Let us get this straight. Relationships are one of the trickiest parts of the whole adjusting ordeal. It seems impossible to remain unaffected by them because everything they do or say seems too important to be ignored when you are new in a relationship. And while the butterflies in your stomach flutter about wildly, they surely calm down when things start to unravel towards reality.
One of the signs of things getting real is that both of you have fights. And that’s okay. A part of the comfort zone your relationship has entered or has been in is expressing your anger. But the anger doesn’t necessarily have to be about you. It could be your girlfriend having a hard time with… life, mood swings, mental health, or work. Or… it could be you, unintentionally or intentionally not making her feel heard, understood, or safe.
If you care enough to be here, getting further on with the article might help you more.
When it is not about you:
This might not sound right. Why would your girlfriend be mad at you if it is not about you? But that is what happens in relationships at times. A person who is stressed out might project it onto someone he/ she feels at home with.
She may be overworked
We are living through stressful times where we are expected to be up to mark for everything. Work, personal life, family relationships, career, looks, you name it.
So, if on a fine Sunday morning you realise that your girl has transformed into Mr. Grumps you need not to fret. Sometimes at the office gets tough, one tends to release the frustration built up from work at home.
If you suspect such a situation, sit down, talk to your girlfriend, give her a hug, let her know that you’re proud of her and that she is strong enough to fight whatever is bothering her.
If she’s feeling extra frustrated, whip up a nice meal for her and watch her anger melt down.
Her self esteem needs a boost
Too often, our inner dialogues seem to get extremely self-depreciative without us even noticing. Because of the contempt we build inside ourselves, it tends to come out in harsh ways. If you think your girlfriend is going through something like that, you need to love her a bit more and make her realize that she is worthy just the way she is.
It is normal to feel bad about yourself sometimes, but you as a partner need to master the skill of bringing your girl’s confidence back up to the surface!
She is tired of… patriarchy
Casual sexism is surely casual enough to be present everywhere around us, in the name of ‘just a joke’ or ‘culture’.
More than often,women have to deal with men objectifying their bodies or undermining their work based on their gender every day. It can make them tired and even make them question their life choices. The inner conflict may show itself as an anger outburst.
Undoubtedly, sometimes this anger will be channelled right towards you, so you need to remind her of the strong and fierce woman that she is.
She needs the help of a mental health professional
Mental health issues are extremely prevalent nowadays. If you have been trying for a while but do not seem to understand what always keeps your girlfriend angry, there could be a possibility her brain is having a hard time recognizing how to react.
- She could have anger management issues that can be easily controlled through therapy.
- Aggression is one of the main symptoms of depression and anxiety.
- Uncontrolled aggression could even point towards something serious like a borderline personality disorder.
If you feel like she needs help, sit down and ask her about what’s bothering her and of you get a similar signal in return, only then introduce the idea of therapy to avoid any offence.
Pre/Post Menstrual Syndrome
While PMS is something that’s negatively used against women very frequently, we cannot deny that sometimes the upcoming arrival of Aunt Flow is what’s bothering your girl.
Around this time of the month, a woman’s body is under hormonal changes that may lead to some changes, one of which is mood swings. Now multiply that with each month of her life. Come on, she’s allowed to be angry!
Women may experience mood changes before, during, or after they get their period. And wouldn’t that be great if you get a bit considerate about it?
If you’re certain that her date is close, do your best to relax her and make her happy. Pamper her with love, care, and well, lots of food.
She misses her ex
Now this is a somewhat less frequent situation. Maybe your girl hasn’t been able to let go of a previous relationship yet. Maybe she’s come across something that is making it difficult for her to push her previous relationship out of her head. Maybe she was not ready for a new relationship as yet. All of these things point towards one thing and that is building up of frustration.
The best option would be to patiently talk to her and come to a sensible conclusion and solution.
She is into someone else
One of the reasons someone shows anger is to repress the guilt they have within them for doing something too bad to be accepted. And one thing that makes it to the list is cheating on someone. In cases like these, you should be a bit more careful but do not get too paranoid. This might end up destroying the relationship and you will be the culprit.
When it is about you
If your girlfriend is mad at you, the chances of her acting that way because of you doing something wrong are always present. If you don’t think it is some of what we call her ‘personal’ problem, you should consider being a bit self-critical.
You do not respect her boundaries
A relationship brings two people very close but some people fail to recognize the boundaries in the process. We should always remember that the other person still has a life of his/ her own. If your girlfriend doesn’t like you using her phone, or talking to her relatives or if she doesn’t like you getting too close to her friends then respect her choice and step back.
Crossing her boundaries is not only going to suffocate the girl you love, but also is quite unethical on your part as a human being because everyone has the right to live in their own bubble in life.
You do not support her enough
Maybe she started a new business or made her blog. She wanted you to support her. To be there for her through it all but she could not see the similar amount of excitement coming from your side. Maybe she was too excited to hear that you’re really proud of her for her efforts.
But instead, she didn’t get the expected response. She couldn’t sense that you are happy for her.
And in that case, she surely had a right to make that angry face, didn’t she?
If such is your situation, make it a point to let her know how much of a proud boyfriend that you are and no matter what obstacle she is met with in her endeavours, you’re always going to have her back.
You disrespected her loved one
We all have a lot of meaningful relationships other than romantic relationships. The earlier you admit it, the better it is. No one would tolerate it if you are offensive towards their best friend or any other loved one.
It is not just extremely unethical, but also hurts your partner because naturally they expected you to treat her loved ones like your own.
So if you’re guilty of such a mishap, immediately apologize to her and the loved one in question and make it clear that you won’t let it happen again. Oh, and also remember to fulfil this promise!
She doesn’t feel heard
The most important component of making any relationship meaningful is by hearing the person out. This does not necessarily only apply to situations when the other person is sad. It could apply to that time when she talked about how much she loves rain or what her political views are or about the new book she just read.
Whatever she talks about with passion or deep emotion, hear her out.
When you offer your ear to your girlfriend, and listen to her patiently and respectfully, it won’t just put a smile on her face temporarily but also unlock more love for you in her heart.
She needs more of your time
It is natural for anyone to expect a lot from a relationship in which the boundaries are not predefined. Maybe you are giving your friends more time than she wants you to. If this is one of the problems you both are facing, communicate with her how important your friends are for you and that this does not decrease her importance in your life. You both can keep specific days solely for each other. With things like these already decided, you both are left with fewer chances of falling into arguments.
You do not take her opinions seriously
For anyone to feel important, their opinions about anything they want to talk about must be heard at least by their loved ones. With sexism so deeply rooted in us, we are prone to disregard the views of a woman on a political and technical issue. No matter how stupid this sounds to you, give her a chance to speak.
If you make her feel that you value her opinions genuinely and that whatever she says is important to you, then it surely will start to diffuse her anger off.
Her emotions want to be seen
It is an extremely important part of being in a relationship. You need to validate the other person’s emotions. It doesn’t matter how trivial a certain thing looks to you, don’t ever minimize the struggles your girlfriend has to go through.
Listen to her express herself carefully. If she doesn’t prefer talking about her feelings, try other methods! Just do your best to validate her emotions. If you give importance to how she feels, you are naturally giving her importance and that will reduce her anger a lot.
She found your dirty socks lying under the bed… again
This is something we can have arguments with anyone we are living with. It is especially hard for someone who is used to living in cleanliness. It is about time that you stop acting like a baby and start acting like a responsible adult. Know where the laundry is supposed to go, do your dishes, and act responsibly for any task that you agreed on doing.
She saw you flirting with another girl
How would you feel if you see your girl flirting with another man? Well, no matter how liberal you act, you will find a corner of your heart feeling jealousy. That is exactly how she is feeling. She knows that you are not cheating on her but you need it to look that way. At least try being more responsible when she is around.
You are still hanging on to your past relationship
It is hard. For your girlfriend to hear you talking about this other girl you loved. She is tired and is now probably wondering if you still love your ex. Her position in your life is so blurry that she feels too frustrated to be always nice and understanding. If that is the case, you need to set things up ASAP.
Clarify your situation accordingly and help her anger fly out of the window.
She is tired of being a rehabilitation center
If you have past unresolved traumas and you somehow still haven’t seen a therapist, this thing is getting to your relationship.
No doubt a relationship should involve giving emotional support to one another but when the emotional baggage becomes too much to handle, it may lead to the other person feeling frustrated. They might not say it but they are tired and it is coming out in ugly ways like anger.
She doesn’t find the bedroom a pleasing place anymore
Things like consent are not hard to understand but they are sometimes difficult to understand when it comes to having sex with your girlfriend. If she says she doesn’t feel like it, she means it. And you should respect that.
Many women value foreplay more than the ‘play’. If you think that you aren’t paying attention to the foreplay enough, you should have a conversation with her about it and do better next time.
You took an important decision without her approval
In a romantic relationship, the expectations tend to peak quite easily. Sometimes because of the peaking hormones, sometimes human nature, and sometimes low emotional intelligence. Whatever the reason, if you think that your relationship is at a place where you think that she should discuss her life with you, know that she expects the same from you.
It is about the neither of you
While you both go through tensions, it is quite a possibility that none of you is at a fault. Sometimes, life and misunderstandings happen.
You both are at a different place in the relationship
This problem is faced by several couples and if it is not solved or talked about ASAP, it may even give rise to deeper problems or bigger conflicts. Maybe one of you wants to get married but the other doesn’t feel ready for it. If that is the case, talk about it.
Her views about life have changed
We all are humans and we all are constantly metamorphosing. We all are taking little steps towards change every day, without us even realizing it. Maybe your girlfriend went through a life-altering experience and she finds herself at a different place now. She is not able to adjust to the values of the life she is living and in order to figure stuff out, maybe she needs space.
She is noticing a personality clash
You cannot know a person until you get close enough to them to see who they are. Maybe getting closer to you has made your girlfriend realize that some things about your personality are not very bearable and she has found passive-aggressive ways to show it.
Love has slowly slipped away
This life is not a fairytale and that is why forever in this life hardly exists. We move in and out of love all the time. And guess what, no one is at a fault here. Maybe you have to accept and come to terms with it. Maybe it is time to let go.
Communication can do wonders
Whatever reason it is that you both keep getting into fights over the most trivial of the things, the solution lies in communicating with your partner. It might be hard or awkward in the beginning but it will make your life much easier. It is a more sensible thing to do than ruminating about it and getting driven into a cycle of overthinking.
You both should have an adult conversation and decide things accordingly.
In the end
We should realize that all relationships have their highs and lows and romantic relationships in specific are a bit hard to handle. What you need to make anything in life work is compassion. First for yourself and then for the others around you.
Relationships are hard and sometimes they even end up hurting you a big deal but this should not keep you from embarrassing your vulnerability and opening your heart to love. You got this!