Being in a loving relationship is a wonderful feeling, but when it comes to breakup, it can become one’s worst nightmare.
Everybody wants to love and be loved and when we lose the ones we love, it’s very painful.
Love has many kinds. Most of you guys are here because of a failed “romantic relationship”.
You are sad, can’t move on past your breakup, are tired of missing them and want to get over them, and you will if you understand the science behind love and breakup.
Understand the science behind love and breakup:
In order to get over a breakup one has to think logically and understand “what is love, really?” and that’s the only way one can move on.
It can all be related to science. I believe that there is no subsistence of “true love” or “soul mates”. This might hurt a lot of people but it is the bitter truth. It’s just our subconscious. It has all those recollections stored in. They embedded deep within, what we call the definition of love.
This “love” is only made by all the movies we see, the social media we interact with, the stuff we visually perceive and the stories we mostly discern.
Now I’m not saying that love doesn’t subsist it surely does but there are only a few types of “true” Love.
Love (talking in terms of BF/GF relationships) is mostly just an obsession if not a prurience or a sexual desire, it’s just our brain releasing dopamine and many other sorts of chemicals.
When we think “Why I can’t stop missing her/him, that’s because our brains authentically work that way.
The recollections of your “ex” are scattered all over the place in your brain and those get triggered by your common senses, like when you hear a song they dedicated to you once or the smell of a perfume that they used to wear, you start thinking about your past memories.
So when you recall an event by those triggering points, a path is engendered to those memories (In your case memories of your ex).
That path becomes more and more stable and easily accessible to neurons every time you think about your ex and lets your brain peregrinate to those recollections and then there comes a time when it’s very hard to transmute the set paths of those neurons traveling in our brains.
And we say that we can’t stop missing them. In easy words it’s just like a brain’s muscle memory. It becomes stronger and stronger and only you can change it.
OK so you now know that you have to think logically and it’s all neurons and stuff, but how will you move on?
Well, it can only help you if you give those “triggering points” new sets of paths in your brain and start trying to forget the old ones.
How you forget those old ones?
It needs practice.
Take that first step.
Start ignoring their thoughts, you will eventually forget them.
The point is that there’s always a first step. And that step is the hardest one. It’s like training wheels when you first ride your bike.
So start by ignoring those past painful memories.
Whenever you think about your “ex”, just cancel that thought at once, think of something else entirely.
If you think of them the whole day, bring it down to half a day.
If you have pictures, delete them all today.
Cancel out as many of those triggering points from your life as you can and time will take care of the rest.
Get those memories out of your head when you are off to bed. Don’t think about them when you wake up. They are not as magical as you have made up in your mind by thinking of them over and over again.
You have hard-wired your brain to aid your sleep with those memories, stop doing them today, otherwise, it’s going to get stronger.
They are just your auto-pilot routine, just change it, think of something else when you sleep.
Just make a newer version of those memories and give those neurons in your brain, a new set of paths. I hope you guys are keeping up with me.
Understand that we are selfish
We humans are selfish.
Selfishness is in our blood. If we think about it, we really are selfish. We do good deeds for our happiness. We “love” our friends, but we are thinking “hey, I got your back so you take care of mine okay?”
So when your Ex used to say “I Love you” to you, they actually meant “I am attracted to you and when I’m close to you I get these butterflies in my stomach, so we are together because I enjoy those feelings.”
Media and movies have clouded our mind with endless romance. We imagine True Love as the romance that those movies predict to us.
I know this all sounds kind of harsh but it is the sad reality, but despite all we need this sad reality, I mean we can’t be robots so I am not telling you guys to give up hope.
What I mean is that the relationship did not work out and you can have one which does make you happy. You need to stop thinking about your breakup if it did not work out with someone. Look after all we need relations.
Let me quote a little something from one of my other articles:
Almost 75 years ago from now a research “Harvard Study of Adult Development” was started. Read more about it on Wikipedia.
It was conducted on 724 men, out of which only 60 are still alive and research is still going on. It’s the biggest research program that concluded “True happiness comes from healthy relations. Period”
Relations are a key to happiness. We think that they make us happy and so we remain bound to them. So I say don’t give up on love even though it’s selfish.
The bottom line is that what you used to think was not love. It was just simply attraction. Some part of it was sexual feelings. Others were media putting conceptions and fantasies of love in your head.
If you want to take away one thing from this whole article it’s this:
Think logically, everything is in our control. But only if we wish it to be, it just needs a little practice. Now it’s up to you. Do you want to be in control? Or do you want your emotions to control you?