As quiet as they may seem on the outside, they have a dialogue going on in their minds. More diverse, more expansive, and long-drawn than you think.
They might initially come off as someone rude or too self-absorbed, but no wonder their quietness secretly consisted of long, well-built sentences they thought of saying to you to make you feel more at home. But all of it just didn’t feel good enough to be spoken, and that sort of left you thinking.
No matter how you are related to an introvert, there always comes the point where communication sounds like a challenging task when it comes to dealing with them.
And that is where, I feel, you might want to keep reading what I have to say.
It all trickles down to comfort
In order to get anyone to open up to you, you have to give them a “vibe” that you are interested in what they have to say. It is just that introverts are more specific about the people they feel comfortable with, and below are some of the points that may assist you get added to that “compact list” of your introvert acquaintance.
Suppose you want an introvert to open up to you. In that case, you may have to follow a variety of rules, ranging from leaving them alone to recharge, giving them space, being your authentic self with them, appreciating them, trying not to treat them as aliens, paying attention to the most minute of details, and more.
Find a quieter spot to bond at
Some introverts might not mind visiting places with many people around, while just the mere idea of going into a crowded public place may be enough to make others tremble with anxiety and fear.
Whatever end of the spectrum they may lie at, it is a fact that the introverts like being at quieter places. This can definitely bring them to feeling the comfort they might require to open up.
Whenever you spend time with them, please don’t hesitate to make conversation, especially talking about yourself. Not only are some introverts good listeners, but they also enjoy it.
You talking about yourself will make them feel like you trust them, and hence, it will be easier for them to reciprocate the trust; if not now, maybe sometime later.
And, of course, it makes a cup of coffee even more interesting if it’s paired with some worthwhile conversation.
However…stay cautious of giving out TMI.
Ingrain it into your head that you don’t have to be the only one doing the talking because you are speaking more. Giving them too much information about yourself will only make them feel like you talk a lot or worse. It can make them feel that you are not good at keeping secrets.
In their silence, if there is one thing most of the introverts breed, it is the trust issues.
Therefore, they are cautious in choosing those who even get to know about the most trivial details of their lives.
Cherish the small moments of silence
While you are talking to an introvert, the chances are that the conversation will consist of many gaps that won’t consist of any words, let alone a discussion.
An introvert being silent in no way indicates his/ her disinterest towards you. Maybe they are thinking of what to say next or what they could have communicated better or nothing.
They like silence, and they are okay with it. You don’t have to try hard to fill it.
Hear them out
Fun fact, there may be more than an introvert has to say than you think.
They are just looking for the right words, the right time, and most importantly, the right person. A combination of the three is formidable for them to find, but they just want to be heard when they do.
Maybe, your introverted friend is a writer, and she just wants you to listen to a piece of her poetry.
Perhaps, he just has something to say about the new philosophical view he came across.
All the while they talk about it, HEAR THEM OUT.
Let technology do half the job for you
A lot of anxiety of an introvert is associated with talking to someone face to face. Although one-to-one conversations are a great idea, it is even better if you find a way to speak to them while they are in their “zone.”
The only time an introvert is in his/her “zone” is when he/ she is alone.
Thanks to the technology and all sorts of social media it brought with it. It has made it so much easier for the introverts and, oh, those who want to get an introvert to open up.
Flaunt the depth of your personality
Introverts like it when their conversations take a leap into the depth and the realities of life. They might not want to know if you were wearing a red dress to the party, but they would like to know if the red color of the skirt meant something to you or if there was a reason you wore it.
Similarly, they may not take a lot of interest in knowing about your daily life, but they will surely love to hear what the day taught you as a person.
Notice the details
They might not say this, but as much as introverts hate being in the limelight, they like being noticed by someone they fancy.
Their words might not tell a lot about them initially, but their actions definitely will. Notice how much sugar they have in their tea, how the rainy days brighten their eyes, and what tends to make them close off a bit more.
Keep it in mind if they like a specific book or a particular flavor of ice cream because it gets introverts quite giddy when they realize that the person they want pays attention to all the little things, just like they themselves do.
Appreciate their art
A vast sum of introverts tends to be very emotional people. That is why they are primarily drawn towards art and expressing emotions in their unique ways.
They might hardly talk about it, but you can see them write it, paint it, sketch it, play it and sing it. Whatever way they choose, always tell them how amazing their art is. Please talk about the details of their skill and art, and see their hearts melt.
Why so serious?
“Why so serious?” they might ask you (in their heads, of course) if life and the depth associated with it are the only things you talk about.
Everyone likes to keep it cool now and then, and much likely, so do introverts. Introverts have their own ways, but they do appreciate the humor.
No wonder your wit will secretly make them admire you, and then, why wouldn’t the admiration eventually lead to opening up?
Be there when the going gets tough
Gestures being big or small, both are hugely noticed by introverts.
They notice. Who was there when life took a steep turn? Who offered a shoulder to cry on? An ear to listen?
If you are someone who proved to be a good friend to them when times got hard for them, they are definitely thinking of opening to you more.
Are you friends with their family?
There are very few places an introvert receives validation and acceptance from, and their family is probably the only ones who stayed by their side and kept them excited throughout life.
Most introverts are very close to their families, and you getting closer to their family is only a step towards them telling you what is on their mind.
Slowly and steadily.
Remember Newton’s third law of motion
Remember how our textbooks told us, “To every action, there is always an equal and opposite reaction”?
Applying that to real-life will surely be of great help! The more you force an introvert to open up, the more they will resist telling you anything at all.
Hence, try not to invade their privacy, step back and let them work at their own pace, and they will surely start to get comfortable with you.
And if you get the signal that they’re not willing to open up at all, then it’s your sign to back off.
Give them their space
Introverts find it hard to be surrounded by people constantly. They need some time out to refuel and to connect with themselves all over again.
If you wish to grow closer to them, you have to respect their ways of coping with life. The more you understand their need for space, the more they will feel understood.
And therefore, it will be easier for them to connect with you on a deeper level.
There is one thing that all this thinking mostly does to an introverted brain. It makes it sensible and thoughtful. Naturally, it would be difficult for an introverted person to open up to someone they think doesn’t quite match their thought process.
Therefore you might need to up your game when it comes to making a conversation with them.
Patience is the key
It might not look like it, but introverts try hard to be a better friend or an acquaintance or a special someone for you. They just are not very expressive about it.
They need time to do that. It is a fact that one needs a lot of patience to do something that rarely happens. Well, waiting for an introvert to open up is one of them.
Let the attachment form itself
Just like any other human being, introverts form attachments too.
They will take time, but once they are attached to you, many of their emotions and life decisions will become dependent on you.
They’d like it when you talk to them more often or hang around every other day until they run out of their energy.
Then, they might need some time out.
Ask for help
The human brain generally feels a sense of confidence when asked for help. More so, introverts are the kind of people who like helping people out with problems ranging from an emotional dilemma to something huge like paying rent.
They would love to help you out and will feel a wave of intimacy flow through them. A
nd then, after the intimacy, what might follow is another heart-to-heart talk.
This time, it could be more about them.
So, all in all, asking them for help will make them realize that they can trust you, and consequently, they will start to open up to you.
Take care of your lies
Most introverts are very closed-off people. They open up to or even talk to only those who they know or feel comfortable with.
n essential element of them feeling comfortable with someone is their trust in you and yours in them.
If in the process of getting acquainted, they discover that you lied about something, they would not consider you as an option to open up to, no matter what.
Don’t try too hard.
It might get stressful when you consistently try and expect an equal amount of reciprocation from the other side in a relationship or a friendship.
Well, honestly, for an introvert, that is too much to ask for in the beginning.
They have built a castle around them and have rigid, thick boundaries. It will take time for them to come out of it.
Meanwhile, you don’t have to stress too much about it.
Sit back and relax. Let time do its thing, and soon you will be successful in helping your introverted friend open up to you. When you get laid back with an introvert, it calms them because all kinds of pressure are eliminated, and they can be their true selves.
Don’t fake introversion
The key to making anyone feel comfortable with you is to be yourself genuinely. Introverts don’t necessarily like introverts only. Sometimes, they find more comfort and compatibility with an extrovert. So keep in mind that as long as you are a genuine, caring person, your personality type won’t matter too much.
It all comes down to this
Not talking too much, needing some time out now and then, needing to recharge privately, stay in their own companies are some things that introverts do. And if you are befriending one, then technically, you’re going through it all again.
As much as these are the traits of an introvert initially getting to know someone, you need to stop and notice. How much time has it been that you are trying?
- If it has been quite some time, you might want to think this through. The other person is doing in the name of introversion could also be a way of avoiding you.
- Try having an open conversation with them about this and tell them how you feel neglected.
- It might also be helpful to mention while talking to them that you need an honest answer.
- And once the conversation is made, try coming to terms with it. We can’t make others like us by force. And that’s okay.
Getting closer to someone who generally doesn’t let many people in his/ her life might sound like a privilege. And it really is great if things work out. But at the end of the day, we need to remember that we all are humans. And we don’t want to lose ourselves in the process of wanting to know one.