Why Do I Attract Toxic People?

I am sure I would not look good in prison stripes for that is surely where I am headed.

I need to stop, breathe deeply, just smile, and walk away from all the negativity around me.

Better still, look them straight in the eye and tell them it is time for the trash to remove itself.

I do not intend to be apologetic about the priorities in my life and peace is the topmost.

But toxic people have this wonderful ability to destroy your positivity and your self-esteem.

Do not let them take up space in your head and heart, raise the rent, and throw them out.

After all, it takes only one negative person to screw up your life. The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will be.

Recognizing Toxic People

We all know people who are exceedingly difficult to deal with, but how do we know when these difficult people cross the line and become toxic?

While toxicity is not a diagnosis, these sorts of people tend to make others feel bad about themself. These are the people around you who have no appreciation or good words for anyone.

If your friend is always finding flaws in the way you dress, the way you look, and just about everything that you do, if the praises are not easy to come by, then stay away.

Ask yourself, why the hell are you even calling this person your friend?

A meeting with a toxic friend will leave you wondering why were you even born, what is the purpose of your existence when you are good for absolutely nothing?

Just as the environment around us has toxins, similarly humans include people who constantly do toxic things and try to undermine others and their achievements. Recognizing and avoiding toxic people is an essential skill to learn as early in life as possible.

Recognize The Traits And Save Your Sanity!

The following are the behavioral signs of toxic people, look around you and you will be surprised how negative people destroy others.

Blaming

They will never admit their fault, never take the blame and you go back home feeling totally responsible for the mess.

They have this incredible ability to give elaborate explanations to prove why they should not be held responsible for any given issue.

Criticism

If this criticism is directed at you for long periods of time, it can have a terrible effect on your self-esteem.

The younger and more sensitive you are at the time of receiving this criticism, the more severe an impact it may have on your sense of self.

Toxic people will criticize others for nearly everything, the way they dress, the way they eat, their work, any and everything that can be criticized.

Negativity

Their cup of negativity never brims over, drowning others in tears of poor self-confidence. If you share your happiness with them, you will be met with cynicism and reproach.

If you are excited about the weight you have lost, after a strict workout regime, you will get to hear that it won’t last long, all that weight is bound to come back.

Toxic people are unable to enjoy anything in their lives, especially if it concerns others and their happiness.

Emotional Blackmail

Toxic people do not hesitate to pull on your heartstrings or use guilt against you if it means that you will comply with their requests.

Toxic people try to use guilt trips and emotional blackmail to get their needs met.

Why do I attract toxic people?

Do you ever wonder what is it in you that the entirely opposite negative people are the ones attracted to you?

Why is it that you end up with the biggest creep as your boyfriend? Does it make you think that there is something wrong with you?

You feel maybe you are giving off a certain vibe that invites the cynics towards you.

Relax! It is not you. You are your lovely chirpy positive self and it is this very trait within your personality that attracts the toxins to you.

Toxic people live in their dark dreary closed up the world, finding faults with everything under the sun.

They are deprived people, deprived of the positivity of life, deprived of love, and sincere appreciation. In their stuffy miserable existence, the glass is always empty.

When they see you with your happy sincere, “cup full to the brim” existence, they are attracted to you. Your sunny and cheery disposition comes like a breath of fresh air in their lives.

They like being with you but deep down they think you are foolish and naïve. Because, of course, life is full of those dark gloomy demons lurking in the shadows, ready to block out the sun.

There is nothing wrong with you, you just possess these wonderful traits in your personality that attract the toxins to you.

Your Positivity

Toxic people live in their dark world, with no light at the end of the tunnel, whatsoever.  Your bright positive light attracts them, and they find themselves getting close to you.

As you get to know them, you realize that, no matter how positive you may be, they remain sad and disillusioned deep inside. None of your positivity rubs off on them, in fact, they grudge you for being happy.

Toxic people will only have toxic relationships and they will have something sad and negative to say at all times. In the beginning, it does not really bother you, but you start to get frustrated and drained out.

If you continue being with them and let them be the way they are, toxic people can drain the positivity out of you.

It is your zest to life that attracted them to you, and it is the same zest they will end up destroying. They ultimately poison things they come in touch with.

Friends who are negative, impossible to please, terribly unhappy with themselves, and hell-bent on confrontation are not healthy people to spend time with.

There is a cost to be paid and guess who pays the price?

We cannot choose our family, but we can definitely choose our friends. So, avoid those who love having pity parties and love inviting you over to these pity parties.

Your Honesty

I do fib and exaggerate at times but deep down I am a pretty straight shooter. And this trait of honesty in me is what attracts the opposites.

Toxic people are dirty stinking liars and smooth talkers. Since you do not lie, you do not expect people to do too. You invariably take people for their face value and this is what the toxic leeches hang on to.

Toxic people are typically unhappy with themselves and therefore look to others for validation.

They know they can lie and get away with it. Of course, the blame is always on you. What they are actually doing is using your openness against you.

They are smooth gossip and information gatherers and use your information for their benefit.

Be more careful about who you open up to, the less they know about you the better it is. For toxic people, the honest ones are easier targets, to be manipulated.

Blessed with a sense of goodness, toxic people may be attracted to you solely for selfish reasons and this will leave you broken, used, and hurt.

If you have ever wondered why you attract the low of the lows, the good news is, it has nothing to do with your bad personality but quite the opposite. You are not at fault.

Your Compassion

You have a “bleeding heart”, empathy for every living breathing thing and that also includes these toxic beings.

This is exactly what they look for, a fool to listen to their “woe-is-me” stories and they thrive on it. They take advantage of your compassionate heart and feed on it, always coming back for more.

Toxic people love playing the victim and you will find yourself crying in your pillow many a night, hating your hard-hearted self for hurting the poor victim.

The entire world is against them and the poor souls are being victimized. Give negative individuals less power over your emotions, time, and happiness.

I have experienced this in my own life.  One of my character strengths is that I am extremely sincere and compassionate.  But when pushed to its limit, my sincerity and compassion can become people-pleasing.

I have realized that I sometimes quickly appease people who are pushy or rude just so they will like me.  By doing so, I inadvertently allow these people to enter my life and subject me to their toxic behavior.

I eventually learned to find my boundaries and say no, without losing myself in the process.

I became aware of how people may try to use my character strengths to their advantage.  This awareness has helped me ward off many toxic relationships.

You’re A Good Listener

It is hard to find good listeners nowadays.

Who has the time?

Technology gives us no time to listen to others and when we do find one, we want to hold on to this chance of getting heard.

Toxic people take it to the next level, though. They will talk to you for hours when they can get away with it.  They will ignore every, body language and verbal cue you throw at them.

They will share unsolicited, negative details about their life every time they see you.

And they are certainly not interested in what you have to say — because they are only interested in seeing and hearing things their way.

They are basically conversational bullies and love hearing their own voices. Their sad, gloomy tales are what interests them, and they expect the world to be interested too.

Toxic people are narcissists and their conversations are about themselves and how badly life has treated them. You end up feeling guilty for being happy, for seeing the sunrise as a start to a beautiful positive day.

Your Positive Perspectives

For most of us, our daily interactions with people at home, or work, confirms and affirms our assumptions that human beings are kind and decent.

Then we come across people who challenge these assumptions and make us think. We run into these people unsuspectingly and see the darker sides of human nature.

It forces me to think, have I been wrong in assuming that human beings are good? I have learned it the hard way, ever so many times.

You come across possessiveness, narcissism, greed, and deception and if you still hold on to friendships with such people, hoping and believing they will change, then you have a great tolerance for toxic people.

But have you realized what these friendships eventually do to you and your self-esteem?

You may find yourself enduring their negative and even abusive behavior.  And you actually may not realize that you are in a relationship with a toxic person until the situation becomes dire.

The positivity and goodness you bring to the world truly are precious gifts.

Protect these gifts from negative influences.  Invest yourself in people and circumstances that will magnify your efforts rather than diminish them.

Can a good person be toxic?

For sure they can be! Under certain circumstances, nice people can be toxic and unable to click with others.

You might not realize it in the beginning as they start out nice but over time, their toxic traits surface as they become close to you and become more comfortable with you. With them, you start to feel exhausted, emotionally drained, and negative and they will bring you down.

What is the most toxic personality trait?

Jealous people are incredibly toxic because they have so much self-hate that they cannot be happy for anyone around them. And typically, their jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism, or gossip. According to them, everyone else is awful, uncool, or lacking in some way.

Jealousy in a toxic person can rear its head in any relationship. It is a destructive emotion: it has the potential to suffocate and break down the trust between partners and friends.

How can I tell if my partner is toxic?

You will realize that your partner is toxic when you dread meeting them as it drains you out, emotionally. You feel angry, sad, depressed whenever you are around them, you are constantly trying to cover up for them. Always trying to fix their problems which never seem to end.

So much so that meeting them becomes an ordeal as you find all the positivity sucked out of you and the world seeming dark and frightful.

Are people born toxic and depressing?

You are born with particular personality traits that could be genetic. As you grow up, you imbibe from your environment and the people around you.

Circumstances also lead you to be negative and jealous. Things can be straightened out to a certain limit in childhood, but the core remains the same. You cannot do much to change these people as they believe they know best.

How do I stop attracting toxic friends?

Consistently set boundaries with anyone and everyone who exhibits a toxic behavior and try not to feed them with your energy. Keep a distance and do not be too open with your feelings and your stories.

Do not listen to their repetitive sad “poor me myself” stories. Do not encourage gossiping about others, they love pulling down others, so they feel good about themselves.

Conclusion

Even though your positive traits may inadvertently attract toxic people, do not let this stop you from being who you are.  Just be aware of this reality so you can spot danger when it arises and take positive, protective measures.

Also, consider that your positive gifts have the power to transform negativity.  Just as the light will dispel darkness, your light can be a shining example to those who mean well but do not realize their toxic tendencies.

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