wants to leave everything that came with it in the past.
She can look back at it fondly, but right now, she’s moving onto bigger and better things.
Whether she’s working on herself, exploring a new career, etc., she’s finding her way of healing from the breakup, and that involves leaving you in her past, so it doesn’t hold her back in any way.
Moving on could also mean that she might be in a relationship with someone else, in which case she would most certainly not want to keep in touch with you.
If you know that she’s with someone else, you should stop getting in touch with her regardless of what you think.
It doesn’t matter if you think you guys were meant to be or that this new guy might only be a rebound fling.
The point is that she has made her choice, and unfortunately, it does not include you.
You’re badgering her with texts!
If a girl tells you that she doesn’t want to talk, or if you’re going through the non-contact period after a breakup, and you keep sending her a message, she’s not going to want to respond.
Especially when these messages go a little something like “Why won’t you talk to me?” or ask her why she’s repeatedly ignoring you, or claim how you’ve not been doing well without her, etc.
Chances are, rather than wanting to take you back, she’s only going to feel sorry for you associate those messages with you having low self-esteem and not being able to move on when she clearly has (or is trying to).
Plus, such messages give the impression that you don’t want her back because she was the best thing you ever had, but rather because you are lonely without her.
Either way, she will not want to respond to any of those messages because doing so will mean that she will have to give you the time and energy to listen to your problems, how you are doing, etc.
As harsh as it may seem, that is simply not her job or her problem anymore.
She said goodbye, and she meant it!
Your ex-girlfriend might not be talking to you simply because she doesn’t want you in her life anymore.
She might be trying to spare your feelings by having to tell you that in person. Because let’s be honest, it’s not an easy conversation to have.
It might have been hard for her to say that she wanted nothing to do with you after the breakup.
However, her lack of response should give you a hint.
Usually, in such cases, she’s also most likely blocked you from her phone and social media platforms, making it almost impossible for you to contact her.
If she blocked you, it’s an obvious sign that she does not want to talk to you anymore. She doesn’t want to know how your life is going right now, nor does she want you to know hers.
If you have a lot of mutual friends, work together, or are forced to spend time together in some other way, it will be hurtful when she ignores you in real life as well.
But at the end of the day, you can’t force anyone to stay in your life, so it’s always best to simply respect their wishes.
Parting Words
Your ex might be avoiding talking to you because she’s mad at you, hurt, moved on, or simply wants space.
Whatever the reason may be, she doesn’t owe you an explanation since you’re not together anymore.
Give her the time and space that she needs right now. Then, if she wants to get back in touch with you in the future, she’ll do it on her own terms.
However, there is a possibility of that not happening. In either case, you should respect her decision and instead focus on how you can work on yourself and move on from the breakup as well.
