There is always that one major screw up in life that simply doesn’t go away. It breaks us, shatters our self-esteem, and if given the right food, molds us in the end.
The thing that is most nostalgic about childhood is making mistakes, going through hard times, and not bother one bit. But as soon as judgment comes along with thoughts after maturity, that is when you really start taking hits in life.
The rough patches in our life teach us gratitude, makes us a little more human. But sometimes life knocks you down and keeps you there longer than it should.
The passing away of a loved one, losing your job, an injury, or the thought of letting others around you down can sometimes have us at a really dark place.
Being at that dark place of depression and anxiety makes you forget the good patches of your life, or at least they lose value now.
What happened to that megawatt smile of yours? Laughing until you can’t breathe? Being the heart of a friend’s gathering? Learn to be happy and positive every single day.
Getting Your Groove Back
Getting your mojo back and facing life with the same spirit as you did before is a journey that you have to take head-on.
You can either take help from a therapist, a friend or even hold yourself accountable to your own thoughts.
Here are some ways which might help you out with it!
Lose The Judgment
The very first milestone on the journey of getting your groove back is to stop judging yourself for your actions. You did wrong, you see it and feel embarrassed, and that should be the end of it!
It becomes easier when you imagine a friend of yours being in the exact same spot as you, you’ll surely be saying how the mistake has got nothing on them and that they’re strong enough to overcome it.
So, why be different yourself?
There are many things in life that you just cannot control, that is to believe when coping with passing away of a close person. Settle the fact that there was simply nothing better that you could’ve done.
It is okay to feel broken, embarrassed, ashamed, and even frightened, don’t fight these feels but try stopping the thoughts that come with it.
It is the chain of negative thoughts that have a snowball effect, once you recognize the pattern, you really start seeing a way forward.
Find A Mantra To Live By
A mantra not only helps you in bringing you out of the darkness of your thoughts but it helps you recognize them in the first place, which is always a very challenging thing to do.
Don’t get into the classics and find yourself a quote that you have a hard time remembering, make it simple enough to hit your thoughts several times a day.
Like “Truth is simple” or “What can I do about it right now?”
Once you repeat simpler terms like these long enough, then whenever you find yourself in a labyrinth of dark thoughts and regrets, these positive mantras will spike right up.
You’ll be compelled to see how much truth there is to your thoughts and how much of them are just your ego. You can either do something and about a given situation or you don’t.
It has an effect similar to meditation, you find it harder to draw your attention back to your breathing at first but with some time and practice, it becomes effortless and you don’t even notice it.
This helps you rewire the thought patterns of your brain to something that you think is positive.
You have to remember, the mind and ego play powerful tricks on you, and if you have to find a way of getting back into the driving seat.
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Write Down What Matters To You
When was the last time you did some self-inventory?
We commonly hold on to what mattered most to us mostly because of the nostalgia of things.
Being past the quarter-life changes everything, and so do your goals and wishes. An interesting place to get these amazing self-inventory ideas is the shower, but shower thoughts go as they come.
Which is why you need to write them down. Take out some time and get your writing material, whatever it is, and just give it a hard thought of what matters to you the most right now.
Is it family? Friends? Is it getting a good job? Moving into a neighborhood that you like? Having a stable relationship?
Although not necessary, once you sit down intending to write down these things, you’ll realize for how simple they are. Unlike the complicated thoughts you have been drowning yourself in.
Just Do It!
As much as we despise the state of helplessness, we drive ourselves into it.
Getting those insight-times when going through a cheesy pizza and laying on the couch of how bad your body shape is turning out to be. Procrastinating even though you know you won’t be able to complete it later on.
One of my mantras that really helps me out in situations like these is, “If the floor is dirty, it is going to be dirty tomorrow. Get up and clean it.”
It’s either that or you can watch Shia Labeouf very gently convince you through his 1-minute video.
You have to realize that the only thing stopping you from climbing back up is you, and nothing else.
So you want to get in a good shape? Start waking up early and go out for a morning run. Do you want a better job? Start looking it up and work on your resume build-up for it.
Anything that you came up with writing in the previous step of “What matters to you”, see how you can take the first step and just do it. It really is just as simple as that!
Allow Others To Play A Role In Your Story
Opening up to people close to you does not make you vulnerable, it only gives you a better perspective into your own story.
Think of it like you being there for a friend when they are going through something, you come up with ways to cheer them up, get them out of the house for a while, and it does work.
Allow others to do the same for you and don’t shut people out.
This also makes you mindful of all the good things you have in life for the best feeling is one of being loved. Your family or friends will often remind you of the moments of happiness and joy in life and they always take you out of your depressed state.
Start looking at your story from the very start, where you began the journey of your life and where you are right now. If it is not a place you like then what changes can you make?
You can include your friends and family into your embracing of the change in life. They will remind you whenever you do something you shouldn’t be doing when you don’t remember yourself.
It brings accountability and honesty.
You too are a human and cannot live in a robotic monotonous routine for life. There are always changes, you are always evolving.
Facing your mistake or tragedy for what it is and acknowledging how much of it was of your doing leaves room for change. Some habits, mantras, or routines need to go to make room for newer ones.
But be wary of the trend that has been in the air since the past decade of changing yourself completely. It is as if changing everything about you will give you godlike powers and eternal peace.
You will only be at peace by being yourself.
Remember the spark of your personality and the character traits that made it easier for you to fall asleep at night, never let go of them.
In fact, find a way of getting back to them if they’ve been out of your life for long. You will be amazed to see how happy and at peace they make a person.
The lesson is always to learn from your mistakes and not doing them again, or at least not doing them so often!
Looking For A Coping Behavior
Developing a compulsive behavioral pattern is a very major outcome of being knocked down by life.
Having unhealthy eating habits or resorting to drugs and alcohol for shelter never works out in the long run. Sure you will enjoy that first joint or a high-calorie cheeseburger a few times but once you make a routine out of them, it will be another pit to climb out of.
You’re struggling already of a loss or mistake in your life and now you’ll have to rescue yourself from another problem that came along the way, it only makes things harder.
Despite the easy recognition, it is not always so easy to fight this tendency on your own. Seeking therapy helps a lot when dealing with these kinds of behavioral patterns.
Any coping mechanism just delays the process of confronting the truth and it gets harder and harder with each passing day.
Keeping in mind that it is going to be harder tomorrow than it is today will at some point bring you to a realization to just stop and turn in the other direction.
As I mentioned earlier, lose the judgment and face the reality for what it is. The truth may be sour but it is way simpler.
Choose To Do What Really Lights You Up
At no point in life can you be devastated enough to not know what you like, sure you wouldn’t have the will to do it but you always know exactly what you like.
Delayed gratitude brings you a long way into getting your groove back. You learn to value how happy or sad something will make you feel once it is over, and you can then better prioritize your stuff that way.
Take some time off and visit a new place that you’ve always liked but never had the chance to go to. Learning makes us happy, and even if you don’t get your “Changing” gift on this tour, you would have at least done something more productive than being a couch-potato.
Talking about learning new things, you can pick your guitar up and see how much your fingers remember their old strength. Taking this time to practice your skills with an instrument will build your confidence and self-esteem other than just being utterly joyful.
The first step is always the hardest. Whenever you don’t feel like doing something, just have a quick countdown from 5, and as soon as you say 1, you get up and do it. Works quite well!
Take Your Time To Look Back
Once you’ve started doing anything for yourself, to please you, it is equally important to look back.
It motivates one to see how much of a long distance they’ve come. Even standing at the same spot and not going further down into depression is a success for beginners, cherish it.
There is no timeframe for how long it takes or how that feeling of emptiness goes away.
But one day, you’ll be going about your chores and realize that you haven’t thought of these negative thoughts or had regrets for quite a while.
That will be the day when you learn that it is very much possible to not think about it all the time. you will have more and more gaps between these thoughts until they become just a memory.
Commonly Asked Questions…
What does it mean to get your groove back?
Getting your groove back in life is living as wild and carefree as you once used to. The hit of a routine, mid-life crisis, loss of a loved one, or career setbacks often has us not being ourselves and getting worse day by day.
It is when you come to peace with the past, know what happened wrong, and grow back again into the person you are and not let yourself be defined by a few tough spots in life.
How do I get my groove back after 50?
Getting your groove back after 50 is not as difficult as it sounds, it all the easier. Open up the closet of your dreams from back when you were young and pick out the things that you didn’t get a chance to do then.
You have all the freedom in the world to go out on adventures, read what amazes you, get back in touch with your friends, and plan out outings. Involve yourself in physical activities, make the best out of your health.
How can I get my groove back after a divorce?
Going through a divorce or a breakup leaves us in pain, regardless of the reasons, and it can at times get too much that it starts affecting your work and routine in life.
It is again, accepting the fact for what it is and giving yourself time to recover, recovery doesn’t happen overnight. Going to a therapist will speed up the process, but as soon as you try to get back into your normal routine of work, exercise, chill-outs, and have the same expectations from yourself, the sooner you are to become independent.
How long is it going to take to get my groove back?
You have to remember that you did not find yourself to be in the spot that you are overnight. As long as it took you to get to the place you are at right now, it is going to take the same, shorter, or even longer to get out of it.
But as small as the steps might be, you have to remember you are moving in the right direction and that is all that matters.
You cannot go running circles around your mistakes, losses, or regrets forever. You have a life to be lived and the sooner you get back up, the more you get to experience it.
It is never too late and neither are things ever too screwed up for one to not recover from, as long as you have your eye on the prize and know what you’re going to be working for.
Reaching out to a professional for therapy and help will always have a fruitful outcome as sometimes we cannot fight every battle on our own.
There are often underlying traumas that get exaggerated when you feel low, and a therapist would know how to address your problems for the best results.
Live your life one day at a time and do whatever that you want to do, as long you’re doing something.