Mixed signals and a lack of honest communication are probably the two most frustrating things in relationships. One minute you’re dating a seemingly perfect guy who shows up on time, says all the right things, and is incredibly sweet. Then out of nowhere, your texts stay on delivered for hours, you have no idea where he is for days, and he’s not interested in picking up your phone calls.
Next thing you know, he’s back again with a few apologies, and it’s all good.
This pattern of disappearing then reappearing repeats for a few weeks, and it probably leaves you more confused than ever about your relationship status.
So why exactly does this keep happening, and what do you do about it?
The most common reasons guys disappear for days are that they are afraid of commitment, not ready for a relationship, don’t consider you a priority, or simply need some space now and then. You can deal with this by confronting them and then assessing their answers to decide if you want to let them go or not.
Regardless of what their reason is, it can be incredibly frustrating and usually makes you think twice about where you stand in their life.
Why do guys disappear for days?
Let’s take a closer look at what goes on inside guys’ heads when they disappear for days without any explanations. And sometimes they ghost you and then come back.
It’s over, and he’s too scared to say it!
When everything seems to be going great, and then a guy starts being absent for long periods, only to send a text occasionally, it’s most likely his subtle way of telling you he’s not interested anymore.
Of course, the mature way to go about this would be to have an honest conversation about his feelings with you.
Unfortunately, most guys hate confrontation, so instead of being upfront, they let the relationship slowly fizzle out on its own.
At times, they might not want to hurt your feelings by telling you the truth, and this might be their way of slowly distancing themselves in hopes that it will be less hurtful than breaking up with you face to face.
What if it doesn’t work out?
If a guy starts disappearing, JUST as things are getting serious between the two of you, it’s probably because he is afraid of commitment.
Certain guys enjoy dating or being in a relationship only as long as they can see a way out.
When they’re expected to stick around for something long-term, they get spooked.
They might’ve gotten hurt in their past relationships or just aren’t used to sticking around in relationships for long. This could be because of underlying trust issues, their insecurities, or a fear of messing things up in the long run.
As a result, rather than giving the relationship a real shot, they prefer to duck out instead!
Their fear of commitment might not necessarily reflect their feelings for you, but it does tell you that they are not ready for a serious relationship right now.
They can have very strong feelings for you, but it won’t amount to anything if they’re unwilling to stick around and make you feel loved.
He just has too much going on!
Often, even when guys like you and might want a relationship with you, their current lifestyle doesn’t allow it.
From family problems to an excessive workload or demanding careers, their constant disappearance might just be because they have way too much going on in their lives and can’t make time for you.
Although it is natural for them not to respond when they are wrapped up in their lives, and it might not have anything to do with their feelings for you, it is a clear sign that they don’t have time for a relationship right now.
His priorities don’t include you
This one might be a bit harsh, but it can be true.
Regardless of how busy someone is, they will make time for you if you matter to them.
If a guy has been flaking out on you for quite some time now, but he has no problem making frequent plans with his friends, it’s pretty clear that you are not a priority in his life.
In such cases, disappearance usually goes hand in hand with other behaviors such as frequent cancellation of plans, not paying attention to you, being inconsiderate and dismissive of your feelings, etc.
Even if he likes you, it’s clearly not enough to check up on you more often, keep in touch with you, and not disappear on you without any explanation.
Although this can be hurtful to realize, especially when you care deeply about them, try not to take it too personally.
Everyone has different preferences, and sometimes, you are not theirs, and that’s okay.
When your feelings for a guy are much stronger than his feelings for you, there will be a significant difference in the energy, time, and attention you both give each other.
On the one hand, you might be attached to him and do everything you can to make sure you don’t lose him, while he, on the other hand, might not have reached that point yet.
When you’re putting in extra effort to keep in touch with him, planning special dates, and getting him extravagant gifts, he might find this very overwhelming.
Not only is he not used to all this attention, but he might not even think that he deserves it after realizing that he’s not reciprocating your efforts.
Consequently, he’s going to feel too much pressure to do so. When that happens while the guy isn’t on the same page as you about the relationship, he might deal with it by disappearing and distancing himself now and then.
He needs space to recharge.
For some people, especially introverts, spending time with others, even their partners, can be pretty energy-draining after a while.
This usually happens when you’ve recently spent a lot of time together, and they haven’t gotten a chance to recharge their social batteries.
As a result, they end up retreating to their own space, taking a break from social media, and hanging out to rejuvenate.
Although it can be annoying when a guy does this continuously without letting you know why, it has nothing to do with their feelings for you.
It is simply something that these guys need to do for themselves so that they have the energy to interact properly with you when they come back.
He hasn’t been called out for his hurtful behavior
When we like someone, we can often lower our standards and turn a blind eye to a lot of their hurtful actions.
They might be doing things that we would usually find unacceptable, but we let them slide, often subconsciously.
Plus, it’s usually hard to recognize these behaviors until they start happening more frequently.
This can be anything from never returning your phone calls, replying late to texts, not checking up on you, canceling plans, barely spending time with you, etc. But they all have one thing in common- they are hurtful.
If you don’t call the guy out on these behaviors as soon as you notice them, he’ll probably think that you don’t mind when he keeps disappearing on you and will continue to do so.
What do you do when a guy keeps disappearing and reappearing?
Now that you know the possible reasons a guy might be disappearing on you, what do you do next?
Before jumping to any conclusions, it might be worth confronting the guy in question about his behavior and actions.
Text or call him to let him know that it is not okay for him to treat you like this.
Now, whether it’s a problem on his end or whether he wants to end things with you, a person who respects you will have the decency to let you know the truth.
If he has genuinely just been busy or had something significant going on in his life that might explain his absence, you guys can try working through it together.
On the other hand, if he keeps trying to end the conversation by giving you vague replies and making up baseless excuses for himself, it’s probably time to let him go!
Recognize the energy you’re receiving.
After the confrontation, the guy might have apologized and told you that he’s been too busy, reassured you that he still likes you, and wants to make this work.
All of that can be easy to believe when he sounds sincere, apologetic, and charming. However, it means nothing if his actions don’t prove otherwise. To make sure that he means what he says, you need to look out for changes in his behavior.
Suppose he still keeps disappearing, makes you feel like you’re not a priority, fails to put more effort into the relationship, and repeats his past mistakes. In that case, he doesn’t deserve a place in your life.
When your efforts in a relationship aren’t reciprocated, it’s a clear sign that you value him more than he does you, and this is a relationship you should probably walk away from.
Don’t wait for him to fall in love with you
If a guy admits that he’s been disappearing because he isn’t too sure about his feelings right now, or is afraid to commit, or just not ready for a relationship right now, you should not sit around and wait for him to be ready.
The truth is, if he liked you enough to even think about a future with you, he wouldn’t be treating you like this in the first place, especially not without an explanation because he would know how much that would hurt you.
Waiting around for him will do nothing but hurt you in the long term. Plus, who knows how long you’ll even be waiting?
You deserve someone who is sure about their feelings for you and isn’t afraid to entirely commit to a relationship with you.
Think of this as dodging a bullet.
It’s better to leave now than stick around and let your feelings for him grow deeper in hopes of it getting better; only to find out that he isn’t going to change.
Let him go because better men will come around!
In the meantime, you can meet new people, go on unknown adventures, and spend your time rediscovering yourself!
Set clear boundaries for the future
Regardless of whether a guy has treated you like this once, or multiple times, you need to realize that it is not okay and make sure that no other guy in your life treats you like this in the future.
The best way to do that is to set up the boundaries and standards very high for yourself in a relationship and make sure you are not lowering them for anyone at all.
Write down, or make a mental list of things that you are and aren’t okay with. When you see something on that list happening in a relationship, you need to call the guy out immediately.
Along with that, have clear goals in mind about what you’re looking for in a relationship so that you don’t start something with someone whose goals don’t match yours.
For instance, if you’re looking for a long-term and serious commitment, then keep that in mind while you’re going on dates, and don’t settle for someone who isn’t ready for that, regardless of how perfect they might seem otherwise!
Remind yourself that it’s not your fault and move on!
When someone gives you mixed signals in a relationship that lead to a breakup, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself for everything.
You question your words and actions, replay the moments you spent together in your head, and wonder what you could’ve done differently.
However, you’re doing nothing more than falling down a rabbit hole that won’t be easy to crawl out of!
Whatever the guy’s reasons were for treating you like trash, they had everything to do with him and nothing to do with you.
You deserve someone who can and will reciprocate the energy and love you bring into a relationship.
So leave this guy and relationship in the past.
Move on to finding people who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, people who will add value to your life and make you a priority.
Now that you know the possible reasons why guys disappear now and then and how to deal with it, see how it applies to your life and decide what to do accordingly.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to how a relationship makes you feel.
If it’s not working out with a guy, you’re not going to feel happy around him, and it’s probably best to let him go!