Trust is the essential ingredient needed in every relationship to prosper but when you start to notice your boyfriend telling little lies every once in a while and too frequently to trigger your suspicions and concerns, it is time you do something about it.
Is your boyfriend lying to you without giving his actions any thought? He must be doing it because the things he lies to you about may seem dismissible to him. He is overlooking the fact that no matter how small the lies are, a constant heap of them will surely irk you at some point. You can’t fathom your mind around the fact that your boyfriend isn’t comfortable in talking to you truthfully about little things.
It will be perfectly understandable and justified if your trust in them begins to waver, if you hesitate to tell them big things when they can’t be honest about the little ones. This will cause cracks in your relationship and you both will start to fall apart.
For the sake of your relationship and your own mental and emotional well-being, it is important that you try to eradicate this issue. Should you talk to him openly? How can you figure out his motives? The following article will help you understand your boyfriend’s reasons behind these baseless lies. Once it is cleared, we’ll tell you about some ways and strategies you can approach to bring things back to normal.
What are the reasons your boyfriend is lying to you?
There are a number of reasons why your partner must be lying to you about small things. They might have recently adopted this behavior with you or have been habitually lying to many people about such things their whole life.
Following are some reasons that could explain your boyfriend’s actions. It could be one of them or a collective consequence of all these but they will help you understand the situation better and how you can take steps to amend the problems.
Protecting your feelings
Sometimes, people tell white lies for what they think is for the betterment for the people they care about.
We often hide things from our loved ones if we thing it may give them tension. If your partner thinks that the whole truth will upset you or harm your feelings in any way, they decide to narrate the incident, leaving out the tiny details they deem as unnecessary, thinking they are doing you a favor.
As it is always said and rightfully so, honesty is the best policy. Despite the fact that the truth may seem harsh at the moment, it is better to find the truth from your boyfriend rather than some other third person because that can be more hurting.
To keep a peaceful environment
Truth isn’t always happiness and sunshine. Ironically, it is usually harsh and can lead to drama. Even if the reason might be small but if your boyfriend knows that the truth will cause unnecessary arguments and ruin the environment, he will take the easy way out and hide it for both of yours sake.
For example, they might have spent money on something they know you wouldn’t be supportive about, so they’ve decided to alter the truth so that you won’t find out.
They know that lying will be easier than telling the truth, so they take the easy option, hoping everything will continue to progress peacefully.
He loves your happy and affectionate side
In some cases, you partner might think that skipping or hiding some unnecessary details will make you happy and joyful. He is also aware of the fact that when you are in a good mood, you are overly expressive and generous in your acts of affection.
So in the greed of some extra love he might lie to you about certain things.
To appear strong and less vulnerable
Sometimes, we tend to lie because we don’t want our partners to know that something they’ve done has hurt us or bothered us.
It’s a way of not appearing too sensitive and vulnerable, of keeping our protective guard up so that we don’t look like someone foolish or a person who can be easily hurt by little things.
Your partner might be lying to you about the way that things you do make them feel. It will be wise to straightforwardly tell them if they want to you to change something
Any altered detail of an event automatically transform a simple sentence into a lie. Some people refuse to see it that way, either unintentionally or it is just to ease their guilt.
They don’t correspond lying about big things with just slightly fabricating the truth or lying by omission. They tell you lies for all of the reasons above, without realizing that they’re almost lying to you about everything.
Lying can become an addiction
It is safe to call lying an addiction. One lie leads to another, and the chain goes on. People start to dismiss the immorality associated with lying and only see it as an easy way out. They’re conscience stops feeling guilty and they commit the act without any consideration towards the other person.
And it’s easy to get caught out, because once you start telling a chain of lies, you have to remember a long list of them and keeping all of them hidden turns out to be an impossible task.
A person lies once and then lies again, to cover up the previous lies. In this way a huge stack of lies is accumulated. The negativity from this action can be felt by your partner and it is not a pleasant feeling and causes doubts and insecurities in a healthy relationship.
How to deal with your partner lying about little things?
Everyone is guilty of telling small lies in different phases and situations in life, not just in relationships. If you are being honest with yourself, you must have committed this act too, either unintentionally or consciously.
Most of the times, it doesn’t cause any problems if your intentions are pure and the things really are dismissible. As long as your partner is not getting addicted to the habit and does it once in a blue moon, it is better to ignore it continue working on the prosperity of your bond.
However, if it’s gotten to a stage at which you’re starting to notice this behavior in your partner on a regular basis and it’s starting to cause problems of distrust between the two of you, you need to take action.
This is, at the end of the day, his problem to solve, not yours, but you might be able to do a few things which will help them detach themselves from the habit. After all, it will effect a relation you both are a part of.
Be honest about what’s bothering you
Lashing out at them, calling them a liar and throwing rash accusations won’t get you anywhere. This attitude will only worsen the situation and discourage your partner to talk out things with you.
A calm approach to the matter is more preferable and wise. Take out time and sit down with your partner. Make sure they know that you are open-minded about the situation and are willing to understand their reasons. Let them know that even though what they lie about, are most of the times insignificant things, but they hurt your feeling nonetheless.
Ask them to trust you fully without the fear of the consequences, show them that they can rely on you no matter what the situation.
It’s always good to explain that you know we all lie sometimes; it’s just part of human nature. But that the adhesive of your relationship is trust, so you shouldn’t be telling each other blatant lies, as they could start rotting away the foundation and create distance amongst you two.
You might be able to move on to a discussion about why you think you both lie, and how you can avoid it in future.
Effort should be made both ways
Your partner might lie about lots of little things, but you must be honest in the situation and admit that you have a fair share of lying about little things too. Everyone does.
If you want them to be more honest with you, you yourself have to be the example. Try to be more straightforward and truthful with them, discarding the fact that it may seem harsh at the time. If your partner sees you acting more open with them, it will unconsciously push them to do the same.
You can’t expect something from them that you’re not willing to do yourself. If you run into an ex, you instinctively wouldn’t mention it because you don’t want to dive into an expectedly putting off situation. Change this way and let your partner know. Let them know because he would mind finding it out from someone else and would question your sincerity and intentions at the time.
Telling them to try out not lying about anything for a specific time period may be a bit pushy, since it is a problem of his own conscience, he needs to solve it on his own and any meddling instructions would be a turn off.
You, however can challenge yourself to be honest about everything for a week, in hopes that the positive vibes will affect your partner and relationship for the better.
Prove that you will support him no matter what
Lying is sometimes caused by insecurity or fear of a number of things. Your partner may also be lying to you because they may feel uncomfortable at certain times to be fully transparent with you. He might have the fear of you acknowledging him differently if you know about the little flaws in his personality.
Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you accept him truly and completely just the way he is. He does not need to hide stuff or show an artificial version of himself by lying. Small and sweet gestures of affection and love are really important to boost confidence and security with your partner so try to do those more often.
Be honest about your thoughts and make them believe that you will be by their side no matter what the circumstances. Mistakes are a part of human nature and you need to show him your forgiving side. Encouraging them to take part in activities outside your relationship is also a good action, as everyone needs space once in a while to cool things off and clear our minds.
A person who is secure and confident in himself in daily life is also confident in his relationship. You being a constant support will urge him to be honest with you or else he’ll feel guilty for lying to a person who is always there for him, through all the ups and downs.
Take some time to consider where this behavior might be coming from and then have a sincere discussion with them about it.
Let them know that you’re only saying these things because you’re concerned about what lying might mean for the future of your relationship. Make them aware of the consequences that might happen if your relationship is tainted by distrust. If they truly love you and want to hold onto what you have, they will simultaneously put in effort and try to amend this problem.
On the other hand, if despite your constant efforts of trying to fix this issue, they are stubborn and insensitive towards their actions, it is better that you bluntly tell them that your relationship can’t progress in this manner and will only be toxic for you both. It’s good to make a decision when your boyfriend is pulling down your mental health and fueling your insecurities without any remorse.