Are you getting bored with your relationship? I bet you were not at the start.
Starting the journey of a new love relationship is exciting.
The feeling of having butterflies in your stomach, the tingling sensation of your first kiss, the flickers of attractions towards your partner, the anxious wait for their messages and calls and the overall excitement of dating and spending the rest of your life together is all an outburst of emotions of love and affection.
It is a big roller coaster ride that makes your heart pump and your adrenaline levels rush to the highest. But as time passes by, the ride starts to slow down. As the routine of life starts to punch in, you might start to feel a little less excited about the same person.
You may now be living together as a couple but still feeling a bit mundane about life. Then there may also come a point where you will start to ask yourself the question, “Am I Bored of My Relationship?” Instead of running away from this feeling you should face it like a brave person and find out its reality.
This is where the success of your relationship would lay.
Boredom starts to seep in a relationship when the pop and fizz starts to take the form of familiarity and partnership. Technically, there is nothing wrong with not feeling the way you initially did, but this also does not mean that you start feeling uninterested.
Whenever you meet someone new as a love interest, you feel the surge of excitement in yourself. It does not matter how many long hours you spent with them, listening to their every word is a pleasurable ride to heaven. Holding on to their every word, you are keen to find out about their ideas, interests, and future plans.
Even the smallest thing like their favorite color can make you feel special or excited like you did never before for anyone.
No one in this world would like their honeymoon period to end. We all desire it to last forever.
But the reality is not that simple.
For every relationship, there comes a time when its shiny newness fades off.
This is the point where the relationship might become stable and reach a level where you learn to live without the shine.
Some people call this stage the comfort level because your struggle to keep trying comes to end.
But this is where you may take a wrong turn. Reaching a comfort zone should not mean that the couple starts taking the relationship for granted.
Every relationship in this world requires some sort of effort. The success and longevity of human relationships are dependent on the work and emotional effort you put in them.
Without this effort, you are bound to find yourself in a “WAY TOO COMFORTABLE ZONE” or even worst become BORED.
Self-Expansion or End of Love
Although there is no scientific evidence of this all, there is a reason why everything seems to be so exciting in the beginning and less interesting as you move on. Love experts believe that in the start we are in a state of “self-expansion”.
In other words, we are trying to fit our new love interest in our own world and life. In the same way, we are trying to fit into their life and the world as well.
But as time passes by, this self-expansion not only decreases but completely ends.
As a consequence, the emotional surge associated with this expansion like the feeling of excitement, arousal, and enhanced passion, also starts to fade out. This is the point where you start feeling bored in a relationship.
Feeling bored with your partner and feeling bored of your partner are two different things. They may sound similar, but in essence, there is a psychological difference between the two of them.
The feeling of boredom comes in when we have the energy but no place to spend it. As an outcome, there is a negative emotional feeling.
Feeling bored with your partner would mean that you have similar interests and likings and you want to do things together but due to the external uncontrollable factors you cannot. You are stuck with the same routine work and mundane activities and there seems to be nothing new to do.
Feeling bored of your partner would mean that even when you are trying new things or spending time together, your mind and heart wander off to others. You prefer not to spend time with your partner just to escape from the relationship.
So, before judging yourself or your relationship with your partner, you must understand and figure out which category of boredom you fall into. You should then address your feelings and needs accordingly.
9 Signs that you are Bored with your Relationship
In almost every relationship the reason of boredom is blamed on the partner. No one in this world likes to be labeled as the boring personality of the relationship.
However, the dilemma that arises here is that no one wants to be labeled as boring, yet people struggle hard to prolong their boring relationships.
People are scared of going back to their single lives and hence, they linger on to such unwanted bonds of love.
So, how can you tell that you are stuck in a boring relationship? We have collected a list of signs that are common indicators of boredom in a love relationship or which shows that you are bored of your partner.
Television Reruns are Far More Interesting Than Going Out
Dating and going out which used to be fun and exciting some time ago has now become an unwanted ordeal.
The reason is that you do not put in the required effort to make them enriching and fun anymore.
You rather stay home watching reruns of old TV shows and movies at home in your PJs than get dressed for a special occasion and go out.
Sex Does Not Excite You Anymore
This is the point when even the prospect of having sex with your partner seems boring or routine activity for you.
Lovemaking should not be replaced with the physical need for sex. It should remain playful, passionate, and fun.
However, if you feel that even sex with your partner is no more exciting and something that uplifts your mood, then it is definitely time to revamp and rethink your relationship.
Solo Adventures Become Your Priority
Sometimes in a relationship, you get so fed up with the mundane routine and the same old things that you simply crave for going on adventures and escape the situation.
Shaking things up can be a good idea but only if you do things together.
Going on solo trips, friends get-togethers, and other adventures on your own indicate that you are looking to get away from your partner.
In fact, it points towards a situation where you rather remain away from your partner. Avoiding him and forgetting him feels better.
People Start Noticing Things
Looking at your attitude and behaviors, your friends, family members, and peers might start noticing the “OFF” in your relationship.
This is a real point of concern. It only shows that others also validate your suspicion of becoming bored of this relationship or that something is drastically wrong.
You Become a Workaholic
As your relationship and partner start to become a secondary element in your life, you begin to substitute it with work and career.
Engrossing yourself in professional activities or job-related work more than the requirement indicates your desire to keep your mind off from the relationship.
You do not want to think about it rather it is a way of staying away from dealing with the situation.
Work-related activities provide you the alternative form of energy and motivation that keeps you going in life.
So you are substituting your happiness and motivational stimulus from love to work.
Talk less, Communicate Even Lesser
The minutest details about each other’s lives that you once loved talking about are no longer an interesting topic.
You start talking less and less at dinners and long drives. You even do not communicate on small little issues what to talk of having deep and meaningful conversations.
You prefer to remain silent rather than talking with your partner that you were once so fond of.
You do not call each other every day rather remain out of communication with the plea that both of you have lives and you remain busy with your surroundings.
So if finding time for your partner is not a priority then you should think twice in lingering on to this bond.
Replying to Texts and Calls is Not On Your List
The messages that once used to give you butterflies in your stomach are now becoming a redundant chore.
You have to really drag your feet to answer these missed calls and reply to text messages. Sometimes you read them but do not feel like replying.
You Start to Explore New Options
This is a very extreme point in a boring relationship. When one or both of the partners start to explore other options available to them, then this is high time you make a decision on such a relationship.
Making a new dating profile (even just for fun) would mean that you are subconsciously not satisfied with what you have in hand.
Flirting with peers or other men and women is a clear sign of what is going on inside your head. Sometimes couples call it giving a break or providing space for each other.
But the reality is darker than you think.
No Special Days and Every Day Is Like a Monday
Initial days of dating and relationships are characterized by special birthdays, expensive gifts, and mind-blowing surprises.
But as time passes by these days and events start to lose their importance. You no longer look out for dates to make them special for your loved one.
Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries and other special events is another thing, but deliberately wanting to skip them is something else. You simply do not consider these worth celebrating with your partner. You cannot care less about anything important in your partner’s life.
These were 9 important signs that you must look out for if you are having some thoughts about your relationship.
There are no scientific answers or definitions of a boring relationship. Human emotions and relationships are hard to encompass in scientific formulas and experiments.
Every person is different from the other. Their thoughts, emotions, personality traits, and physical needs all add-in to make a relationship work. There is no two plus two four in human relations.
Classifying a relationship as boring will also differ according to different people. It is only you, who is a party to this bond, who can make the decision.
So, assess your signs carefully to understand the stage of the love relationship that you are going through before pulling the power cord off from it.
6 Questions You Should Ask Yourself
You may find some of the above-mentioned signs tally with your life, but how can you be sure that you are on the verge of breaking up and moving on.
Maybe you are looking at the situation from the wrong lens. Sometimes all these things might be just a short term change of mood or attitude. It may also be a sign that you have moved to a higher level of being together.
A much more contented and mature stage of the relationship.
So how can you still assess that these signs are negative for your partner and that you are definitely part of a boring relationship? Below are some questions that you need to ask yourself to have a clearer picture of what is going on and have a better understanding before you make any critical decision about your life.
Are you ONLY bored of this relationship or life in general?
Love intimacy and its bonding with your partner are important for life but it should not become the only relationship in your life.
You should give it a central position but you should not solely focus on only this relation.
Expecting your partner to provide all the excitement and entertainment in your life can be a little too much to ask for.
You may be thinking that you are bored of this relationship but in reality, you lack the stimulation needed in other areas of life as well. This means that you are not just craving for a romantic uplift but for excitement in general.
There could be several other reasons why you feel this way. Maybe you have reduced your social interactions with friends and family, maybe you do not go out as much anymore, maybe you have not tried any new activities lately and there could be many more maybes for feeling bored in life.
The key is to scan through your overall life and give thought into whether you are moving along a coast in a repeated pattern or pushing yourself through life waiting for a miracle to happen.
The point where you might go wrong is when you get into a romantic relationship and you start giving up on everything else there is. It is like giving up on life for someone else. You start to get hypnotized with all the love you get and are stuck in a whirlpool or euphoria that you do need anything else in life.
All areas other than your love interest lose focus.
When this euphoria starts to fade out over time, you are struck by the reality of being deflated and bored.
To find out if that is really the case, you need to do something new and radicle. This could be a chance that you might have desired for a long time or some adventure that was hurling in the back of your mind for ages. It could be a simple night out at karaoke or joining some evening classes of aerobics or any other areas of interest. The idea is to find the excitement and adrenaline rush from something other than the relationship.
You need to try out different things that you like and that can bring the two of you closer together. It is a way of finding out whether you are actually bored on this relationship or simply bored of life.
Are your expectations too high?
Many of us grow up watching enchanting Disney movies with handsome princes and beautiful princesses living a life where love is the ultimate conqueror.
But the reality of life is not like a Disney movie. Love is important and love is powerful but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship or a happily ever after.
In a real relationship, you need to put in your efforts and bear with ups and downs that come with time.
Your partner may be a perfect match for you, but that does not mean that there are not going to be any points of argument or disagreements.
There is a myth that a soul mate will continue to attract you physically and emotionally with the same spark and intensity as he or she did in the start of the relation. But life is not a fairytale. It has its own dragons and evils that you need to face. With the ups and downs of life, your relationship also loses its intensity and glam.
You should be ready to put in the required effort and compromise to make your relationship last longer. The real-life love stories are not scripted like films. They are different and you should not expect them to be perfect.
Are you confused between boredom and contentment?
The next question that you need to ask yourself is whether what you are feeling is actually boredom or not? Sometimes when life is going on track we mistake happiness of being contented with boredom.
This is quite a common feeling. The reason for this that when we are going on a happy track, the emotional surge is not as much as it would be on the downward track. So, we may start feeling that there may be something wrong while in reality, everything is just fine.
Sometimes people simply do not know how to react in this phase of contentment. Their confusion between boredom and contentment occurs because they have actually never reached this point in a relationship. Everything is new to them. As a consequence, they are unable to identify the progression in their life.
It is pretty common and healthy for a relationship, that the exciting ups and triggering downs begin to smoothen in their effects as your relationship becomes stronger and mature. You now know and understand each other’s personalities better and hence the reactions are much more subtle than before. Things are now predictable and that is why you may feel them to be boring.
Are you overlooking all the good?
Sometimes in life, we start focusing on the negatives more than the positives. It is a common human trait. Pessimism is not rare or unavoidable. We can all fall in its trap every now and then. It makes us feel down even if all is going on well in our lives.
If you are facing such an issue, then it is important that you make an effort to come out of this pessimist mood. You should look out for all the positives in this relationship and life in general.
Putting all the negatives aside and pushing the unwanted down the drain is what you need to do. You need to highlight the pros of living in this relationship. What good has this brought into your life?
As you put down the list of the positive things on a paper and recall your memories, there will be several things that will put a smile on your face. It is these things that you need to highlight and see if they overweigh your fears.
One should not forget that a relationship has two parties involved and it is a two-way street. It is not fair to expect everything from the other party. You need to put in the same level of work and effort to make it successful.
It is a common mistake that most people lay the responsibility of making the relationship interesting on one partner and themselves carry on with a laidback approach. They do nothing and simply complain.
For a relationship to remain exciting and interesting over time, both parties need to put in their share of work and efforts. If you are sitting back doing nothing, then your partner may also be sitting idle in a one way relationship.
Have you tried combating this boredom?
This is the last question of our list but it is one of the most important ones. If you have finally concluded that there is genuine boredom in your relationship and there is no misunderstanding or confusion about it, then have you taken any action or steps to overcome this problem?
If you really want your relationship to last, then you need to start thinking about things and ways that can help you bring excitement and thrill back into it. You should come up with methods of re-injection and rejuvenation of the initial zeal and fervor you used to have. What can reignite the fire in your relationship? What does your partner want? What is important for both of you?
If you are contended and the other partner is having this boredom feeling, then you need to be sensitive to them and listen carefully. A romantic relationship is a two-way bond and you need to show the same response to him or her that you would expect for yourself.
Overcoming these signs and problems is the only way this relationship can go on. This does not mean that you should ignore the boredom signs. These signs should be considered as an indicator to improve things in your life. It could mean that it is time to make your stagnant life more energetic and active. You need to sit together and figure out things to make them better.
Time to Decide – Stay or Quit
Now that you have gone through the signs of living in a boring relationship and if you feel that you are on the same boat as many others, then this needs some action. You just cannot sit back and let your life’s important bonds go down without a fight.
You should be able to do something about it. There are a number of new activities and things that you can try and jump start your boring relationship. You need to actively pursue sources of excitement and fun and bring in the positivity that is being overshadowed by the pessimism.
It is time to make a decision. You can either try or simply quit.
There is no other way.
It is important to understand here, that a relationship filled with wonder and happiness is far better than being bored for life. So, you carefully need to weigh your options and figure out if this relationship is worth a try or you are depriving yourself of a life full of bliss.
Having said that, it is also not wrong to say that sometimes, phases of boredom can overshadow our lives without any particular reason. These spells of boredom come and go without any warnings. It is important that you understand and recognize the difference of being bored in a relationship from being bored of a relationship.
The initial zeal and zest that used to be part of your romantic life may slightly taper off as time passes, but that does not mean that your relationship has lost its glory.
It only means that you need to work on ways to enhance your excitement levels and look out for activities that you can enjoy together.
If the two of you are soul mates and meant for each other, then passing through this phase will not be a difficult job for you. This question, “Am I bored of my relationship?” will be out of the question.