People often seem to get assertiveness and aggression confused. In reality, there is a lot of difference between being an assertive person and just being angry. An aggressive person believes that they are entitled to take whatever they want.
They do not have any regard for the feelings of others and sometimes create resentment in others.
I am fairly certain that almost every one of us has met someone with an assertive personality somewhere in life.
So, what does having an assertive personality mean?
Having an assertive personality means that you are aware of your own boundaries as well as the boundaries of other people.
A person with an assertive personality respects himself and others. This kind of behavior helps in building up strong relationships with others.
A person with this personality will make you feel heard and will try to understand your perspective even when they do not agree with it. This is also common with people with lone wolf personality.
In this blog post, we have combined all the characteristics of an assertive personality which are quite similar to a controlling personality as well.
We hope that you get to learn something from it.
Common Characteristics of an Assertive Personality
People are not usually born with an assertive personality. They develop these traits over time. They work to change the way they behave and act in order to be more constructive in life. Assertive people have a tendency to relate to others in an uplifting manner. These people have an attitude that leads to having a balance between the rights of others and the responsibilities we have towards each other.
The following are some of the main characteristics of people with an assertive personality.
Being confident in what you are doing and in your choices is one of the main characteristics of an assertive person.
Assertive people are aware of their own boundaries, their likes, and their dislikes.
They stand up for themselves and defend others whenever there is a violation of someone’s rights in front of them.
They do not shy away from saying what needs to be said. It is much easier to theorize about it than implement it in our daily lives.
Assertive people are capable of tolerating the rejection and they can easily accept things as they are.
They do not tend to act against their own conscience. Their personalities are designed in such a way that they do not do anything just to please other people, they are not seeking validation from others in every aspect of their life.
Everyone likes appreciation for the good things they do but solely depending on the acceptance of other people can really mess up with your emotional independence.
Similarly, assertive people like to be appreciated but they are fine if they do not get any.
When it comes to being a good listener, many of us can claim to be one.
But is this really true?
Normally when we are listening to someone else, we are waiting for our turn to speak and this generally takes our attention away from what is actually being said and that is why everybody complains about miscommunication these days.
Assertive people have this excellent characteristic that they are really good listeners.
They let others explain their side of the story and will try to reflect and understand their perspective.
They are not waiting for their turn to speak, they are trying to get to the root cause of why someone is acting a certain way.
People often want to feel like they are understood.
Other Traits of Assertive Personality
Sometimes compromise is very difficult. Because it means that you might have to give up what you want and have to accept what someone else wants.
This might be one of the most difficult traits to master.
Not everyone is good at compromising when it comes to giving up their need and desires. Assertive people have a tendency of problem-solving and compromising.
They understand that not everyone gets what they want when they are engaged in a situation that requires compromise but sometimes you have to take one for the team and give up what you want so some needs are met for everyone.
They look forward to providing a solution for all the parties involved rather than just addressing their own personal needs.
- They know what respect really means
Assertive people have the capacity to value things and people and treat them with consideration.
This is what respect really means. Assertive people respect themselves as well as everyone around them.
If there is any disagreement or conflict, assertive people will deal it with respect.
Whenever there is a difference of opinion, assertive people do not degrade or insult others for their opinion even though assertive people are known to be very confident in their own ideas and opinions.
When assertive people are indulged in an argument it is always a constructive argument as everybody’s opinions are heard and respected.
Assertive people have the capacity to relate with others sincerely.
They have a strong belief that relationships cannot be constructed with lies and hypocrisy. They do not hide their true selves whenever they are in a relationship or even in friendships.
They try to avoid people with negative attitudes and they choose their friends very carefully.
Assertive people do not believe in forced friendships and relationships.
If they feel like they do not have a connection with someone, they will not try to force it.
They have their strong beliefs and they do not get motivated by benefits when it comes to relations with others.
Whenever they are with someone, they make sure to make that person feel loved and respected.
They will take care of their people and will try to make their lives easier by trying to solve their issues and help them whenever needed.
It is not that assertive people do not feel anger or pain.
They feel all these feelings but over the years they have dealt with them and learned that there are healthier ways to let their emotions out and they are in perfect control of themselves.
They know that if they lose control, the powerful negative feelings can lead to the toxic expressions of emotions. (Don’t miss out on our compilation of toxic people quotes here btw.)
They are not born with self-control neither they are blessed with something extraordinary that helps them do it. They have mastered this trait over the years.
They do not make others the subject of their own insecurities instead they deal with everything in a healthy way.
Assertive empathize with the emotions of others and help other people to stay calm and in control.
They do not feed the flame or manipulate people or point out their weaknesses.
They do not indulge in blame games or make others feel degraded. They validate other people’s feelings.
Assertive people tend to feel for others even when they are unfamiliar with what the other person is going through.
They try to help and understand people in any way they can.
- Draw boundaries and limits
Sometimes in life we come across toxic people and we are unable to develop a good relationship with them.
There are people around us who have really toxic tendencies and they do not acknowledge that there are certain limits and boundaries to everything.
In such cases, we have to step forward and speak for ourselves and remind people of certain boundaries.
It is easier to talk about and not everyone is able to draw boundaries because they cannot stand up for themselves.
One of the best qualities of an assertive person is that they know how and where to draw limits and set some boundaries.
They understand that some situations demand clear lines be drawn. (Common characteristic to the reserved personality people)
They also believe that it is quite difficult to always live up to the expectations and desires of others.
They know when to say ‘no’ without creating any conflict. You are not always obligated to meet the demand of others and you have to make this determination based on fairness.
- Good Communication Abilities
A lot of problems take place just because of miscommunication.
Similarly, a number of problems can be solved with good communication.
When necessary communication tools are not practiced, sharing your opinions might create problems between people.
Assertive people are well aware that to develop mutual understanding, honesty and true intentions are required.
They have good communication abilities as they try to solve problems with the help of mutual communication.
It is necessary to understand the perspective of the other person and try to look at things from his side.
Having good communication abilities strengthens your relationships with others and help you in your professional lives as well.
Self-knowledge and reflection play a vital role in developing these communication abilities.
It enables you to express whatever you are feeling in a truthful and honest way. Assertive people are willing to improve the way they communicate because they understand the value of communication.
- Speaking up for yourself
Assertive people do not let others take advantage of themselves.
If they notice or feel that their rights are being violated they do not shy away from demanding their rights.
They demanded to be treated with fairness and respect. They have a habit of speaking up for themselves without creating any unnecessary drama or conflict.
This is one of the best qualities of an assertive person, I think every one of us should develop this habit.
We cannot always expect others to validate or be considerate of our feelings and rights. Sometimes we have to get up and demand what is rightfully ours.
- They accept and value themselves
Assertive people have self-confidence.
Their self-confidence is not a product of pride and superiority.
They understand themselves and they feel confident in being who they are.
They self-evaluate and observe their behaviors and are willing to invest in it to make it better.
They are well aware of their strengths and accept their weaknesses.
They accept the responsibility for their faults.
Assertive people are humble and understand that we are humans and no one is perfect.
They work every day to make themselves better.
Assertive people know their worth and they do not tolerate disrespect.
And they actually know that confidence is the key to success.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Does being assertive help with your mental health?
Yes, it certainly does.
It is said that assertive people experience less anxiety because they are freely able to express their opinion and needs.
There are fewer opportunities for frustrations to develop and cause anxiety.
Overall it improves your mental health.
- What are the risks of being assertive?
Some people may view assertive behavior as rude or offensive. Research suggests that gender can have a bearing on how assertive behavior is perceived. Men are more likely to be rewarded for assertive behavior than women.
- What are some dangers of not asserting yourself?
People who do not have an assertive behavior may experience sensitivity to criticism insecurity, anxiety, and low self-esteem. They might be treated like emotional doormats.
As mentioned earlier, no one is born with these qualities. Assertiveness is a very difficult trait to master but with time and practice it does get easier.
Always remember that your needs are just as valuable as the needs of people around you.
While mastering these qualities, you might lose some people along the way but trust me it will all be worth it in the end.
You might discover that some people were really toxic to your wellbeing.
The more assertive you become, you will notice that you are being surrounded by new individuals who value and respect the person you are becoming.