Everybody thinks of being happy in life, in somewhat a different way. If you lose both of your legs (God forbid that ever happens to anyone in life) what do you think will make you happier: “Getting those legs back?” or “a billion dollars?” People synthesize happiness/being happy in life, in many different ways and most of them think that they will be happy if they become famous, rich, have exotic cars, fancy homes and the list goes on and on, and there is no end to this. I have learned a lot on happiness and I think my all life lessons on being happy can all be summarized in the way of how positive I think.
“There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so”
Money and fame, these are the two things in life which we think we need to run after in order to be happy.
When a child is born, her unhappy mother doesn’t say that she’s perfect, instead she says “I am going to make you perfect, you will go into Harvard medical School one day and you will become a great doctor and you will be successful and be happy in life”.
The point is from day one, this poor girl is hard-wired to struggle in life and she is made to believe that she is only worthy if she works in life.
Society tells us how to be happy in life!
This is what we are, this is what our life has become, this is what our society has made us and “the rules of being happy”
We need to get out of it right now in order to be truly happy in life.
Now I am not saying that you shouldn’t be a doctor if that is your passion, sure, go after it. But if you are made to go into that field then you will be unhappy. Catch my drift?
Anyways I have some cool points which I learned in my life and which taught me how to be truly happy.
Let me share with you 4 Life lessons on being happy:
I Developed Relations:
Almost 75 years ago from now a research “Harvard Study of Adult Development” was started. Click here to read more about it on Wikipedia.
It was conducted on 724 men, out of which only 60 are still alive and research is still going on.
It’s the biggest research program that was ever dedicated to finding the key to happiness, and what they found was really simple “True happiness comes from healthy relations.”
Not wealth, not fame just healthy relationships and again no money!!
Good relationships keep us healthier and happier.
The research was made on many different people and the ones who were connected more socially lived a happier and longer life, and on the other hand, people, who kept themselves isolated from others were less happy and were mostly suffering from depression.
I think maybe that is the reason why we get married in the first place, to keep ourselves happier. Now I know that most of the marriages end up in divorces but still, we act upon it right?
And we take a chance in building those relationships. Divorces aren’t stopping people from getting married because deep down we know that this will make us really happy yet we were never aware of it.
Anyways ever since I started working to get more involved in relations, with my family and my friends, by sharing a lot and listening to them, I have seen a change in my life.
I feel that I am much happier than I was before. And let me tell you, sharing helps a lot.
In fact, I wrote a whole another article on “why sharing makes us happy?” Click here.
Sharing is a great feeling.
When you just let out all your problems and vulnerabilities to somebody, you get a feeling of relaxation.
Sometimes you even reach a solution.
So share and let it all out.
There is always this one friend you can rely on completely.
Well, You can always contact me!
I Started Living in the NOW:
“True happiness is to enjoy the present. Without anxious dependence upon the future.”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
What a well said the description of true happiness.
Indeed many of us who are not happy right now is because we don’t live in the present.
Whenever people ask us about love, we tell them about our heartbreaks, when they ask us about connections we tell them stories of disconnection.
When they ask us about trust, we tell em’ about getting deceived.
Because we are stuck in our past.
And when you are stuck in your past, you can never be happy.
In fact, people actually become a victim of depression.
These people are still living in their past. They think of all the bad things that happened to them, most of their time, are scared to work because they failed in the past, are scared to love again because they got their hearts broken.
And can’t trust anybody because they have been deceived so many times.
In order to be truly happy, we have to move on from our past. We have to think logically and understand that thinking about the past won’t do any good.
I learned to let go of my past by practicing to not to think about it, let me explain by quoting a little something from my other article (Getting over your breakup the quick way!)
If you have ever tried to play a guitar you would have noted that it’s too hard to put your fingers around a chord at first, and you literally have to take the help of your other hand to place those fingers on the right strings, but if you keep on practicing you start doing it out of nowhere without any help.
My point is that there’s always a first step that you have to take and that is the hardest one.
So take that first step and stop thinking so much about your past.
Bring it down.
Involve yourself in other activities.
The more you think of them, the more readily available they will be to your brain, so start trying to avoid them.
Keep yourself busy.
Take that first step, It will get easier by time.
I Changed My Attitude:
Let me tell you a little something about myself.
When I was a teenager I used to fight a lot with my family and friends. I stayed isolated most of the time. I preferred playing my guitar alone all the time.
Being there with no good friends back then and I was pretty damn unhappy, in fact, was actually depressed, but somehow I managed to survive all that and before I could become any worse, I found out that I had an attitude problem, only I was the one who was making myself depressed and so I decided to do something about it.
You can read much of it in this above article
But the summary is I started calming myself down.
Started to treat people nicely.
Started controlling my anger by channeling it to positivism.
And changed my attitude.
It was tough at first but by the time I learned all of those things (like controlling my anger, staying calm in tough situations, not quarreling on useless topics with other and not over-reacting to things).
Most of all staying calm.
It’s just amazing how much my life has changed because of me working on those things.
My depression was mild so I was able to get over it, but still, it didn’t happen overnight, I mean I worked a lot on my anger issues and my frustration problems and all that.
The purpose of telling you all this is that you should start taking care of yourself, see if you have similar problems to mine and If so try to fix them.
You can get over it with some work but
It will not happen overnight and you have to give it some time, look at yourself and see if you are having the same issues and if so then you should start controlling your emotions.
Stop getting involved in useless quarrels.
Learn to forgive and forget and count your blessings, be thankful for them all. Instead of just getting stuck in the negatives, learn to let go.
I know it’s easy to just say it, but if I start explaining how to do them all one by one, precisely, I think this article would never end but still If I were, to sum up the whole solution in a few words, I’d say meditate daily (doesn’t matter if it’s only for 10 minutes)
It helped me a lot in reducing my stress.
I Built Confidence:
One of the important things to be happy that I learned in life was that, if you are confident and have self-esteem, you will be much happier in life.
What is confidence?
It’s simply believing in yourself.
Those who are depressed have low levels of confidence, simply because they don’t believe in themselves.
They fail and never try again, lose and never bother to chase after it. And when they hear a negative comment and take it to the heart. ( See how I cured my depression )
Remember you will always fail, always lose and there are critics everywhere, but how much BS of this can you take and still smile back is really a signal of how confident you are. And;
Confidence = Happiness.
A Confident person would always take an optimistic approach and try again and again. He/she will have “So what?” attitude.
If they lose, they won’t give up.
If they get a negative remark, they won’t worry because they really know who they really are.
Ever wondered, (giving an example in general here), if you do something really good and with your full hard-work like you built a school project, and someone comes up and say something like “what a piece of crap”
Now you can do three things here:
1- You can take an optimistic approach and ignore that rude person.
2-You can take it to your heart and not sleep that night and stay depressed all day long.
Now it all depends on you!
It’s all about your mindset guys.
If you always keep “No problem I will try this again” attitude, you will never be sad and unhappy.
You can read on how to boost your confidence and self-esteem in this link “Boost your confidence today!”
Look being happy comes down to this:
Stay in healthy relationships, connect with your friends and family, no matter how much they irritate you because you know deep down they all love you very much.
Don’t worry about the things that happened in the past. You don’t have a “time machine” to fix all those things that happened to you.
Enjoy the now, forget the rest.
And don’t be a Grumpy Cat.
Nobody likes a person with a bad attitude, calm yourself, don’t get mad at others too quickly and think before you speak so that you may not hurt anybody unintentionally.
And above all understand that these are all life lessons, It’s going to take some time before you can completely implement all of them. I’d say, work on them one by one.
Also boost your confidence, don’t worry about failures and negative remarks, ignore. Keep working. Those same people will be appreciating you one day, you will see… Keep it up and be a confident Person.