Love is a feeling which every soul feels. Every human being falls in love at least once. Loving someone is one of the best feelings a person can feel. People love their soulmates with all of their heart and soul. Love is not bad; we have made it worse. It is not about getting what you want but it asks for understanding that what we love cannot always be ours. Letting go of someone you love who doesn’t love you back is tough but it’s not impossible. Understand that some things aren’t meant for you and know that you deserve someone much better. Never allow your self-worth to go down the aisle due to some other person. Stay in your shoes and stay confident. It is your path to success. You had to go through all this to that new place that you always wanted, waiting for you.
Sometimes you fall in love with the wrong person. They aren’t the right ones for you and that is when the feeling of love changes course from wonderful to worse. This is why suffering in love has now become more of a trend.
Many relationships start with good beginnings but after some time that relation comes to an end with a lot of tears. This is why many people are afraid of love.
When you are in a relationship you plan your future with that person but after some time you see nothing ahead and your mind and heart start to sink.
Forgetting someone you really loved is very difficult. It is not an easy and fast process and if you need to go slow with yourself. You need to be easy for you so that you don’t fall in the wrong places and the wrong hands.
Some ways of letting go of someone who isn’t meant for you.
Give Yourself Time:
You need time to recover. People say that time heals all the wounds and it is true but that doesn’t mean that you have to sit at the same place and wait for time to do everything for you.
You have to be confident and you should be strong as well. You should face all the hardships and all the regrets which you got after that relationship. Sitting around and listening to sad songs won’t help you. If you need time, take it but don’t make it last forever.
However, don’t force yourself to shut down all the feelings that come. Let yourself go with the flow and allow your emotions to drive in and out. The more you try to shut yourself from the world, the more painful the process will be for you.
Meet New People:
The best step for moving on is to meet better people. Meeting new people is very important for all those who have gone through these kinds of bad experiences in the past.
They really need to interact with new people so that they can forget whatever happened previously. You can forget your past by meeting someone new and this can be a good change in your life also.
Making new memories will help you fight the old ones and that is a relief and wonderful thing. This doesn’t mean that you need to get involved with someone new right away.
Meeting new people is as easy as being friends with strangers and having a nice time within some obvious limitations.
Understand the Facts:
Before moving on it is very important to know why you broke up or what the reasons behind all those misunderstandings were and why you are not together.
If you will keep them in mind then moving ahead is not going to be difficult for you.
You can feel better whenever you think about the reasons behind the failure of your relationship.
Keeping all these points in your mind is very important as by this you can move on to the next step of your life.
Also, accept if your faults were also responsible for it so that you don’t make the same mistakes again.
Never sympathize with yourself on long terms. Grow up and shoulder your own mistakes and take responsibility for them.
Set your Standards:
After the bad experience of a tough breakup, all you need to do is to imagine what kind of a guy you want in your life or what qualities should be there in him.
At the same time plan how you are going to deal with the bad habits of the next man or woman you will date.
You should plan how you are going to spend your life with them and what is going to be perfect for you.
Set your standards so that you don’t fall for someone wrong again.
Even if you choose someone after that, you will know that sometimes it is not just meant to be because your standards might fail as well.
Let the Emotional Flu Come:
You can let a runny nose go on and on for a while. Don’t force yourself to stop and pretend like you are totally okay. If you think that people around you are noticing, try to avoid them.
But be sad for a while. Let the emotions flow in and out.
Cry and laugh and then again break into the ugliest cry! The emotional flu will make your anger, desperation, hatred and all of those mixed feelings go away.
But you don’t want to get stuck in that phase for like forever, right?
So you can simply set a time period. You can tell yourself; “Man I am giving you a month and you need to cry, build a river and get over it, within it.”
Setting a time span really helps or you will keep a runny nose going on for days and weeks and months. Don’t do that to yourself.
Kick them Outta the News Feed:
Yes, you cannot block them right away. You will just unblock them after some hours and if they notice that; you are actually the weakest person on Earth for them! So just don’t block them yet.
You don’t need to go bonkers all at once; rushing and doing things that aren’t feasible for that time.
But every time you will open your social media apps like Facebook, they will come across your eyes in the news feed. They might be launching somewhere and you remember all those times you ate at that place together.
And then the romantic flashbacks will follow making you feel miserable all over again. So if you don’t want to be harsh on yourself, keep them limited so that they aren’t there on the news feed.
Go Laughing all Around:
THERAPY TIME is important and no one does it better than friends
Guys make you feel better with that one puff of a cigarette and tell you how miserable life can be than just one breakup.
On the other hand, girls can sit together and make you feel like the queen of this world. So just stop hanging around in your own little room and looking at ceiling fan to make it even worse for you.
Get up and go meet your friends and hang out with them.
Talk about whatever you feel with the closest ones you have and they will certainly make it better for you. That temptation that knocks in at like 2 am at night to text your ex; knock that and text or call your best friend instead.
Do Everything that your Ex Hated:
Being in relationships brings in barriers. Your partner will tell you not to do something because they don’t like it. The list will be oh-so-small in the beginning but with the passage of time, it will start increasing.
Anyways, when you finally break up…you need to rebel. You need to do what your girlfriend or boyfriend hated.
Did he hate it when you hung out on Saturday nights with your friends? How long has it been since you went out then? Do it all now!
Did he/she tell you to stop cliff diving because it was totally insane but you loved it right? So do it now.
Do what makes you feel more like yourself so that you can come back to who you were as an original until he/she told you who you should be.
Change the Way your Room Looks:
This might sound like old school but this really works. Play with your furniture a bit and bring some fresh change to your surroundings. Do you spend most of your time in your room?
Change the way it looks! It will make everything around you look super fresh and that is exactly what you need to get over the shit.
And don’t forget to get new sheets or cushions to make you feel fresh and new.
Let’s GO GET A MAKEOVER:
Change your look, change your style. Make yourself more attractive, handsome/beautiful or anything that you weren’t before.
Get a haircut, buy new trendy clothes or change the way you dress totally.
A makeover is awesome and it will help you get over someone amazingly.
It seriously does wonders.
If you never liked bold nail paints, get them done now. If you never wore shorts in public guys, do it now. Just give yourself a new look and shine.
If you look good, you feel good
Workout is always great:
The emotional flu will last forever if you don’t decide to get up and get done with it.
Make a workout routine for yourself and make sure that you dedicate half-hour from your daily routine to it.
Working out is famous for reducing stress levels and that is all you have in the name of a breakup.
Sweating is going to make you feel perky and the depression will waver off. Exercise is going to boost your happy hormones high and without you knowing it, you will be a happier person sooner or later.
It won’t be magic obviously; like you are crying 2 minutes before and it will suddenly make you laugh. But after some days, it will start working great for you.
Read the post on “How to get 16 inches of biceps?”
Easier said than done, I know. But it is what it is. So all the love you gave to your partner, it is now time to give it all to yourself. Pamper yourself and make yourself feel special. Because baby, no one else is going to do that for you!!
Take a long bubble bath or simply go to a spa. Nothing makes you feel better than a day at the spa.
Getting over a breakup is tough; agreed. But it isn’t the end of the world. You have to move on and get better things attracted to you. Set your aims and dreams high so that you can focus on them rather than any lady or boy.
Don’t dull your spark. Once you are done crying and wiping your nose by the end of your sweatshirt, make sure that you don’t cry for the same reason again.
Kick them out of your life!
Moving past this Breakup the logical way
Being in a loving relationship is a wonderful feeling, but when it comes to break up, it can become one’s worst nightmare.
Everybody wants to love and be loved and when we lose the ones we love, it’s very painful.
Love has many kinds. Most of you guys are here because of a failed “romantic relationship”.
You are sad, can’t move on past your breakup, are tired of missing them and want to get over them, and you will if you understand the science behind love and breakup.
Understand the science behind love and breakup:
In order to get over a breakup one has to think logically and understand “what is love, really?” and that’s the only way one can move on.
It can all be related to science. I believe that there is no subsistence of “true love” or “soul mates”. This might hurt a lot of people but it is the bitter truth. It’s just our subconscious. It has all those recollections stored in. They embedded deep within, what we call the definition of love.
This “love” is only made by all the movies we see, the social media we interact with, the stuff we visually perceive and the stories we mostly discern.
Now I’m not saying that love doesn’t subsist it surely does but there are only a few types of “true” Love.
Love (talking in terms of BF/GF relationships) is mostly just an obsession if not a prurience or a sexual desire, it’s just our brain releasing dopamine and many other sorts of chemicals.
When we think “Why I can’t stop missing her/him, that’s because our brains authentically work that way.
The recollections of your “ex” are scattered all over the place in your brain and those get triggered by your common senses like when you hear a song they dedicated to you once or the smell of a perfume that they used to wear, you start thinking about your past memories.
So when you recall an event by those triggering points, a path is engendered to those memories (In your case memories of your ex).
That path becomes more and more stable and easily accessible to neurons every time you think about your ex and lets your brain peregrinate to those recollections and then there comes a time when it’s very hard to transmute the set paths of those neurons traveling in our brains.
And we say that we can’t stop missing them. In easy words, it’s just like a brain’s muscle memory. It becomes stronger and stronger and only you can change it.
OK so you now know that you have to think logically and it’s all neurons and stuff, but how will you move on?
Well, it can only help you if you give those “triggering points” new sets of paths in your brain and start trying to forget the old ones.
How you forget those old ones?
It needs practice.
Take that first step.
Start ignoring their thoughts, you will eventually forget them.
The point is that there’s always the first step. And that step is the hardest one. It’s like training wheels when you first ride your bike.
So start by ignoring those past painful memories.
Whenever you think about your “ex”, just cancel that thought at once, think of something else entirely.
If you think of them the whole day, bring it down to half a day.
If you have pictures, delete them all today.
Cancel out as many of those triggering points from your life as you can and time will take care of the rest.
Get those memories out of your head when you are off to bed. Don’t think about them when you wake up. They are not as magical as you have made up in your mind by thinking of them over and over again.
You have hard-wired your brain to aid your sleep with those memories, stop doing them today, otherwise, it’s going to get stronger.
They are just your auto-pilot routine, just change it, think of something else when you sleep.
Just make a newer version of those memories and give those neurons in your brain, a new set of paths. I hope you guys are keeping up with me.
Understand that we are selfish
We, humans, are selfish.
Selfishness is in our blood. If we think about it, we really are selfish. We do good deeds for our happiness. We “love” our friends, but we are thinking “hey, I got your back so you take care of mine okay?”
So when your Ex used to say “I Love you” to you, they actually meant “I am attracted to you and when I’m close to you I get these butterflies in my stomach, so we are together because I enjoy those feelings.”
Media and movies have clouded our minds with endless romance. We imagine True Love as the romance that those movies predict to us.
I know this all sounds kind of harsh but it is the sad reality, but despite all we need this sad reality, I mean we can’t be robots so I am not telling you guys to give up hope.
What I mean is that the relationship did not work out and you can have one which does make you happy. You need to stop thinking about your breakup if it did not work out with someone. Look after all we need relations.
Let me quote a little something from one of my other articles:
Almost 75 years ago from now a research “Harvard Study of Adult Development” was started. Read more about it on Wikipedia.
It was conducted on 724 men, out of which only 60 are still alive and research is still going on. It’s the biggest research program that concluded “True happiness comes from healthy relations. Period”
Relations are the key to happiness. We think that they make us happy and so we remain bound to them. So I say don’t give up on love even though it’s selfish.
The bottom line is that what you used to think was not love. It was just simply an attraction. Some part of it was sexual feelings. Others were media putting conceptions and fantasies of love in your head.
If you want to take away one thing from this whole article it’s this:
Think logically, everything is in our control. But only if we wish it to be, it just needs a little practice. Now it’s up to you. Do you want to be in control? Or do you want your emotions to control you?
8 Ways To Get That First Love Feeling Again
Nothing compares to that feeling of something burning inside you when love walks out of your life. Even if there was nothing left to save, the hurt remains. It kills us from inside, chokes us and makes us feel as if we are dying. Why? Well, only because we lose that first love feeling.
To love and to be loved, is to feel the sun from both sides-David Viscot
But we don’t; we survive through it and it all depends on how we manage to that.
We are not what we become, we are what we choose to become.
Breakups hurt. It is really tough to actually love all over again when you have been hurt immensely.
It seems impossible. We all know that feel because we have either been there or maybe some of you might be going through it right now. It seems as if we never trusted anyone ever again in context with the word “love.”
We think that loving anyone doesn’t remain an option in our lives. This does happen; I am not denying it at all. Disappointment leads to giving up on the idea of love or the love of your life.
But, if you give yourself a chance to experience all those butterflies, amazing moments and love all over again; maybe your luck just works this time.
Love never waves you a goodbye; it remains in your life. Yes, you might be dissatisfied but by rejecting it, again and again, you might be missing on some of the best moments or feelings of your life.
Every time you love, you get a new set of feelings and they can be good and bad both. But as easy as it might be to write this down, a lot of people would need a proper method to actually open up to love again.
It’s no recipe obviously (or else I would have given you the best ingredients) but here are some tips that can help you along the way.
1. It is Past:
Heartbreaks keep aching till long. Even when they are long gone, the hurt keeps kicking in time and time and over and over again. But, you can’t permit it to kick you wherever you go. You can’t carry it along with you like a toddler. I agree, it is so hard to forget it but, you cannot allow your past to be your basis of judgment, whenever you meet someone who has the potential to actually love you, the way you have always wanted.
The thing is crystal clear; someone who hurt you in the past will obviously won’t be able to offer you anything different in the future or present. Even when their thought hurts, how can they be your option at all? So let the waves come in and go out but don’t let your past define your future decisions. Accept the fact that it was your past and you can’t undo it.
2. You Have Gotta Trust the Universe:
You don’t know what might come up on the right turn, you are about to take. It might be stuck in traffic, you might meet up with an accident or maybe you might just end up at your place safe and sound! We are all unaware of what might happen next, right? So why do we have to figure everything out like we are the planners? Making efforts to change your luck is determination and that is what helps you out a lot. But in terms of love; you need to trust the universe.
What if your life has some amazing plans for you? Maybe those plans have fewer heartaches and tears this time? Trust the universe and go with the flow. Never abandon yourself to emotions. Read the post on ” Law of Attraction”
3. Carry the Lessons Along:
When I say dig it all in the past I don’t mean to say that forget what it taught you. Every heartache has a lesson. Even when you break up with someone on the right terms, you get to see the pros and cons of yourself and the person you were with. And that obviously teaches you some lessons.
The best way to open yourself to love again is to keep the lessons in your pocket. Never make the same mistakes again due to which your girlfriend or boyfriend left you. And don’t do stuff that made you the bad guy. As I said, take the lessons and throw the rest behind.
4. Don’t let it make You Bitter:
It is really easy to get negative vibes all the time when you have been hurt. It feels like every single person out there is just going to hurt you or is trying to do something awful to you. But don’t let the heartbreak do that to you.
It is easy to actually blame someone else and hate each person you meet. What takes heart and soul is to forgive people. I might sound a minimalist though but you can also look into their reasons; maybe they left because of something or maybe they did well to you. Even when the reasons are too blurry to view at that given moment; try the power of forgiveness. Don’t let it make you bitter.
Trust in the fact that, that specific person was just not the best for you. Maybe there is someone even better out there, waiting for you. As I mentioned above, we are not what situations make us, we are what we choose to become.
5. Don’t shut off emotions, find that first love feeling again:
The majority do this and I am in the same group. Or let’s say I used to be. We believe that building up walls will save us. But actually, it is the major thing that is drowning us.
Looking at love with the negative eye will make life harder.
Shutting your emotions down will make you more of a bitter person with each passing day and you won’t be a happier version of you at all. Remember, that love will always come and go. You need to learn to surf the waves rather than giving up and drowning!
6. Be Honest to yourself:
All we want is to blame others for the hurt. We feel like the world conspired against us, to get us away from that person. We don’t see their side and who cares about that? All we care about is the fact that we got hurt and the entire world could go to hell, right? But you need, to be honest with yourself.
Who went wrong? Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s them and sometimes it’s both of you and sometimes the time and luck aren’t just good enough! Fears and insecurities are a great reason why a lot of couples break up these days. Just remember one thing; problems never occur from one side especially when it comes to relationships. It is always a two-sided issue, however, the contribution varies.
Be honest as to how much did you contribute to the breakup and pin them down. Accept your faults and learn from them. Get up and move onwards.
7. Love is a RISK; Accept it:
Love never comes with a lifetime guarantee and it is always risky. Opening your feelings to someone and making them see under your skin, enter your soul and every little tiny detail of you being exposed to them is a big risk. What if they leave? The outcome is never ever guaranteed. So are you never going to love again?
Remember one thing; some risks are worth it! Sometimes the risk is what keeps you alive and makes you feel the best ever feelings of your life. Think before you shut down feelings for someone; maybe they are all you wanted!
8. Take your Time:
It’s never good to try moving on within a day or two. You need to take the time to heal. Yes, you aren’t supposed to cry for months or years. You just need to give yourself some time to heal. Cry your nose off, make that pillow feel sorry to be in your room, hug your teddy bear if that makes you feel better, sit on the bathroom floor wondering what went wrong and all that stuff that comes along with the “after breakup” package.
But be sure that you are not going to allow yourself to cry for years to come!
2-3 weeks is all that you need to allow yourself for healing and then move on. Don’t live for them and don’t wait for them. Embrace your life.
Heartache can do a lot worse to you. It can break you into pieces but, you need to pick those broken pieces and move on. Maybe your fate guy or girl is waiting for you out there. LOVE is always a risk and you don’t need to find a perfect one. Everyone is going to hurt you in life. You just need to find someone who is worth getting hurt for. Someone who means a lot to you and be sure that the sun is burning from both sides. Never let the flames of one-sided love burn you.
Open your arms to embrace love again in life because it does make life beautiful. People who have experienced the warmth of it will agree with me. Don’t close yourself to love. Let the healing process be gradual and don’t jump into another pool right away. But don’t abandon yourself from love for a lifetime.
Getting over your breakup is hard. You append so much time with them and then suddenly, after years of being together, some just come along and BOOM, they aren’t the perfect one for you.
And might feel guilty if you are breaking up but you will also have reasons.
You will have that sticky and runny nose, but you will move on now or then.
But let me just tell you one thing; sick and emotional Facebook statuses, stalking your ex on social media platforms, having endless shots of whatever makes you forget the pain and sleeping or flirting with someone else, will just not make it all fall in the right place.
It is just going to get worse trust me.
I guess, the third one might make you feel a bit better, but you might just fall into another mud puddle when you haven’t even gotten up from the first one.
It is usually assumed that the person who leaves is always at peace. But if you can have reasons to cry your eyes out every night, maybe another person has reasons to walk out as well.
You need to respect both the parties for the decision. The decider suffers equally but they just aren’t given the right to show it because they become the bad and evil guys.
Anyways, a lot of people man up and decide to move on.
They make it work out for themselves and they finally move on. The storm does change them somehow and that is totally their own choice. You cannot blame anyone for the way they choose to come out of the misery.
It can be positive and shining or it can be the most badass guy you have ever met.
What I mean to say is that you are allowed to get over it in any form that you want to. But what if, you are not just doing the right thing to move on or get over the breakup?
What if every time you are bored, your mind wanders off to that person? And despite stopping yourself and screaming at your self-respect, you just open your shiny smartphone and send them a text.
And you don’t even realize it then that you have done the wrong thing you just keep on doing it, until one day they don’t even reply you back.
Does your self-respect knock on the door then?
Anyhow, every one of us has fallen in love and has faced the breakup phase as well. However, the majority moves on because that is how new couples are formed.
But then there are people that no matter what they do; they just aren’t able to get over it. I will tell you why they don’t get over it; they are doing the wrong things! Stop checking for him if he/she is online or not, they aren’t checking up on you either. Stop texting them whenever you feel alone to find peace back in your mind.
They are just trying to make you feel better, but they are already gone.
So here are some simple ways through which you can try getting over your breakup and embracing your new life in a great way!
Don’t cry over ex’s, they will probably build a river over them and get over it faster than you do.