In today’s date and age, it has been normalized for young people to freely engage in and be part of multiple interpersonal relationships over the course of their youth. This has led to an increase in births out of wedlock -which are not a problem as long as both the parents are adults and are in stable positions in life. However, teenage pregnancies present to be somewhat complicated, as one is still reliant on their own parents. In such a case, the most important and often, first step in tackling the issue is how you break the news to your parents.
A very pivotal part of telling your mom your girlfriend is pregnant is to stay calm and act mature throughout the whole procedure. Firstly, don’t just jump straight to breaking the news, know what to say -writing stuff down might help. Secondly, please choose the right time to say it, preferably when your mom is in a good mood and free. Break the news as properly as you can. You can also, beforehand, take advice from others you trust or ask them to accompany you. Be prepared for a negative reaction and no matter what it is, don’t make radical or emotional decisions. Lastly, ask your mom to assist and help you in the matter -she’s the best person to do so.
The most important part of this procedure is to stay calm. It’s very natural for you to freak out and want to run away, but denial is not going to solve your problem or make it go away.
So, it is essential for you keep your calm and try to come to terms with what has happened.
The best decision is to accept that both your girlfriend and you are somewhat responsible for what happened and if, both her and you want to keep the baby, to support her.
Remember: this isn’t the end of the world and you’ll be able to get through this predicament eventually.
Deciding to tell your mum (or either parent / parents) is a nerve wracking and highly difficult decision.
However, the actually procedure is going to be even harder, so the best thing you can do is to be prepared for anything.
It is only natural that her initial reaction will be negative, but you’re going to have to prepare yourselves for a worse case scenario -so you don’t get shocked and say or do something you regret.
Again, remember: No matter the initial reaction (or even behavior for somewhile), in most cases, she’s (they’re) bound to come around and support you -if not approve of your actions- eventually.
Know what to say:
There is no single or even, any, “right” way to tell your mum your girlfriend is pregnant. However, it is best you know exactly what to say beforehand -that is because if you don’t, it is very easy for you to get nervous and say something wrong.
Therefore, it is best you prepare a speech in your head or write something down before having the talk. This will make the procedure move along smoothly and without any awkwardness. Here are some guidelines on preparing your speech:
- Never, ever tell your mum that what you’re going to say is a bad thing. You might scare them beforehand, eliciting a more negative or excited reaction than if you hadn’t said anything.
- Make sure she knows beforehand that you have a girlfriend. It will make the explanation easier and obviously, way less awkward.
- Keep your emotions in check during the speech. Tell her that you understand that all this is very difficult for her, but it’s equally as difficult for you too. You need their support during this hard time.
- She will be asking you a lot of questions. Be prepared for any type and sort.
Remember: Make sure to tell her how sorry you are about this and choose the right words.
Timing is everything:
Timing in breaking this news will also contribute greatly towards how it is received. The news is a big shocker and maybe, obviously, quite hard to digest; therefore, you have to choose the perfect time to tell your mum about it. Here are some tips on just how to make sure your timing isn’t off:
- Don’t be dramatic and tell her when she relaxes so she can give all her attention to you.
- Don’t talk to her when she’s feeling tired or stressed. If she is working, then choose the weekend as the best time to talk about this.
- Pick the right time for you too, because you have to be mentally prepared to answer her many questions (which she surely will ask). Make sure to keep your emotions in check during the conversation.
- If you plan to talk about this together with your girlfriend, consider a suitable time for her as well.
- Wait for the best time but don’t wait for too long.
Remember: Don’t do any of this in a rush, but don’t delay breaking the news for an extended amount of time.
Take advice/help from others:
In some cases, where you really can not tell your parents directly or all of a sudden -for one reason or the other e.g., you are not on good terms with them- a good option may be taking advice from people you trust for example, a sibling or a grandparent.
- You can ask your grandparents or your siblings to break the news with you. But of course, you need to tell them first. They might accept the news more calmly, as opposed to your parents. They will be taken by shock at first, though.
- You’ll know that you are not alone in this situation. There are people who will be genuinely helping you and making this difficult situation less stressful. You’ll get someone to rely on and confide in.
- They might warn you about how bad the situation could be e.g., your mother could get very angry and end up not talking to you for some time, making you better prepared. At the end, at least you know that there are people who’ll still care about you, even if the procedure ends up going really bad.
Remember: No matter what, you’ll have to tell both your parents about this eventually. If you really don’t think you can do it, convince the person you ask for advice to do it on your behalf -but make sure to be present when this happens
Break the news:
So, here you are, at the point of no return. You’ve done every preparation you could to ensure the procedure goes smoothly, now you should just go ahead and get this over with it. Here are some tips to help you along the away:
- Relax and don’t be stressed. It only makes things more difficult.
- Don’t try and predict or assume how she would react because it’s just going to make you worried for no reason and it’s not going to change anything.
- Try to lighten up the mood before breaking the news e.g., crack some jokes etc. to make her as relaxed as possible.
- Take a deep breath and don’t stammer when you finally tell your mum that your girlfriend is pregnant. The magnitude of the issue requires firmness.
- Look her in the eyes while you talk to let her know about your sincerity.
- She might not show any reaction soon, as she is shocked herself.
Remember: Don’t chicken out, no matter how afraid you are -this is something you need to do.
In order for her to react positively or at least, not go off on you, you have to show your mum that you’re mature enough to know what has happened and to do something about.
Here are some ways you can do that:
- Tell her that you will take full responsibility for your actions and you realize that you are at fault for this.
- However, this is very difficult for you too, and as a child, you need her support.
- You understand the magnitude and consequences of what has happened and you’re willing to do something about it, tell your mother that you are ready to find a job, showing that you are really going to be responsible.
Remember: You may understand the magnitude of the issue at hand, however, that won’t matter to your parents until you show it to them.
After all, actions speak louder than words.
Ask for help from your mum:
Unfortunately, your predicament hasn’t ended with telling your mum, as you have to break the news to the rest of your family too. Fortunately, as you’ve told your mum, you will have her support in doing all of this. However, even if she hasn’t come around yet, you’ll still have to proceed with telling your father. Some points to remember:
- Ask help from your mother to tell your father.
- Accept it when your mother doesn’t want to help you. You have to take it how it is, right then, and just hope for the best. This whole matter is now your responsibility and unfair as it seems, it’s better to accept it.
- Be understanding to your mother since she must be really shocked upon hearing the news.
Don’t make any emotional decision:
One of the key points to make sure is of that no matter how much your mum reacts, for a lack of a better word, don’t let your emotions overtake you and make any careless decisions.
- Never make such radical decisions when your emotion is unstable.
- Your mother may suggest abortion, but you should not say yes to it right away. It’s very important for you and your girlfriend so don’t make any harsh decisions.
Since it is already mentioned above that you need to be prepared for anything, you need to do just that. It means no matter what your mum says you need to keep your inhibitions and never make a circumstantial decision, without consulting your girlfriend, as you’re both together in this.
How to prevent any of this in the future:
Now that you’ve been through this excruciating procedure, you probably never want to do it again. So, how exactly do you prevent this from happening in the future?
When used correctly, male condoms are more than 80 percent effective against pregnancy, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Condoms are available over-the-counter (OTC), without a prescription, from supermarkets, drugstores, or online. Latex-free condoms are also available to buy online.
Female condoms are also available without a prescription. They can be used instead of a male condom, but should never be used with one. According to the CDC, female condoms are about 79 percent effective for contraception. Many drugstores now sell female condoms, but if local stores do not stock them, they are available online.
- Birth control pills:
Birth control pills are one of the most commonly used methods of contraception in the U.S. There are various brands of pills available, and according to the National Health Service (NHS) in the UK, they are over 99 percent effective if taken as prescribed.
However, with typical use, they are approximately 95 percent effective.
There are two forms of the pill:
- The combined pill, which contains estrogen and progestin: These should be taken daily, as per the instructions. The pill pack often contains some pills that are free of hormones. When taking these pills, a person will have a monthly period.
- The mini-pill, which contains only progestin: A person must take this pill at the same time every day without a break. Someone taking the mini-pill will not necessarily have a scheduled period.
So, there you have it: how exactly to tell your mum your girlfriend is pregnant. It’s definitely never easy, however, there are ways to make it a little less difficult and we put them all down here for you.
In any case, make sure to stay calm and own up to your actions. Remember: Prevention is always, always better than cure.