Finding out that your significant other is conversing with another girl is surely to hit you like a truck. And feeling hurt, betrayed, jealous, insecure, and even infuriated is quite natural after the dawn of such unpleasant details about your husband.
The fact that your husband is talking to another girl can rightfully make you feel like he has compromised the sanctity of your marriage. You might find yourself unable to think clearly, and might have no idea how to handle the situation.
Get a hold of yourself.
When faced with such a situation neither shove it under the rug or turn a blind eye to it, thinking that the problem will solve itself, nor act impulsively.
It is a testing time for you as a wife. And undoubtedly a sensitive yet, decisive point for your marriage as well. Devise a plan in your head and go by it.
There are some definitive do’s and don’ts when it comes to dealing with such trying circumstances that can help get to the bottom of the situation in the best possible way.
Here’s What You Can Do:
Investigate the nature of the interaction your husband is having with another girl. Be clever and discreet about it. Do not let him suspect anything too early or else you might risk sabotaging your investigation.
Find out the kind of conversation your husband is engaged in with the other girl. Beware of the tone and frequency of their interactions. You should be alarmed if it is too informal, sounding almost flirtatious, or too frequent.
Keep an Eye on Him
If you are suspicious of your husband’s involvement with another girl, then be aware of his activities. Keep a track of his physical movements as well as his social media interactions. As sneaky as it may feel, check his phone for any inappropriate text messages or pictures. Also, keep an eye on his emails if you can get access to those.
Keep a Gauge on Your Emotions
So, you have found out that your husband is getting cozy with another girl over text messages or otherwise. Being a married woman, you’re shattered, and you want to give your husband a piece of your mind. And you rightfully can do so as well.
Collect yourself and affirm that you can manage as inconvenient a situation like this too. By not letting your emotions get the best of you, you will have greater control over the entire situation.
Try and maintain a cool head over your shoulders and look at things rationally and logically. What your husband did has been done. What you need to focus on now is what you are going to do. And letting your emotions control you is not going to help you regarding this.
Keep Tabs on His Circle
Make it a point to be aware of the people in your husband’s circle. This should ideally be done during your dating period before you marry him. This way you will already be informed of his close friends and work associates beforehand.
While it is not always possible to control who your husband interacts with, you can put your guard up if you notice him interacting out of his circle of friends and colleagues a little too often.
Give Yourself Time
Whether you are doubtful of your husband’s interaction with another girl or sure of it, always prioritize yourself above everything else.
Give yourself ample time to register the fact that your husband might or might not have broken your trust and infringed the purity of your marriage.
Give yourself a break from overloading yourself with emotional trauma. You never know all the emotional wreckage might not even be worth it if your doubts turn out to be just a misunderstanding in the end.
Voice Your Concerns
Talk to your husband if you find out disturbing details about his interaction with another girl. Express how you feel about it. Let him know that you find it inappropriate and disrespectful to your marriage. Ask him to clarify any misunderstanding that you might be having regarding his interaction with the other girl.
Demand the truth from him. Be strong enough to handle whatever he tells you no matter how unpleasant it might be. Confront him only if and when you have credible and ample evidence to prove your point.
Listen To His Side of the Story
No matter how intolerable the situation seems to be in your head, do give your husband a chance to clarify himself. Listening to his part might prove to be helpful in several ways.
For example, he may confess to talking to another girl, but he might not be at fault. Probably, your husband might just be snubbing another woman’s advances on him. Or it might also be the case that the poor guy is completely unaware of the suspicions brewing up in your mind. And by listening to him you both can resolve your otherwise unspoken conflicts.
Fix Your Marriage
The credit for a happy married life goes to both the husband and the wife. No single partner is responsible for cultivating a healthy relationship. Being a wife, you are equally responsible for contributing towards your marriage as your husband is. You cannot fall short of your responsibilities and expect your partner to fulfill theirs.
Marriage requires constant effort by two people to make it work. If you feel that your husband is drifting away from you and the spark in your relationship has dimmed. Or even if things are as bad as him cheating on you. You should still make the effort to fix your marriage if you think you guys can still make it.
If fixing things is out of your control, consider taking a third party on board. Go for marriage counseling or therapy. Hearing about your situation from a neutral perspective might change your outlook on things. Better yet, the marriage counselor can pop suggestions that neither you nor your partner could have proposed.
If you think what you and your husband have together is worth it, marriage counseling must be given a shot.
Give Him a Second Chance
Sometimes all it takes is another chance. Many beautiful things can be conserved if given an additional opportunity.
While your husband might have been in the wrong by talking to another girl behind your back but he deserves a second chance if he feels bad for hurting you. If he shows a genuine willingness for making it up to you for his mistake then be open-hearted and respect him for owning up to his slip and give him another shot wholeheartedly.
Avoid These Things:
Do Not Jump To Conclusions
In situations like these, it is vital to not make assumptions about your partner. Ensure that you are in the clear before concluding. Do not make hasty decisions based on wild assumptions only. Your husband’s interaction with the other girl might come out to be completely benign.
Therefore, it is always a good idea to get your facts straight before you pass a judgment on your husband or the girl that you think he might be involved with.
Do Not Hurl Accusations
Avoid bombarding your husband with empty allegations. Do not accuse him without first being completely sure about your doubts. You do not want to first fly off the handle accusing him and apologize later if your doubts turn out to be a mere misunderstanding.
Save yourself from the embarrassment and the idea that you don’t trust your companion.
Do Not Bash Him Publicly
Under no circumstances should you wash your dirty laundry in public. Your suspicions might turn out to be baseless in the end. And you may find yourself forgiving your husband and moving on with life. But, the allegations you throw at him might not be very easily forgotten by your friends and family.
Bashing him for his actions on public platforms or in the presence of your mutual circle can cause your husband’s image to be tarnished for a long time to come, even if he turns out to be innocent in the end.
Do Not Project Your Issues on Him
Be very careful that you don’t lash out at your husband because of the issues you’re battling with within yourself.
Very likely, you might be struggling with issues like low self-esteem, a bad self-image, or feelings of insecurity. This can be due to a bad experience with a relationship in the past.
Make sure you do not come out on your husband based on these feelings when you know that whatever he is involved in is either not inappropriate or is something that cannot be avoided. Don’t let these negative feelings be an excuse for lashing out at your husband and accusing him of something he never did.
Do Not Blame Yourself
Never charge yourself with something that you are not responsible for. If your husband went behind your back and got into inappropriate involvement with another girl, it’s his fault, not yours. Get that in your head and be firm about it. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Don’t feed yourself negative self-talk at this point. Don’t feel less about yourself in any way. Your husband made a choice, and there is nothing you could have done to avert him from it. And you are not to blame for something he did.
Finding out your husband’s involvement with another girl can undoubtedly be a very bumpy stage in your married life. One that can leave you broken and rattled. Feeling jealous or uncomfortable in such circumstances is completely vindicated. Such matters should be dealt with extreme care and control for it is your marriage that is at stake.
Understand and weigh the context of your husband’s interaction with the other girl. If your gut feeling about it is innocent, then chances are that it probably is. Also, assess your spouse’s behavior towards you after you suspect another girl’s involvement in his life. If he is treating you with affection and the respect you deserve as his wife then it is best to not work yourself up over it.
Alternatively, if you have found out for a fact that your husband has indeed crossed a line and has forsaken the bond of your marriage. If you’re sure that he has been involved in marital infidelity then it’s time you make a decision. Either stand up for your marriage against all odds and reclaim what is meant to be yours or step away from a bond that you think can no longer bring you peace and happiness.
Whether you decide to stay in your marriage or leave, remember to stand by your decision. Make a decision that you will not regret!