Dos & Don’ts of Keeping a Marriage Fresh Forever

So how to know if a relationship will last forever? Can one keep a marriage/relationship fresh? The wedding season is on the way, guys and girls! And yes, there will be elegantly decorated cars on the streets and beautiful couples will be walking down the aisle. And between those guests, will be Lily and David who are your best friends but they just got divorced 2 months back.

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Where Lily might be indulged in thinking how wonderful the experience was for her (or just walking down the aisle), David might be eyeing his wife to see if she has any trace of regret on her face.

Naah! She has none and then it hits him that he lost his lady-love.

Sounds sad, right? But it is actually a traumatic truth that we are experiencing all around us.

But right between these guests, will be the old smiles as well.

They will be holding each other’s hands and when the bride and groom finally are allowed to kiss, they look each other with utter affection and love.

Does it sound nothing less than a cheesy love story, right?

But it does happen. Even if the cases are really rare now, people do make it till the end. I mean, why don’t people prefer talking out rather than divorcing?

Until you have been flirting with 99 women and your wife gets to know about it (plus you are not even ashamed of it).

Nothing helps you then but when reality hits you; it’s really too late.

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However, the generation these days is too indulged in one query and that is how can they make their marriage work?

Right after the honeymoon time, everything gets too practical for them.

Understanding each other becomes more of a burden than a feeling; so how can you save your marriage and make it work out from the very beginning?

Trust me, it ain’t that hard.

So how to know if a relationship will last forever?

Here are some ways through which you know if you can make it to your 30th anniversary with utter joy and happiness.

Communication:

Communication is the key to all relationships. When I was a teenager and I couldn’t text my mum back for some reason in like before half an hour, you know what happens next, right?

We all do!

So this is far more a sensitive relationship and cutting down communication and trying to give that “silent treatment” to each other is just not going to work.

When you wake up next to the same person each day, it gets so hard to still love those lazy eyes, that bad breath, and that messy hair.

I agree with this because I can’t adore a person for more than a week. How do people do that for years or a lifetime? *wonders*

It does get hard to hug each other at the end of a tiring day, to accept each other flaws and to manage everything even when the times are rough.

Thus, communication is vital. Saying out what you feel is essential.

Even if your feelings aren’t too good; expressing them will make your other half to understand you in a better manner. This magic of communication is what has kept those old couples (you see them in parks) to make it together through the thick and the thin like these

Sheer Love:

The foremost factor required for a successful married life is obviously nothing other than sheer love.

Your commitment towards your marriage decides in the first place how long it’s going to go.

Marriages that happen or occur only due to surface level affairs tend to end up in divorce no sooner than they have begun.

Marriage is not all that is shown and depicted in fantasy songs and movies; it’s way deeper than all that crap. It requires absolute commitment and affection. It’s a lot easier to carry on when things are all good.

The real test is to stand by each other’s side when the road gets rough.

Time:

Another key element in a successful marriage is time.

Partners need to take out time for each other. Everyone has a busy life and you need to be modest enough to accept the fact that a healthy marriage needs some workout. You can’t just sit back and wait for things to turn out all bright and chummy when you don’t put in any effort.

The more you make time for each other, the better it will turn out to be for your relation.

Communication:

No relation – be it marriage or a plain doctor-patient pair can make it without communication.

You need to talk about all kinds of things, from your daily chores to the depression you go through when things aren’t turning out to be good. Open and smooth communication no doubt helps is enriching your married life in many ways. If you are not able to tell your partner about the problems you face or the things you can’t cope – then you definitely need to rethink your relationship.

A lack of communication can trigger several problems ranging from small ones like useless arguments to bigger and more dangerous ones like utter aloofness and chronic depression leading to complete oblivion.

Forgiveness:

Don’t overlook the power of forgiveness.

At times you have to forgive and let go in a marriage even when it is not the easiest things on the to-do list.

You should learn to stay silent because not every situation needs a comment or a remark.

At times you need to accept the stark reality that things cannot always go your way and move one. Believe it or not, it may seem difficult but it’s worth it.

The peace you get by letting things be the way they are and settling yourself around them is beyond expectations.

Physical Attachment:

The sexual drive plays an essential part in keeping a marriage up and exciting.

What are the things that make your partner desire you?

Keep that desire alive and give it time.

Emotional and physical intimacy tends to bring people closer to each other. Your partner should look forward to coming home and spending time in the bed.

Don’t exhibit gestures of pointless boredom or lack of desire. They do more harm than one assumes. Focus all your energy towards your sexual fantasies and make most of the time you have with each other.

Respect and Trust:

You need to give your spouse the same level of respect and trust that you want for yourself; at times even more than that too. When we talk about trust, it doesn’t come that easy. It takes time.

You need to give your marriage space and time to let trust build over. Share everything and don’t keep secrets. They can end up ruining your relationship. Respect each other’s feelings. There are occasions when your companion only needs your presence not necessarily a long conversation in order to feel at home.

You need to differentiate between the two situations and behave accordingly.

Importance of Lonely Time:

You have a life before you get married, right?

You go out with friends, you sit alone in a coffee shop and gulp that damn delicious chocolate brownie down your throat and you go out to movies also, right?

Getting married doesn’t mean that you have to shut off all of the individual activities that made you feel alive and happy.

After like 10 years of marriage, you and your partner know all about one another, right?

It is somewhat being 1 person. So keeping that alone time of yours gives you a feeling of individuality. It makes you feel alive.

If you want to chain your partner’s leg to yours; it isn’t Cinderella happening in real-time, even yet!

Don’t get Addicted to Something:

 

As I mentioned above, it is hard to get used to waking up next to the same person every day. And sometimes it gets too tiring to even kiss them on the forehead.

And then that feeling comes into the pit of your stomach; you start wanting some new personality. That is just a phase though but it is the major reason why marriages are breaking apart these days.

In the UK, people have used social media to create a new persona and date, someone, they adore.

And then obviously your marriage ends as soon as your partner finds out.

Don’t get addicted to this. Always keep a friend or therapist at your speed dial so that you can look forward to them in such cases.

What are some of the things to avoid?

A family is and must be the first ever the source of love, acceptance, and comfort. Unfortunately, it is not the same for everyone. A lot of people might not agree with me saying this above sentence but then a little crowd would be nodding their heads to this. There are always two situations for every case and for families, it is same. This is saddening but you can’t help but move on to the fact that maybe, your family is not just doing what they should. Something seems to be going in the wrong direction. And yes, they don’t notice the wrong direction which in turn, hurts a lot more. And let’s just not talk about those extended families, where gossip spreads faster than fire. I mean, you don’t have a life in there, do you? We all make mistakes. It is just a matter of figuring out where you are going wrong so that everything can be in the right place. The Family is all about love, care, affection, peace, and comfort. When mistakes like these are happening around your family…you should try to stop them as soon as possible. They can lead to bigger issues which you never thought of in the first place. Make sure that you don’t insult your child or discriminate him/her with people within your family. This won’t only detach that person from you…but will also end to make him/her lonely and depressed.

Following are some of the points you should avoid doing to have a happier marriage.

A lot of Criticism:

The Family is your best source of encouragement and support. It is a big “oops” in your life if your family is not there for your encouragement.

Words carry a lot of weight and negative words carry the weight of the entire world.

They feel so heavy on your shoulders, don’t they? And if they come from your family; you feel like there is no one in this world to encourage or support you.

Negative and hurtful words bring a deep damage to the family. You might not understand it but the one hearing them is going to start being detached to you.

The chasm of the relationships washes away and by the time you realize it; it is actually too late. It takes a lot of positive talk and love to mend that wound.

But sometimes even that doesn’t work.

Just make sure that you support your family members. Especially parents should always be a source of support for their children. Don’t insult your child in front of a crowd or other relatives; they get hurt and that never goes away.

2-Discrimination:

I hate this and I just wish I could erase it from the surface of this Earth. But alas, I just sit here, trying to figure out whether this world will ever get over discrimination or not and write about it.

Discrimination is not something that is done with daughters and sons; it can be of the same gender as well.

Families should keep in mind that praising one child constantly can bring a strong lack of confidence in the other. Yes, we don’t realize this and it happens a lot.

This usually ends up in bringing up a frustrated and lonesome behavior by the other child, who is either criticized all the time or is hardly praised for his/her actions. This damages the roots of family relationships in a way that you might not imagine.

Be careful with what you do or say and trying to bring inequality in your family systems.

3-Gossips:

Okay, so gossip is like, the perfect killer of your family relationships. When one of your aunts spreads the news like fire all around the family; I bet a lot of people can relate to it.

I can feel nodding heads.

We all have one such pathetic aunt who is the ultimate “gossips girl” of the family. Where this might seem funny right now; it actually damages relationships in the worse forms. It messes up the trust level of people within one family and negative thoughts start speculating. These thoughts take relations away from us and the love and care we expect from a family, never really comes in.

In such situations we don’t tend to talk to the person directly; we start believing in what the gossips have to say.

Our behavior with the specific person starts distorting.

In such cases, it is always best if you talk to the person directly, instead of believing in all the gossips around.

It might save something which is left out of the relationship.

CONCLUSION:

Happy endings are not what marriages are about. Even when Disney has made us feel that way; it literally isn’t. It is so much more than that like it is to keep up with the laziness, annoyingness, and stubbornness of your partner. And how you put up to that is what makes your marriage work out.

Keep the best inside yourself and let your partner too.

Go out for a walk alone because it isn’t important to have him/her by your side all the time.

Trust each other, say whatever you wanna; and see how you make it to your 30th or maybe 50th anniversary happily.

No relation can work without mutual respect, understanding, a healthy communication and above all forgiveness.

You need to be open enough to deal with all the possible downfalls any specific relation can encounter.

When it comes to marriage, nothing can be more painful and gnawing than a failed marriage.

People marry each other not just for the sake of it, but rather for making peace with life – marriage is one of the most brilliant and beautiful changes in one’s life and it should be looked at the very same way.

Marriage requires a lot more than many people even bother acknowledging.

Marriages are meant to enrich your life and provide you with that one person with who you can share all your dreams.

With that one person, you can have the privilege of being you without any restrictions and barriers.

So, shed all those preconceived notions regarding marriage and go ahead with all your dedication and honesty.

It is one of the best things that can happen to you and your life if you make the right decision and give it enough time to let it blossom.

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