So how to know if a relationship will last forever? Can one keep a marriage/relationship fresh? The wedding season is on the way, guys and girls! And yes, there will be elegantly decorated cars on the streets and beautiful couples will be walking down the aisle. And between those guests, will be Lily and David who are your best friends but they just got divorced 2 months back. Where Lily might be indulged in thinking how wonderful the experience was for her (or just walking down the aisle), David might be eyeing his wife to see if she has any trace of regret on her face. Naah! She has none and then it hits him that he lost his lady-love. Sounds sad, right? But it is actually a traumatic truth that we are experiencing all around us.
But right between these guests, will be the old smiles as well. They will be holding each other’s hands and when the bride and groom finally are allowed to kiss, they look each other with utter affection and love. Does it sound nothing less than a cheesy love story, right?
But it does happen. Even if the cases are really rare now, people do make it till the end. I mean, why don’t people prefer talking out rather than divorcing? Until you have been flirting with 99 women and your wife gets to know about it (plus you are not even ashamed of it). Nothing helps you then but when reality hits you; it’s really too late.
However, the generation these days is too indulged in one query and that is how can they make their marriage work? Right after the honeymoon time, everything gets too practical for them. Understanding each other becomes more of a burden than a feeling; so how can you save your marriage and make it work out from the very beginning? Trust me, it ain’t that hard.
So how to know if your marriage will last?
Here are some ways through which you know if you can make it to your 30th anniversary with utter joy and happiness.
Communication is the key to all relationships. When I was a teenager and I couldn’t text my mum back for some reason in like before half an hour, you know what happens next, right?
We all do!
So this is far more a sensitive relationship and cutting down communication and trying to give that “silent treatment” to each other is just not going to work.
When you wake up next to the same person each day, it gets so hard to still love those lazy eyes, that bad breath, and that messy hair. bI agree with this because I can’t adore a person for more than a week. How do people do that for years or a lifetime? *wonders* It does get hard to hug each other at the end of a tiring day, to accept each other flaws and to manage everything even when the times are rough. Thus, communication is vital. Saying out what you feel is essential. Even if your feelings aren’t too good; expressing them will make your other half to understand you in a better manner. This magic of communication is what has kept those old couples (you see them in parks) to make it together through the thick and the thin like these
The foremost factor required for a successful married life is obviously nothing other than sheer love.
Your commitment towards your marriage decides in the first place how long it’s going to go. Marriages that happen or occur only due to surface level affairs tend to end up in divorce no sooner than they have begun. Marriage is not all that is shown and depicted in fantasy songs and movies; it’s way deeper than all that crap. It requires absolute commitment and affection. It’s a lot easier to carry on when things are all good. The real test is to stand by each other’s side when the road gets rough.
Another key element in a successful marriage is time.
Partners need to take out time for each other. Everyone has a busy life and you need to be modest enough to accept the fact that a healthy marriage needs some workout. You can’t just sit back and wait for things to turn out all bright and chummy when you don’t put in any effort. The more you make time for each other, the better it will turn out to be for your relation.
No relation – be it marriage or a plain doctor-patient pair can make it without communication.
You need to talk about all kinds of things, from your daily chores to the depression you go through when things aren’t turning out to be good. Open and smooth communication no doubt helps is enriching your married life in many ways. If you are not able to tell your partner about the problems you face or the things you can’t cope – then you definitely need to rethink your relationship. A lack of communication can trigger several problems ranging from small ones like useless arguments to bigger and more dangerous ones like utter aloofness and chronic depression leading to complete oblivion.
Don’t overlook the power of forgiveness.
At times you have to forgive and let go in a marriage even when it is not the easiest things on the to-do list. You should learn to stay silent because not every situation needs a comment or a remark. At times you need to accept the stark reality that things cannot always go your way and move one. Believe it or not, it may seem difficult but it’s worth it. The peace you get by letting things be the way they are and settling yourself around them is beyond expectations.
The sexual drive plays an essential part in keeping a marriage up and exciting. What are the things that make your partner desire you? Keep that desire alive and give it time. Emotional and physical intimacy tends to bring people closer to each other. Your partner should look forward to coming home and spending time in the bed. Don’t exhibit gestures of pointless boredom or lack of desire. They do more harm than one assumes. Focus all your energy towards your sexual fantasies and make most of the time you have with each other.
Respect and Trust:
You need to give your spouse the same level of respect and trust that you want for yourself; at times even more than that too. When we talk about trust, it doesn’t come that easy. It takes time. You need to give your marriage space and time to let trust build over. Share everything and don’t keep secrets. They can end up ruining your relationship. Respect each other’s feelings. There are occasions when your companion only needs your presence not necessarily a long conversation in order to feel at home.
You need to differentiate between the two situations and behave accordingly.
Importance of Lonely Time:
You have a life before you get married, right? You go out with friends, you sit alone in a coffee shop and gulp that damn delicious chocolate brownie down your throat and you go out to movies also, right? Getting married doesn’t mean that you have to shut off all of the individual activities that made you feel alive and happy. After like 10 years of marriage, you and your partner know all about one another, right? It is somewhat being 1 person. So keeping that alone time of yours gives you a feeling of individuality. It makes you feel alive.
If you want to chain your partner’s leg to yours; it isn’t Cinderella happening in real-time, even yet!
Don’t get Addicted to Something:
As I mentioned above, it is hard to get used to waking up next to the same person every day. And sometimes it gets too tiring to even kiss them on the forehead. And then that feeling comes into the pit of your stomach; you start wanting some new personality. That is just a phase though but it is the major reason why marriages are breaking apart these days. In the UK, people have used social media to create a new persona and date, someone, they adore. And then obviously your marriage ends as soon as your partner finds out.
Don’t get addicted to this. Always keep a friend or therapist at your speed dial so that you can look forward to them in such cases.
What are some of the things to avoid?
A family is and must be the first ever the source of love, acceptance, and comfort. Unfortunately, it is not the same for everyone. A lot of people might not agree with me saying this above sentence but then a little crowd would be nodding their heads to this. There are always two situations for every case and for families, it is same. This is saddening but you can’t help but move on to the fact that maybe, your family is not just doing what they should. Something seems to be going in the wrong direction. And yes, they don’t notice the wrong direction which in turn, hurts a lot more. And let’s just not talk about those extended families, where gossip spreads faster than fire. I mean, you don’t have a life in there, do you? We all make mistakes. It is just a matter of figuring out where you are going wrong so that everything can be in the right place. The Family is all about love, care, affection, peace, and comfort. When mistakes like these are happening around your family…you should try to stop them as soon as possible. They can lead to bigger issues which you never thought of in the first place. Make sure that you don’t insult your child or discriminate him/her with people within your family. This won’t only detach that person from you…but will also end to make him/her lonely and depressed.
Following are some of the points you should avoid doing to have a happier marriage.
A lot of Criticism:
The Family is your best source of encouragement and support. It is a big “oops” in your life if your family is not there for your encouragement. Words carry a lot of weight and negative words carry the weight of the entire world. They feel so heavy on your shoulders, don’t they? And if they come from your family; you feel like there is no one in this world to encourage or support you. Negative and hurtful words bring a deep damage to the family. You might not understand it but the one hearing them is going to start being detached to you. The chasm of the relationships washes away and by the time you realize it; it is actually too late. It takes a lot of positive talk and love to mend that wound. But sometimes even that doesn’t work. Just make sure that you support your family members. Especially parents should always be a source of support for their children. Don’t insult your child in front of a crowd or other relatives; they get hurt and that never goes away.
I hate this and I just wish I could erase it from the surface of this Earth. But alas, I just sit here, trying to figure out whether this world will ever get over discrimination or not and write about it. Discrimination is not something that is done with daughters and sons; it can be of the same gender as well.
Families should keep in mind that praising one child constantly can bring a strong lack of confidence in the other. Yes, we don’t realize this and it happens a lot. This usually ends up in bringing up a frustrated and lonesome behavior by the other child, who is either criticized all the time or is hardly praised for his/her actions. This damages the roots of family relationships in a way that you might not imagine.
Be careful with what you do or say and trying to bring inequality in your family systems.
Okay, so gossip is like, the perfect killer of your family relationships. When one of your aunts spreads the news like fire all around the family; I bet a lot of people can relate to it.
I can feel nodding heads. We all have one such pathetic aunt who is the ultimate “gossips girl” of the family. Where this might seem funny right now; it actually damages relationships in the worse forms. It messes up the trust level of people within one family and negative thoughts start speculating. These thoughts take relations away from us and the love and care we expect from a family, never really comes in.
In such situations we don’t tend to talk to the person directly; we start believing in what the gossips have to say. Our behavior with the specific person starts distorting. In such cases, it is always best if you talk to the person directly, instead of believing in all the gossips around.
It might save something which is left out of the relationship.
Myths that damage married life
Relationship Myths: It is all so overwhelming; the décor, the wedding dress, the arrangements, the big day, the honeymoon and then what? Then the balloon of excitement and ecstasy seem to be losing all the air in it. It’s like you enter the actual practical phase of life. The love story like scenario is only short term. You won’t be living in the world of dreams for like forever. Even if you are leading a good, satisfied and happy married life, you are practical and you can’t hope for the candle light dinner every other day, or do you?
Everyone who understands the fact that the valley is yet to arrive after the honeymoon period usually crosses it with stronger nerves.
So basically, if you are dreaming a fairytale like life after marriage; you need to wake up. Do you want me to pinch you to reality? Well, let’s just leave that duty up to life, shall we?
This why they say: getting married and maintaining it are two totally diverse things. You do get married and the wedding bells seem so amazing but what a lot of people fail to do is maintain those wedding bells. And then, there come those rules and advice and tips and bitter truths that you search endlessly on the web to make it work and add spark to your life. But not all of them are supposed to work.
What do I mean?
It is as simple as this: not all tips are tips; some are basically just myths. Anyhow, coming back to the point; you don’t always have to fall prey to these tips by pros and all. Sometimes, you just need to go with the flow and do what you feel like doing. So here are some myths that actually make you pop into the burning fire and get burnt, when in actual, doing the opposite of these actually saves you from the damage. As I said, sometimes, the pros can make you go bonkers as well. So go with what your heart and mind say.
Relationship Myths 1: NEVER go to Bed Angry:
Have you ever asked yourself that why can’t you go to bed normally?
Why is it important to talk everything out?
Let me give an example, shall I?
My friend was the “I want to talk everything out” kind of girl. She wasn’t married but she was committed to this guy who always preferred maintaining silence over different issues.
And she was the one who wanted to babble out everything and even her frustration, aggression and maybe her tears as well. By the end, the silence from the other side used to bother her more and more, until one day, it was over for her.
She decided that it was okay for her to go to bed normally and just sleep even when she was angry or depressed due to some issues. She became the silent one. It changed her, but in the wrong manner. What I always wondered after that was what if she had maintained balance and stayed quiet just like the guy?
Sometimes it just good to talk in the AM!
It is okay if you don’t have the mental energy to talk things out and figure them out. It is okay if you go to sleep early and make yourself find the peace that you want. It is completely okay if you don’t want to beg or cry in front of the other person because you have had enough. Sometimes it is okay to go to bed angry. It is proved that things are sorted out better in the morning when you have cooled down and your nerves allow you to talk with a calm mood.
Relationship Myths 2: Marriage Alters a Person Completely:
You should weigh out your lifestyles, differences and all that incredible list of your traits before you say I DO. I mean, after that, telling someone not to do this or that, just because you don’t want them to is stupidity. If she gets hot-tempered when someone tells you not to wear a short dress and you get angry when he gives all the attention to his mother; deal with it. Don’t try to change it all because you already knew what that person did.
If you are committed to someone who is hot-tempered, get along with it as it is your choice to marry them. And you always have scope before you tie the knot. You are never liable to marry someone whom you think isn’t great for you. And if you believe that marriage changes a person; don’t believe that. It is just a myth fired into the air of marriage like a bullet to murder several personalities in the name of one love knot.
Relationship Myths 3: LOVE is Going to Heal Everything (Is it Band-Aid)?
When you are married, obviously all your problems are related to your partner and they have the power to make it all good or bad for you.
But it certainly does not mean that their love is going to do the magic for you every time? Sometimes, your partner can be the exact reason why your wounds get worse…they just seem to tap into them perfectly. Your partner has the ability to make your emotions drive out; they can be either good or bad. And after a while, your partner knows what triggers you and what doesn’t. He/she know what will make you happy, sad or depressed. So you know what? Love always won’t heal stuff. Sometimes, a little space, in your own little head is all you want to figure things out for yourself. DON’T expect love to heal everything.
Relationship Myths 4: Relationships DO has to end in Marriage:
So you have been together for like 5-6 years or maybe considerably a longer time span, so the next sensible thing to do is to tie the knot. Why is that so? What if you figure out that your married life won’t be as perfect as you have dreamt of? Are you still willing to give up your lifetime to such a relation where you will be heading for compromise only?
Think! This myth has destroyed several lives than you would ever think of. If you have been together for years, it certainly doesn’t mean that you have to get married at the end of it as well.
Sometimes, knowing all that you need to, jumping into the puddle can make you all muddy. And marriage isn’t a small step to take, right? Here is what a high school girl had to say about her marriage with her fiancé: “He was such a smart guy. Like he loved me, gave me attention, was the smart ass kinda person. But I felt like I did not love him the way I should or someone should. It was like we were more of roommates than literal partners for a lifetime.
To be honest, I was a different kind of person and he was not that stable emotionally. He asked me about marrying him after my graduation and it seemed logical. So I said yes. I felt like a perfect actress on my wedding day…could have gotten an Oscar for the perfect acting. And what I feared the most, happened after 3 years; we filed for divorce.” So you see, just because you are with someone with a long time, doesn’t mean that you have to marry them or you don’t have any other step!
Relationship Myths: Your Partner Must Know Everything (Is he or She WIKIPEDIA?):
If I could just find the person who generated this myth; if you are in a relationship or are married to someone, they must know everything about you or you should know everything about them!
NO, it is not important and it won’t make your life easier. However, if you will pretend that you do know everything, it will make your relationship suffer sooner or later. You aren’t Wikipedia and your partner is not an open book, that you can easily understand every move or every feeling of theirs. Even after years, a lot of people cannot figure out what goes on in the mind of the other one. And that is totally okay.
If you expect that your partner must know everything about you…then you are totally wrong here. You are only going to kill your inner peace with this stupid expectation of yours.
All the truths, tips and advice about marriage or relationships on the internet or in books aren’t going to help you if you won’t be able to motivate your inner self to save your relationship. All it takes is your own capacity and willingness to make things better. If you think that you won’t be able to handle it all; leave it. Don’t force yourself into or out of any relation. As I said earlier in an article that they are just like farts; the harder you force them, the stinker they will be. Stop believing so hard in these myths that you fall blindly for them. Make life easier for yourself and it will not go hard on you! It’s similar to the “tit for tat” mantra.
How to know if you’re relationship won’t last?
How to tell if he wants to break up? Well, there are ways you find it out but it’s hard because relationships don’t come with an expiry date, even when a lot of us wish that they did. A lot of us get the hint that it’s an expiration date for our relationship when the bad experiences start increasing or outweighing the wonderful ones. Still, as they say, that love is blind, a lot of us get dumb and foolish with it as well.
As if these traits come free with the package of young love. Where love can give you a feeling of positivism, freedom, and peace; sometimes it can be really suffocating and hard to handle as well. That is exactly when you need to cut the rope that is holding you back and run as far as you can from the creepy person that is making your life nothing less than a chaos. We all get into the breakup phase. But some of us are extremely dumb to actually realize the fact that we are being dumped again and again by a person. Yet we still decide to stick to them like UHU! Don’t do that to yourself and that is for both the genders.
Let go of what doesn’t make you happy and content anymore. However, just make sure that you are not breaking up with someone due to your stupid mind conflicts or the fact that your childhood crush is finally begging you to woo him. So here are some simple signs that your relationship is as good as over and that you have probably reached an expiration date.
Your Partner is Stressing you
There are already so many reasons to be stressed out these days. The list of worries can go on and on. But let’s just say it; we don’t want our other significant one to be a part of that horrifying list. We all have that one friend who is always looking for some perfect excuse to provide to his girlfriend.
Is she stressing him out Well, she obviously is but he isn’t ready to let go because he might not get another blindfolded girl again. If your partner is being a constant stress for your life, you know exactly what to do. Walk out of it.
You, don’t see You with them getting married
This seems so stupid and dramatic when you imagine yourself getting married to the one you are in love with. But this is only dramatic for the single people. The ones, who are actually in love, will get the feeling. For example, you are standing in a church viewing a marriage ceremony. The first thing that will cross your mind is: “I’ll be standing there with my partner one day.” If you don’t see that, trust me, you don’t feel the vibes for him or her. If you look down at a couple (married and happy) and your mind says that this will never be us; you need to talk things out and end it smoothly.
Being OK with lack of Communication:
Let’s just admit it that we die to talk to the person we fall in love with. Whether it is 2 am or 5 pm, we really don’t care.
We just need to talk! This spark remains for a year and many couples start conversing less. Only some of the couples decided to talk it out as it bothers them and only 2% of them are able to sort the problem out. 80% of the people really don’t care and they have a deep “sigh of relief” when the conversations are cut down. If you are totally okay with having almost no conversation with your partner; it is better to walk out. Don’t drag!
You are Happy Alone:
The worst part about relationships is that your happiness starts to depend on your partner.
It’s like your entire world is revolving around them but that feeling is a great one for the people who are in love. But once you start enjoying more without your significant one, you are done with them. You would probably punch them down if they try to disturb you while you are having your leisure time. This is when you know that you are good as a free and single bird rather than being chained down with someone. You obviously don’t love them any more if you find the relationship is being too hard on you.
Breaking Up Threats:
If you are getting all of these signs from the above; you will be glad to get a breakup threat from your partner. If you aren’t on the “breakup ready” side, I really feel sorry for you. If your partner threatens you too often that he/she will end the relationship; you need to tell them that they can.
And trust me; they won’t take a second to think about it. If you are getting breakup threats; it’s better to walk off on your own rather being dumped!
So what you think, relationship not working?
Is it wrong to say that nothing is more strong or deep than marriage? The teenage relationships these days are a big source of a depressed life. Hardly 10% people are able to survive with a youth relationship and make it work out.
If you feel that you are not as important as you use to be for someone; you need to get away. You lived without a person before they arrived and you can do so after they leave as well. It is just a matter of how strongly you handle it. You can certainly cry your heart out for once. But it is certainly better than crying daily. Don’t give anyone the power of destroying you or controlling your survival strength. If your relationship is expiring; let it! Cry, build a bridge over it and get over it! life is so much more than you imagine it as after falling in love with a dumb head.
How to give your love a new life?
So, how to make a relationship feel new again? Is it possible? Let’s talk about that. When you go on a date these days, it is much more of a technological meeting than a real date. You order food and interact with each other for like a few seconds, and then you start searching their profiles on your smartphones. You start texting your friends about how he or she is and everything is gone in that smartphone of yours.
You guys are sitting together and that is all you need to focus on! But the blue screened smartphones and gadgets have ruined what Jane Austen introduced us to. When you start searching for that divine love and romance; it is nowhere to be found. But where technology is blamed for perfectly ruined dates;science can bring in those feelings of romance back for you. No, I am not going to prescribe you some medicines here. Love comes from the brain and not from the heart. I know a lot of us say, I love you with all my heart. So I guess you can say “I love you with all my brain!”
The blame we put on our heart is actually all about the brain. Your heart is just pumping blood in your body dude. Those butterflies that you feel in your gut and that feeling when you want to run to hug someone; they are all generated by your brain. To get that Jane Austen romance, you need to boost endorphins and decrease cortisol.
A lot of us are so in love with coffee and that is why you are unromantic as well. Soda cans and coffee brings in dehydration. Dehydration is the root cause of mood swings and an irritable day. If you are irritated, it doesn’t have to be for your partner as well. And obviously, she/he has no liability to tolerate your annoying face and attitude every other day, right? The best way to stay hydrated is to switch to plain water. This is really hard for people who rely on coffee to wake them up. You can switch to tea as it doesn’t promote that much dehydration as coffee does.
Cut Dairy Intake
Testosterone increases your passion level but thanks to dairy, it decreases the level of this hormone in human body. Tell your man to drink less of that huge mug of milk every day. Maybe he turns out to be super romantic the next day. If you want a perfect romantic night with your partner, try avoiding cheese and other dairy products throughout the day. See how the magic works and how your mood boosts up. The bad guys for testosterone are yogurt and cheese. So it is better to cut them into your daily routine to bring your love life to another level.
Working out makes you feel good. How? It helps in boosting the endorphins level which makes you feel happy. Happiness is vital if you want a good love life and for that you need great endorphin level. Thanks to exercise, you can get that, done within 20-30 minutes. A study shows that cycling is really great if you want to increase the desired level.
Music is the core of love. It has been connected to love since ages and is done now as well. If you listen to the perfect collection of love songs…they can set your mood in the perfect direction. You can use a great speaker and put it on high volume to set the mood for your partner as well. That isn’t bad for an idea, right? Music tends to make everything a bit more exciting and how amazing it will be if your romantic mood is turned on with music and excitement?
Lack of sleep makes one stressed out and irritated. Everything around feels really bad! The cortisol level increases due to lack of sleep and testosterone level also drops. So how can you possibly think of romance when your brain is all down? It won’t send in any love signals to your body! For this, it is important that you take 7-8 hours of sleep daily so that you can feel fresh and happy the next day. Sleeping in silk beddings brings in deep and peaceful sleep. People with insomnia can try this as well.
It isn’t new that we blame our soul and heart for matters that are only linked with the brain. If you are lacking romance, it doesn’t specifically have to be the loss of love. It doesn’t mean that you have lost interest in someone. It simply means that you are way too stressed out to let the hormones boost up. All you need is a great, huge glass of water and a deep sleep. Sometimes, it is a lot more than just love which brings romance to your life.
Happy endings are not what marriages are about. Even when Disney has made us feel that way; it literally isn’t. It is so much more than that like it is to keep up with the laziness, annoyingness, and stubbornness of your partner. And how you put up to that is what makes your marriage work out. Keep the best inside yourself and let your partner too. Go out for a walk alone because it isn’t important to have him/her by your side all the time. Trust each other, say whatever you wanna; and see how you make it to your 30th or maybe 50th anniversary happily. No relation can work without mutual respect, understanding, healthy communication and above all forgiveness. You need to be open enough to deal with all the possible downfalls any specific relation can encounter. When it comes to marriage, nothing can be more painful and gnawing than a failed marriage. People marry each other not just for the sake of it, but rather for making peace with life – marriage is one of the most brilliant and beautiful changes in one’s life and it should be looked at the very same way. Marriage requires a lot more than many people even bother acknowledging. Marriages are meant to enrich your life and provide you with that one person with who you can share all your dreams. With that one person, you can have the privilege of being you without any restrictions and barriers. So, shed all those preconceived notions regarding marriage and go ahead with all your dedication and honesty. It is one of the best things that can happen to you and your life if you make the right decision and give it enough time to let it blossom.