Why Does My Ex Keep Contacting Me When He Dumped me?

You’d think that after a breakup, your ex would have the decency to let you get over it in peace, but nope! For some reason, he can’t stop contacting you, which can be really annoying if he broke up with you.

On one hand, you’re trying your best to get over him, but on the other, he keeps reaching out and puts a serious dent in the whole process for you. And you wonder, why in the world would he keep calling and texting after he dumped you?

Well, he might be doing this because he wants you back, or he isn’t over the breakup yet or he’s simply used to talking to you.

At times, he might just miss the attention he got from you and not even want to get back together.

Before deciding whether to respond to him or not, it’s crucial to figure out his intentions behind contacting you so you only end up doing what’s best for you!

Reasons why your ex is contacting you after dumping you

“Was breaking up the right thing to do?”

Sometimes, people break up with their partners on a whim. When things go wrong, their emotions can be pretty overwhelming and prevent them from properly processing everything and thinking it through.

It’s possible that when you broke up, your ex hadn’t processed all of his emotions and is getting in touch with you now because he’s thinking about it in detail.

He’s probably confused about his feelings and can’t figure out whether breaking up with you was the right thing to do or not because there are moments when he misses you along with the good parts of the relationship.

When he reaches out, he might not even have an end goal to get together in mind, but he just wants to get in touch with you to see the dynamic between the two of you.

This will help him figure out whether he made the right call by breaking up with you or not.

“I know we broke up… but I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Your ex might also contact you after a breakup to try and get back together with you, which usually happens when he realizes that breaking up with you, was a mistake.

In this case, the texts go along the lines of “I miss you” or “I can’t stop thinking about you” or a similar reminiscent of your times together.

It could be that a new relationship didn’t work out work him. Or it’s possible that he didn’t want to bother looking for someone else because he missed you too much.

At the end of the day, he realized that life was better with you in it and is getting back in touch with you in hopes of winning you back.

“You made me feel so special.”

If your ex is sending you such texts and talking about how much you valued him, he probably feels lonely and misses the attention you gave him.

After a breakup, you will have an easier time moving on if you have friends and family to support you and help you through it.

However, if you don’t have that, you’re naturally going to miss the person who did give you the time and attention of their day.

Talking to you made your ex feel special. He probably thought he was the center of your world, and if no one else makes him feel like that, he will miss what he had with you.

“What happened between us?”

When you don’t consider all the possibilities of fixing a relationship, it leads to a messy and troublesome breakup that usually leaves a lot of things unsaid!

Girl getting text outside with earbuds

In the few days after the breakup, your ex might have a hard time moving on because he has many unanswered questions.

At such times, the need for closure to clear out any misunderstandings and fully move on seems very important to him but he’s not going to want to get back together.

If this is the case, his texts probably sound a little something like, “Hey, can we just talk about what happened between us” or “I just want to figure out what went wrong.”

“Can we still be friends?”

Compare Your Boyfriend

“I know I broke up with you, but do you think we could remain friends?”

Along with a partner, after the breakup, your ex might have also lost one of his best friends and might be having a hard time coping with that.

It’s possible that even though he broke up with you because romantic relations were complicating the situation; he still wants to hold onto your friendship.

By getting in touch with you, he wants to figure out the dynamic between you to determine whether you can talk without it being awkward.

Talking to you is a norm

Your ex might only be talking to you because he’s used to talking to you and doesn’t know how to let go of that habit just yet.

When you’re in a relationship with someone, you spend the better part of your days (and nights) talking to that person.

They become the person you share all exciting news with, reach out to when you feel low, and also the person you check up on the most throughout the day.

Inevitably, when you break up, it can be hard to let go of that, especially when you have nothing else to do!

When your ex contacts you out of habit, he probably isn’t looking to get back together with you, but he might want to maintain a friendship.

However, if this is the case, he will probably grow out of it and stop, depending on how you respond.

You’re moving on, and he isn’t

If you are doing well after the breakup and having an easier time moving on than your ex, chances are, a part of him might feel jealous or possessive and want to reach out.

Compliment someone else in front of him

When you’re focusing on yourself and doing well, he might reach out because he wants to get to know this newer version of you.

If you’re in a new relationship, he’s probably not used to the idea of seeing you with someone else.

However, keep in mind that your ex is probably only getting in touch with you in most of these cases because he feels like he’s losing you for good.

Most of the time when people do this, they simply want to hold on to you to keep you around as an option; one that they might come back to one day if they want to.

In case the relationship was toxic for you, know that even if he claims to want you back, it is probably out of spite because you are okay without him.

You’re still available

There might be times when your ex starts texting you after a breakup, simply because he can!

If you haven’t blocked him, then he still has the means to contact you whenever he wants.

And if you reply ASAP to all his texts, and every time he calls, you pick up, you are giving him the attention he wants.

Even if you aren’t giving him any solid responses, the fact that you’re even responding in the first place gives him something to go off of and makes him feel like he can keep doing this.

What to do when your ex keeps contacting you after breaking up with you?

Ask Someone Who You Do Know

When your ex keeps texting you after being the one to dump you, it’s natural to be confused about whether to respond or not; and if yes, then how?

To answer this, you have to ask yourself whether you want to get back together with him, or just remain friends, or cut him out of your life completely.

But before you can answer that question, you need to give yourself some time and try the no-contact rule with your ex.

Try the no-contact rule.

Instead of deciding immediately, even if you want to get back together with your ex, the best option is to apply the no-contact rule for a certain period, such as 30 days.

This might not be very effective if you work/study together or have many mutual friends.

The no-contact rule states that you and your ex will not be in any sort of contact with each other for the given time frame, giving you both the opportunity to reflect and figure out where you stand in the relationship.

It will give you a chance to look at your life without your partner and figure out if they add any value to your life or only hold you back from being who you want to be and living the life you want to live.

Keep in mind that while the no contact rule is recommended after most breakups, it’s especially helpful if you still want to get back together with your ex after the breakup because it will give you the time and space to determine what you really want.

Focus on the way he communicates with you

If you decide to respond, focus on the way your ex is communicating with you.

If your ex is only interested in carrying out a few meaningless conversations, not interested in meeting up with you, or discussing any of your past issues, then he does not want you back!

Despite how tempting it might be to keep trying, keep in mind that the relationship did not work out because something was wrong.

And until you figure out what was wrong the first time around and fix it, you cannot make another relationship with the same person work.

This can be anything from someone’s lack of ability to commit, a lack of emotional availability, physical distance, or fundamental differences in your viewpoints and what you want from life.

If your ex doesn’t seem interested in fixing them, let him go.

Take a look at how you feel after he reaches out

You also have to look at your body’s reaction to him reaching out. Do you feel anxious that he is reaching out? Is it disturbing your peace? Do you feel like you are happier without him?

Shopping is as essential as oxygen to her

If the answer to those questions is yes, then you know for sure that he is NOT worth responding to!

At times, even when our hearts really want something, our body is better at figuring out whether it’s actually good for us or not! You owe it to yourself to trust it.

Apart from that, regardless of how close you were with him, you do not owe him anything, especially not at the cost of your own mental and physical health.

Decide- Should you respond to your ex who dumped you or not?

Now, after you’ve given yourself time to look at the situation from outside the box for a minute, you can go ahead and decide for sure whether you want to respond to your ex or not.

You can choose to ignore him, or you can respond if you think that there’s a possibility of you getting back together.

When you respond, make sure that you are not doing it 24/7 and aren’t talking to him as you would be in a relationship.

He does not get to be in a relationship with you without fully committing to you!

If you don’t want to get back together with your ex or if he is only texting you JUST as you are moving on with your life and doing better, it is better not to respond to him.

However, if you don’t want him back in your life, but he still keeps contacting you relentlessly, simply send him a text saying that if he respects you and your need for space, to stop texting you for the time being, as this is what you need right now.

Final thoughts

Your ex might be reaching out because he wants you back for good, or because he momentarily misses you and just wants to talk.

Regardless of what it is, never respond immediately! (Unless, of course, it’s an emergency)

Give yourself, and your ex, the time you both need to figure out what you really want by spending some time apart; and then take action according to what you see fit.