Being apologetic all the time and need to stop? Well, you came to the right place. I get it what you mean, you are entering a train and your hand accidentally brushes against someone else’s, you automatically say ” Oh I’m sorry.”
You want your sister to do something for you and you go:
Hey Emilia, I am sorry to bother you but…
And then your boss comes up and asks why you are late today and instead of telling them the reason direct, you start with I AM SORRY Boss and he doesn’t even bother to listen to the rest. You are sorry, right? Then who needs the logic? You are the guy at the top!
You say sorry at least 10 times a day, whether it is your mistake or not. We all do it. Even I used to do it.
It is not even an apology anymore; the value of “sorry” has been devalued so much that we really don’t feel sorry while even saying it.
“Sorry” or “pardon” is just a plain gesture now.
To all those people who apologize now and then, on stupid things, and on mistakes they didn’t make, on things they didn’t say or on simply anything and everything; why do you do that?
Let’s just admit this fact; we say sorry because we want to put an end to a lot of arguments really well. We just say it to finish the topic, dissolve it and it’s gone with the wind.
Your trick really worked but something stays in your mind, that stupid topic and that argument stay, prying your mind slowly. That sorry you said, didn’t come from your heart and now you realize that it wasn’t even your mistake.
So don’t apologize to shut off a fight. If you don’t feel like apologizing, simply don’t. Stop being apologetic.
Why do we apologize?
We apologize because we feel the other person is offended or nudged by our actions. We feel the need to accept that it was our mistake so the other person is not offended anymore to whatever degree s/he was. So that person may know that it was our mistake and everybody makes mistakes and you are willing to try, that specific action never happens again. We feel guilty by our actions and we believe that it caused hurt to the other person and by apologizing you admit that it’s your fault because this act is sometimes bigger than the relationship you are in.
In other words, apologizing clarifies that the so-called incident wasn’t meant to happened and it happened because of the given circumstances.
But still, it shouldn’t be simply a word “sorry” or even “sorry, won’t do it again”. An apology is a big gesture and you need to understand that there are only a couple of apologies to give away in life so be wise with them. Handle the situation. Tell the next person all the details of why that mistake happened and then see if there is a need to apologize.
After all, an apology does hurt your self-esteem and ego, which never really feels good. Everyone wants to be right. And in most of the cases, you are not wrong, it’s just the other person who didn’t understood you properly.
So How to stop being apologetic?
Reduce Value of “Sorry”:
We are stripping away the meaning and value of a sincere and from the heart apology. We really are! When we apologize just to bring an end to something quickly when it clearly isn’t our mistake, we don’t feel it and we devalue it.
We do it only because some of us don’t really like the argument. We are the calm ones. We tend to stay in peace and we find the quickest way out of a situation and overtime we thought that maybe saying the word “sorry” can actually do that.
I for one hate the argument and I used to apologize for the situation or if not, handle it poorly. But I learned the hard way that you don’t say this word anymore. We need to stand our ground.
Taking this calm way out made me lose the “argument factor”.
Suddenly, one day, I realized that I can’t argue anymore intelligently because I have been never practicing it.
Now, I am not asking you to overdo it. All I am saying is that it should be there otherwise people won’t take you seriously. When you apologize, only do it if it’s a sincere one and not to get out of any argument or situation. And kudos, to such chronic apologizers as they have actually done that to the society! Who apologizes from the heart now? 1 over 10 people may be!
Cutting the long story short; save your apology for when you actually feel so, mean it and accept that you are at fault.
Okay first, you need to apologize when you are wrong because that does not devalue you. But still not right away. Look into it, as you might feel sorry for almost all things like I used to do. Analyze the situation and then consider if it’s your fault or not. Don’t just apologize. Sometimes, people like us, when we analyze the situation critically, we find out that “hey, it’s not my fault at all”…so be sure to look int0 it.
You can even sometimes get out of the situation without being sorry even if it’s your fault. By simply using the power of words.
That’s the beauty of argument, if you argue correctly, you’re never wrong. —Christopher Buckley
So you can even learn the power of argument and improve your communication skills.
In situations, where you say sorry when it clearly isn’t your fault, you tell people that they are worth more than you actually are in the first place. Does that make sense to you?
You don’t have to shoulder the responsibility of someone else’s mistake. Not at all!
You aren’t Batman or Iron Man or Superman or you aren’t here to be some hero. You are simply you! So don’t be sorry in situations that aren’t your fault in the first place. Dump those drumheads away anyway. No need to have toxicity or toxic people in your life.
You know very well that deep down you are the right one, but it’s just that, you can’t simply put forward a strong argument or simply don’t want to.
Never could resolve a fight:
For all those people who are pushovers and don’t like confrontations a lot, they will give you this long text and make you feel like you are the one wrong. What they won’t do is, type a single sorry and send it.
They will dig the past and things that they have imagined in their own mind and by the end, you decide to throw an apology in their face and run away from them.
Where in a lot of situations this is great, sometimes you need to put on your “big girl undies” and actually talk back to them. Tell them to shut off their assumptions and those lengthy texts of theirs; you simply need to man up.
Saying sorry might end the fight for you. But it won’t work like talking to each other would. And thanks to smartphones, our tones are highly misinterpreted on texts. I would recommend meeting up and resolving the issue. That works!
Feel Sorry yourself:
If you work in an office and you are saying sorry to everyone, even if you drop their pen; you will be labeled as the sorry guy.
It gives an impression of “I am the sorry person” to everyone around you.
Even if you aren’t a sorry individual; you will be labeled as one. So don’t do that to yourself.
If you drop someone’s pen, pick it up and place it on their desk. Simple, isn’t it? At least it is simpler than being the sorry personality in your workplace. Still, if you still want to apologize for dropping a pen.
“I am sorry I forgot your notebook back at home, I will bring it tomorrow.”
I would rather prefer: “hey I forgot your notebook back at home, I will hand it over to you tomorrow.”
Saying so much sorry is going to make you feel less sorry from the heart. Apologizing is not a gesture. It is something that is meant to come from the heart.
So you need to apologize only when you have made a big mistake. And by the way, sorry ain’t always going to work, it’s not like
“Sorry I killed your dog.”
Stop saying sorry without a reason.
It’s like telling someone to point the gun at you, without pulling the trigger.