Love is a heavenly feeling. Every human being experiences the compassion of loving and being loved, at least once in their lives. It has to be one of the most wonderful feelings that one encounters. But it is not always the same for everyone.
The emotion of intimacy is not always great for everyone. Some experience it in a rather negative manner. However, what we lack to understand is that love is not the evil guy here; we are. The modern generation is unable to understand the essence of fondness.
Love is not about getting what you want. It is about understanding the fact that it is completely fine if the person you love, doesn’t reciprocate the same emotion about you.
Letting go of someone you love who doesn’t love you back is tough but it’s not impossible. Stepping into a relationship where the other person has nothing to offer to you, leaves a massively negative impact on your personality.
It hurts your self-esteem and shatters your confidence. It doesn’t seem so hurtful in the beginning but in the middle of it, you realize that you have taken on the wrong path.
Understand that some things aren’t meant for you and know that you deserve someone much better.
Someone who actually adores you! Never allow your self-worth to go down the aisle due to some other person.
Stay in your shoes and stay confident. Why hold on to someone who doesn’t love you back? Remember, a relationship is run by two people who reciprocate the same feeling.
If you love someone who lacks the feeling of being affectionate towards you; why are you staying there?
Falling in love is not in your control but understanding and accepting the fact that the person doesn’t love you back is definitely under your control. You can make a better choice than staying in a place where you are not celebrated.
Ways to let go who isn’t meant for you
It is hard. It might tear you apart for some days. You will be a wrecking ball of various emotions like anger, grief, sadness, anxiety, and much more. But if your self-esteem is dear to you, you will definitely make the right decision.
Once you are determined to let go of someone who doesn’t love you back, you will feel much better.
So how do you let go of someone who isn’t meant for you? As challenging as it might be, here are some ways you can do so:
Give Yourself Time:
You need time to recover. People say that time heals all the wounds and it is true.
However, time won’t heal you if you decide to sit on your couch and weep until time does magic and your feelings disappear.
You need to accept that this will be hard but keep reminding yourself that you are worth a lot more.
Sitting around and listening to sad songs won’t help you. If you need time, take it but don’t make it last forever.
Tell yourself that you can grieve for a week but then you will have to stand up again and make your life better.
However, don’t force yourself to shut down all the feelings that come.
Let yourself go with the flow and allow your emotions to drive in and out.
The more you try to shut yourself from the world, the more painful the process will be for you.
Meet New People:
The best step for moving on is to meet better people.
Meeting new people can be helpful for all those who have gone through these kinds of bad experiences in the past.
However, don’t try to replace that certain individual with someone new.
Interacting with new people who don’t know about your past is amazing.
None of them will discuss the ugliness of loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
Making new memories will help you fight the old ones and that is a relief for someone who is eager to get out of this depressing phase.
However, don’t try to enter a love relationship again. Make new friends but keep a good and healthy distance.
You don’t want to experience another heartbreak right away.
Understand the Facts:
Before moving on it is very important to look into the facts.
Understand why you broke up or what made you take this decision.
If you will keep all the facts in your mind and keep reminding yourself about why you are doing this; moving on will become a little easier.
Set your Standards:
After facing a tough relationship, you come to terms with what kind of life partner you actually want.
The bad experience helps you build standards for yourself and you also learn how to deal with various problems in a bond.
Learn from this challenging relation which taught you the reality of one-sided love.
Set your standards wherever you want them and make sure that you don’t lower them for anyone.
You don’t wish to fall for the wrong person again.
Even if you choose someone after that, you will know that sometimes it is not just meant to be because your standards might fail as well.
Let the Emotional Flu Come:
Don’t force yourself to stop and pretend like you are totally okay. If you think that people around you are noticing, try to avoid them.
But be sad for a while. Let the emotions flow in and out.
Cry and laugh and maybe just break into another crying fit again.
The emotional flu will make your anger, desperation, hatred, and all of those mixed emotions go away. But you don’t want to get stuck in that phase forever, right?
So you can simply set a time period. You can tell yourself; “Man I am giving you a month and you need to cry, build a river and get over it.”
Setting a time span really helps or you will keep a runny nose going on for days and weeks and months.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Feel every emotion and let it go.
Kick them Out from the News Feed:
Yes, you cannot block them right away. You will just unblock them after some hours and if they notice that; you are actually the weakest person on Earth for them! So just don’t block them yet.
You don’t need to go bonkers all at once; rushing and doing things that aren’t feasible for you at that time.
But every time you will open your social media apps like Facebook, they will come across your eyes in the news feed. They might be dining out somewhere and you will remember all those times you ate at that place together. And then the romantic flashbacks will follow, will make you feel more miserable. So if you don’t want to be harsh on yourself, keep them limited so that they aren’t there on the news feed.
Go Laughing all Around:
THERAPY TIME is important and no one can push into a laughing fit, better than a group of good friends.
Guys make you feel better with that one puff of a cigarette and tell you how miserable life can be than just one breakup.
On the other hand, girls can sit together and make you feel like the queen of this world.
So just stop hanging around in your own little room and looking at the ceiling fan to make things even worse.
Get up and go meet your friends and hang out with them.
Talk about whatever you feel with the closest ones you have and they will certainly make it better for you. That temptation that knocks in at like 2 am at night to text your ex; knock that and text or call your best friend instead.
Do Everything that your Ex Hated:
Being in relationships brings in barriers. Especially if your partner doesn’t love you back; they will try controlling you.
They will tell you to stop doing certain things because they don’t appreciate them.
In the beginning, it might be small things that don’t really matter. But with the passage of time, the list starts getting bigger.
Anyways, when you finally break up…you need to rebel. You need to do what your girlfriend or boyfriend hated. Did he hate it when you hung out on Saturday nights with your friends? How long has it been since you went out then? Do it all now!
Did he/she tell you to stop cliff diving because it was totally insane but you loved it right? So do it now.
Do what makes you feel more like yourself so that you can come back to who you were as an original until he/she told you who you should be.
Change the Way your Room Looks:
This might sound like an old school idea but this really works. Play with your furniture a bit and bring some fresh change to your surroundings. If you spend most of your time in your room, then giving it a little makeover will change your entire vibe. Your surroundings can really boost your energy.
A new room outlook will help you in setting a new mindset for yourself too. And don’t forget to get new sheets or cushions to make you feel fresh.
Let’s Go get a makeover:
Change your look, change your style. Make yourself more attractive, handsome/beautiful, or anything that you weren’t before.
Get a haircut, buy new trendy clothes, or change the way you dress totally. A makeover is awesome and it will help you get over someone amazingly.
Wear dresses that your partner never liked because they were too small or casual. It seriously does wonders.
If you never liked bold nail paints, get them done now. If you never wore shorts in public guys, do it now.
Just give yourself a new look and create a good vibe for yourself.
Remember! If you look good, you feel good. The reflection in the mirror matters a lot and can push you towards magnificent things.
A workout is always great:
The emotional wreck will last forever if you don’t wish to get over with it. Your determination matters a lot. This might be the last thing you want to do but try working out.
Make a workout routine for yourself and make sure that you dedicate half-hour from your daily routine to it.
Working out is famous for reducing stress levels and that is all you have in the name of a breakup. You can start with as low as 15 minutes and perk up the time gradually.
Sweating is going to make you feel perky and the depression will waver off. Exercise is going to boost your happy hormones and without you knowing it, you will be a happier person sooner or later.
It won’t be magic obviously; like you are crying 2 minutes before and it will suddenly make you laugh. But after some days, it will start working great for you.
Love Yourself First:
Easier said than done, I know. But it is what it is. So all the love you gave to your partner, who never loved you back; it is now time to give it all to yourself. Pamper yourself and do everything that makes you feel special. Nobody is you and that is your power.
Take a long bubble bath or simply go to a spa. Nothing makes you feel better than a day at the spa.
Getting over a breakup is tough; agreed. But it isn’t the end of the world. You have to move on and get better things attracted to you. Set your aims and dreams high so that you can focus on them and hustle.
Don’t dull your spark. Once you are done crying and wiping your nose by the end of your sweatshirt, make sure that you don’t cry for the same reason again.
Kick them out of your life!
Moving Past the Breakup in a Logical Way
Being in love is a delightful feeling until the next person doesn’t love you back and the daydream turns into a nightmare.
Everybody wants to love and be loved. But when you are not loved in return; everything seems to pivot in a negative direction.
Love has many kinds. Most of you guys are here because of a failed “romantic relationship”. You are sad and depressed and no matter how hard you try, the moving on phase seems never-ending, right? Well, if you try to understand the science behind this, it might help you get on with life.
Understand the science behind love and breakup:
In order to get over a breakup one has to think logically and understand “what is love, really?” and that’s the only way one can move on.
It can all be related to science. I believe that there is no subsistence of “true love” or “soul mates”. This might hurt a lot of people but it is the bitter truth. It’s just our subconscious. It has all those recollections stored in. They embedded deep within, what we call the definition of love.
This “love” is only made by all the movies we see, the social media we interact with, the stuff we visually perceive, and the stories we mostly discern.
Now I’m not saying that love doesn’t subsist it surely does but there are only a few types of “true” Love.
Love (talking in terms of BF/GF relationships) is mostly just an obsession if not a prurience or a sexual desire, it’s just our brain releasing dopamine and many other sorts of chemicals.
When we think “Why I can’t stop missing her/him, that’s because our brains authentically work that way.
The recollections of your “ex” are scattered all over the place in your brain and those get triggered by your common senses like when you hear a song they dedicated to you once or the smell of a perfume that they used to wear, you start thinking about your past memories.
So when you recall an event by those triggering points, a path is engendered to those memories (In your case memories of your ex).
That path becomes more and more stable and easily accessible to neurons every time you think about your ex and lets your brain peregrinate to those recollections and then there comes a time when it’s very hard to transmute the set paths of those neurons traveling in our brains.
And we say that we can’t stop missing them. In easy words, it’s just like a brain’s muscle memory. It becomes stronger and stronger and only you can change it.
OK so you now know that you have to think logically and it’s all neurons and stuff, but how will you move on?
Well, it can only help you if you give those “triggering points” new sets of paths in your brain and start trying to forget the old ones.
How you forget those old ones?
It needs practice.
Take that first step.
Start ignoring their thoughts, you will eventually forget them.
The point is that there’s always the first step. And that step is the hardest one. It’s like training wheels when you first ride your bike.
So start by ignoring those past painful memories.
Whenever you think about your “ex”, just cancel that thought at once, think of something else entirely.
If you think of them the whole day, bring it down to half a day.
If you have pictures, delete them all today.
Cancel out as many of those triggering points from your life as you can and time will take care of the rest.
Get those memories out of your head when you are off to bed. Don’t think about them when you wake up. They are not as magical as you have made up in your mind by thinking of them over and over again.
You have hard-wired your brain to aid your sleep with those memories, stop doing them today, otherwise, it’s going to get stronger.
They are just your auto-pilot routine, just change it, and think of something else when you sleep.
Just make a newer version of those memories and give those neurons in your brain, a new set of paths. I hope you guys are keeping up with me.
Understand that we are selfish
We, humans, are selfish.
Selfishness is in our blood. If we think about it, we really are selfish. We do good deeds for our happiness. We “love” our friends, but we are thinking “hey, I got your back so you take care of mine okay?”
So when your Ex used to say “I Love you” to you, they actually meant “I am attracted to you and when I’m close to you I get these butterflies in my stomach, so we are together because I enjoy those feelings.”
Media and movies have clouded our minds with endless romance. We imagine True Love as the romance that those movies predict to us.
I know this all sounds kind of harsh but it is the sad reality.
If one relationship did not work out or the person you loved, didn’t love you back, doesn’t really mean that you won’t find love again. You will and you will be happier when you find someone who reciprocates the same feelings for you.
Let me quote a little something from one of our other posts:
Almost 75 years ago from now a research “Harvard Study of Adult Development” was started.
It was conducted on 724 men, out of which only 60 are still alive and research is still going on. It’s the biggest research program that concluded “True happiness comes from healthy relations. Period”
Relations are the key to happiness. We think that they make us happy and so we decided to remain bound to them.
The bottom line is that what you used to think was not love. It was just simply an attraction. Some part of it was sexual feelings. Others were media putting conceptions and fantasies of love in your head. Or maybe it was an immense fondness for you but not for your partner. And in the end, you cannot force someone to love you.
If you want to take away one thing from this whole article it’s this:
Think logically, everything is in our control. But only if we wish it to be, it just needs a little practice. Now it’s up to you. Do you want to be in control? Or do you want your emotions to control you?
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is torturous. It turns your life upside down and leaves a negative impact on your
Why is the generation suffering in the name of affection and fondness? It is simply because we are not doing it right.
Love is not all sunshine and flowers. I
t comes with rain and storms too. However, if your partner doesn’t love you back; it is not a bond. It is just one side of love.
And it ruins your self-esteem and personality. Therefore, it is best to leave that love behind you and wait for someone who will be as fond of you, as you are of them.
Love yourself enough to know that you deserve the best.