What to do when a man pulls away in a long distance relationship?

Relationships can be a beautiful aspect of one’s life. Every human craves love, attention, and care. Those needs are met in an affectionate and secure relationship. The ambience of tenderness and warmth one feels is unparalleled to any other emotion ever felt before. In the current day and age, texting has largely overtaken physical meetings.

Nowadays, it is really comfortable to express yourself to the other person without having a need of getting together.

With communication being convenient to such a level, the advent of long distance relationships was nothing but inevitable.

The distance becomes irrelevant when the feelings are so strong. However, most long distance relationships end up a failure due to various reasons.

In case your boyfriend has decided to take a step back in the relationship, panicking will only make matters worse for the both of you. It is best for you to do the same and relax by focusing on your hobbies rather than your troubled relationship. Take your time and give him the space he needs. Do not get desperate and try to force him back into your life. It is time for you to realize your self-worth, so don’t compromise on your self-esteem. If he contacts you, have an honest conversation and try to come to a mutual understanding.

Any set of unfavorable circumstances can prove extremely detrimental to the long distance relationship. A few or several adverse events may lead your boyfriend to think that your relationship is heading towards an inevitable failure.

This might cause him to pull away in a long distance relationship, leaving you in a miserable predicament. Here are things you must do to deal with such a situation.

Calm yourself down

Girl getting text outside with earbuds

Taking further stress in such a state is not going to help you in any way.

Instead, try to take your mind off the agonizing situation you are facing.

Read something fun or watch a movie that is going to uplift your mood.

There is no need to blame yourself for the collapse of your relationship since he is the one who decided to throw in the towel.

And that too, so quickly. Sacrificing your mental peace over such a state of affairs is not worth it in the first place.

Keep yourself busy with the work and do not let this plight mess up your daily routine. After a while, things will start coming together as time does its magic.

Give him the time and space he needs

Man using phone on ground with earbuds

After relaxing yourself, the second best you can do is to allow himself to do the same.

Give him time to ponder over the relationship. Empathize with him.

It might be some unforeseen ambiguities and dilemmas regarding your relationship that made him reconsider his decision. Give him the due time and space he needs.

There is no point in rushing things.

Haste in this case, is sure to make waste.

Healing is a time consuming, organic process that can’t be fast forwarded.

Let the tranquility prevail in both of your lives before thinking about taking the next step.

Resist the urge to contact

Women ignoring text messages

All of this patience will go to waste if you can’t restrain yourself from flooding his inbox with your messages.

Do not make the first move. Instead, let him approach you, no matter how long it takes, if he feels the same way about the relationship as you do, he will surely come back and apologize.

Expressing your concerns is alright if it is not that frequent. At least he knows you have not dismissed him.

But try your best not to sound desperate or get reckless getting in a frenzy.

Analyze the reasons of your break-up

No Contact rule on phone

With you now at a mentally stable state, thinking rationally and avoiding impulsive decisions is much easier.

It is much more effective for you to look for the reasons for your failure rather than leaving everything on his shoulders to figure out. Put yourself in his shoes and realize the challenges and the pressure that he might have faced.

You can play your part and reflect upon your perceptions as well.

Something ordinary for you might be too big of a deal for him. Acknowledge the fact that distance plays a critical role in your relationship with regards to the differences between the standards of the partners being considerably large.

Culture, values, and ethics changes every few hundred thousand kilometers. Accept the innate contrast between you two due to the nature of your relationship.

Get inventive

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An empty room is an opportunity, so is the case with a long distance relationship. While he is struggling with himself to make up his mind, you should spend your time understanding the pros and cons of long distance relationships.

Fix whatever you think is broken and overcome your shortcomings.

Get creative and busy. Couples separated by distance often try out different things to compensate for the lack of closeness and maintain deep interest in a relationship.

Adapt to the situation at hand and innovate solutions to overcome any adversity that you might face in the near future.

Look for some couple goals to make your relationship diverse and interesting.

By the time he comes back, you will have a complete bag of tricks to surprise him whenever you want to and create a desire in him to get even closer to you.

Communicate effectively

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When a conversation finally initiates between you two, you must make full use of this opportunity.

Be constructive and sincere in your arguments instead of throwing a temper tantrum. It is important for you to have a productive discussion.

Present your case and do not ignore his point of view. Value his input and let him feel what you have been through emotionally and mentally, after he pulled away from the relationship.

On the other hand, you must be willing to own up to your shortcomings and admit your mistakes.

Set tangible plans for the future. With a lot of hope and a tinge of regret, keep the conversation rolling.

Be honest to yourself

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It is true that not many long distance relationships make it through. If you get caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, be honest to yourself about it.

Similarly, if your partner is asking you to sacrifice or compromise a lot more than you can offer, you should be able to make the call to quit the relationship.

Likewise, if you think his feelings have faded and that this patchup is just delaying the inevitable break up, abandon the relationship before it hurts you even more.

Take an honest look at yourself, disregarding any assumptions or speculations that are not backed by any evidence you have seen for yourself.

Don’t try to force a result

The pain and sacrifices amount to nothing once it is obvious to you that your relationship is never going to work. As previously mentioned, you must call spade a spade and accept the reality of the situation instead of compromising your mental peace in fighting it.

Any further efforts will not prove productive.

Save yourself from the hard work of still trying to make things work somehow. Learn to let go when you know that it is truly over or when there is no hope or possibility left for reconciliation.

If you still keep trying, you will only be adding to your despair. Accept the truth for what it is and recognize the stage when your long distance relationship is beyond saving.

Forcing a result of your liking will only aggravate him and make things unpleasant for the both of you, as well eliminating any possibility of future contact.

There are several reasons for a guy pulling away in a long distance relationship.

Perhaps the most obvious case is the one where there was major difference between your commitment levels without both of you even realizing. Most long distance relationships are kept casual since they are not likely to last long.

If he was nonchalant and relaxed throughout, it probably means he was not looking at you as his permanent partner.

There is no deep emotional connection to be felt once the temporary premise for the relationship has been set.

The other cause that can lead him to pull away from the relationship is a change of priorities over the course of time.

Long distance relationships require a lot of time that can be difficult for a lot of people to maintain for long.

A change in priorities is nothing but unavoidable. When distance is too great, the feelings begin to fade eventually and the commitment starts to fluctuate.

After a certain point in a long distance relationship, one of the partners ends up quitting because of how futile this connection becomes over time.

For a man, the reason he breaks away in such cases is to gain his independence back and live his life freely, without carrying the weight of a hollow and impractical relationship.

How do you know if your boyfriend is starting to pull away from the relationship?

The signs are pretty obvious. With the passage of time, it becomes apparent that his interest in you is only decreasing day by day, as well as the fact that he is not giving the relationship its due time and effort.

You are no longer his top priority and he chooses to spend his free time alone, instead of sharing it with you.

He tries to duck and avoid any straightforward and honest conversation you try to have with him. He gets comfortable in delaying things.

Sooner or later, your partner starts dropping hints that he wants to end this relationship. At this point, you are no longer a part of his long term plans anymore.

He starts to resist sharing his personal information with you and makes excuses about how your relationship cannot work.

He is always focused on the negative aspects of the relationship and complains about how demanding it has become for him instead of acknowledging how much love and care he has received from you.


Men often think twice before making any serious commitment. At such a stage, they are most vulnerable to doubts and apprehensions, making them the most liable to pull away.

As unfortunate as it may be for you, you can’t make the same mistake by taking such impetuous and spontaneous decisions.

It is best for you to give both of yourselves a break before making up your mind about what to do next.

Accept the reality of the situation and come up with a tangible plan to make your relationship work.

If you do not see a way through, it is best to quit as soon as possible.

Postponing the inevitable failure of your relationship will have much worse and lasting consequences for you, both emotionally and mentally.