Sibling rivalry is all fun and games until you grow up and have real- life problems to deal with; such as, being in a position where you don’t like your brother’s girlfriend.
On the one hand, you’re worried about your brother because you think that this girl might be bad for him or hurting him in some way.
But on the other hand, you don’t want to do anything that might push him away and make him feel like you’re trying to control his life.
So what do you do when you don’t like your brother’s girlfriend and want to look out for him?
First and foremost, try and spend some time with your brother’s girlfriend to get to know her as best as you can. Then, in a polite manner, talk to him about the concerns you might have regarding his relationship. However, don’t force him to do anything if he makes it clear that she is going to stay.
Trying to navigate through what you need to do so that you can look out for your brother can be tough because there are certain pointers to keep in mind to make sure you don’t lose him in the process.
So, let’s get into it.
Why do you not like your bro’s GF?
It would seem like the most obvious thing to do when you don’t like your brother’s girlfriend is just to let him know.
However, it’s not always that simple, especially, when you might not have the best relationship with your brother, or if she is his first girlfriend, or if you suspect that he might not react well to that conversation at all.
So, before you actually get around to talking to him, the first thing you need to figure out is where your dislike for your brother’s girlfriend comes from.
Do you personally not like her attitude, personality or style? Or is it because you don’t like how she treats your brother nor how he acts around her?
Has she been hurtful to your brother? Has she been rude to you or the rest of your family members?
If your reasons for not liking your brother’s girlfriend are simply because of personal preference, then you probably shouldn’t say anything to your brother. Instead, just limit your interactions with her as much as possible and remain civil whenever you run into each other.
However, if you have a genuine reason for not liking your brother’s girlfriend, then at some point, you’re going to have to voice your opinions about her to your brother, especially if things get more serious between them.
When you get around to doing that, you must know what you’re talking about. If you’re saying something against his girlfriend, where is it coming from?
If you think she mistreats him, why is that so?
You need to make sure that there are solid reasons for not liking her that lie in your brother’s best interests.
It can’t hurt to try and get to know her… right?
If your brother’s girlfriend seems like she’s there to stay in his life, and he is happy to be with her, then it might be worth trying to spend some quality time with her, and find some sort of common ground with her.
Especially, if you haven’t gotten the chance to get to know her properly yet.
You could offer to go for lunch, spend a girls’ day together or simply chat at home. Make sure that whatever it is that you chose to do, it’s not too intimidating for her and that she feels comfortable being herself around you.
Who knows, maybe, once you actually spend more time with her you might end up finding similarities between the two of you, and perhaps, actually end up liking her!
If she spends a lot of time at your place, you can try and spring up a casual conversation with her during dinner, or family game night etc.
Don’t try to start a conversation with her when she seems to be busy or spending time with your brother, because that will most likely not end up well.
Along with that, make sure that when you’re talking to her, you sound more like a friend and less like an interrogator.
As much as you might want to find out exactly who she is, if you start shooting questions at her, she’s likely going to feel very uncomfortable and most probably not end up answering any of them at all.
Keep in mind that she is someone your brother brought home, and that does entitle her to some sort of respect from you and your family!
Does she make your brother happy?
Before you start telling your brother how you feel and what to do, make sure to find out exactly how he feels about his relationship and girlfriend.
Is he happy to be with her, or has he been upset and felt isolated from the rest of his friends and family?
Is she controlling and forces him to cancel plans with other people to spend time with her? Or is she someone he has fallen in love with and cannot imagine a life without?
How does he feel after spending time with her? All in all, does she make him happy?
If your brother is unhappy in the relationship, then he might appreciate your concern. It will also be the perfect opportunity to let him know that you have some similar opinions as they could help him validate his feelings.
However, if he seems happy to be with her, then there isn’t much that you can do for him.
It is his relationship, and how she treats him matters more than how she might treat you or the rest of his family.
It might be time to tell your brother how you feel…
Once you’ve figured out what you don’t like about your brother’s girlfriend, even after spending some time with her, it’s time to talk to him about it.
In most circumstances, talking to your brother about your feelings towards his girlfriend only works when you guys have had a somewhat decent relationship in the past.
But here’s the thing, you can’t just go up to him and relay everything wrong with his girlfriend. That’s not going to end well, and it will only make your brother resent you.
If you start citing allegations against her, especially without any backup, your brother will immediately turn very defensive and probably not listen to anything that you have to say with an open mind because to him, you will be attacking someone that he cares about.
He’ll likely think that you are trying to sabotage something good in his life, even though you will only be speaking from a place of great love and care for him.
So, when you go to speak to him, make sure you’re just voicing some concerns that you have in a polite, direct and non-accusatory manner.
Express what it is about his girlfriend that makes you feel like she might not be the right fit for him, even if she isn’t a bad person.
Even if you strongly dislike his girlfriend, it’s important not to let things get escalated to the point where you have to ask your brother to choose between the two of you.
This will risk putting your relationship with your brother in jeopardy.
Especially if his relationship with his girlfriend has progressed to the point where she might be one of the most influential people in his life, and he can potentially see a future with her.
It’s very likely that he will choose the potential “love of his life” over his sister.
Once you’re done voicing your feelings, give him the chance to talk about it with you if he feels comfortable doing so.
Despite everything, you need to respect his decision!
When your brother expresses how he feels about his girlfriend, and everything that you have to say about her, you need to listen to him respectfully.
Make sure that he knows, that not only is his opinion valid, but you’re also listening to him as someone who is capable of knowing what’s best for himself.
Not just as a sister who knows what’s best for him.
At the end of the day, regardless of how old your brother is, you can’t really force him to do anything that he does not want to.
After you have voiced your concerns about his girlfriend, you need to step back and respect his decision about what he wants to do.
If you don’t do that, and keep trying to force him to break up with her, it’s most likely not going to end well and might cause a rift between the two of you.
Plus, as his sister, he’s going to appreciate it if you get along with his girlfriend.
Even if you think he might be making a huge mistake by staying with her, you need to let him make this mistake to learn for himself.
It is his life, and he gets to choose the people he wants to let into his life, and keep close, without a second opinion.
That being said, it’s also your life, and if you don’t want to keep interacting with her, then you don’t have to do so either.
Remain civil with her
Now, if you and your brother don’t have a healthy, communicative relationship, to begin with, it’s also possible that talking to him about your feelings towards his girlfriend might not be the best option.
He might not trust you enough to make a judgment about her, or he could argue that you haven’t spent enough time with her to really get to know her for who she is.
At times, you, yourself, might not think that you have spent enough time with your girlfriend to know who she really is.
In such cases, the only thing you can do is remain civil with your brother’s girlfriend. Whenever you’re around her, try not to pass any passive aggressive comments or simply ignore her when she’s addressing you.
You don’t have to engage in polite conversation with her, but whenever you’re around her, Say the general hellos and goodbyes when you meet and for the rest of the time, stay out of her way.
If you act rudely towards her, without offering any explanation, you’re going to be labelled as the bad guy and it will likely stir up a lot of drama!
You’re most likely not going to be forced to spend time with his girlfriend if you don’t want to, but in case you have to because of family events, or family vacations, just stay out of her way.
Focus on the other people who’re around there who are not dating your brother!
For all you know, she might not even stay in your brother’s life for a very long time, in which case, you won’t have to bother with her for much longer either.
However, if she does end up becoming his wife at some point, it’ll be even more important to treat her with a certain level of respect, in order to avoid fights with your brother’s future family!
What do you do when your brother’s girlfriend is very bad for him, but he doesn’t see it?
It’s possible that your brother’s girlfriend might have emotionally manipulated him to the point where he does not realize how harmful the relationship is for him.
Some of the signs of such a toxic relationship can be extreme isolation from friends and family, extreme dependency on his significant other, obvious signs of his significant other using him, constant stress and low moods, etc.
In such cases as well, talking to your brother might not work because he could refuse to reason with you.
However, that doesn’t mean that you stop trying to make him see that he is worth better.
Until he’s ready to have that conversation, and leave his girlfriend, the only thing you can do is remain by his side and make sure that you are there whenever he feels ready to reach out for help.
Don’t give up on him and let him stay in the relationship.
If it is, truly bad for him, if he’s lucky, at some point, he is going to realize that life doesn’t have to be that way and find his way out of it. When he does, make sure that you are there to help him through it.
At the end of the day, your brother will probably meet a couple of girls throughout his life, and not all of them will be good for him.
But if you voice all of your negative opinions about each of them, whenever they come, he’s not going to learn how to handle relationships and decide what’s good for him on his own.
If the girl has very clearly been toxic towards your brother in any way, then, by all means, voice your concerns to him in a polite and concerned way; but that’s usually the extent of what you can do as his sister.
You can’t force him to remove someone from his life, but you can hope that he eventually sees how the girl is treating him and decide what’s best for him, by himself!